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A Great July 4th Starts On July 3rd

, , , , , | Right | July 4, 2020

It is the fourth of July. I’m stopping to pick up some donuts and I notice a sign on the door stating they are closing at 2:00 pm for the holiday. It is about 10:00 am when I hear this exchange.

Customer: *To the clerk* “You guys get an easy day today, huh?”

Clerk: “Um, sort of.”

Customer: “Well, the sign says you close at 2.”

Clerk: “Yeah, but I’ve been here since 5.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Seriously, man. Do you really think a donut shop is nine-to-five?

Wish You Could Weed Out The Bad Customers

, , , | Right | June 13, 2020

I work for a gardening service. A new customer has called to complain about the state of their yard.

Customer: “This is a bunch of bulls***.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “My yard looks like absolute s***. I thought you were going to be fixing this.”

Me: “Well, what’s wrong with it, sir?”

Customer:Everything! There are still weeds all over the place!”

Me: “According to our records, you just signed up with us two weeks ago.”

Customer: “Yeah, so?”

Me: “And we just made it out a week ago to do your first lawn application.”

Customer: “Yeah, and?”

Me: “How long had it been since you’d done anything with your yard?”

Customer: “Three years. What does that have to do with anything?”

Me: “You expected us to fix in one visit what has built up for at least three years?”

Customer: “Just fix it!”

Jinx Hijinks

, , , , , | Right | May 29, 2020

I work in the electronics department of a major retailer. A man comes back with just a few non-electronics items.

Customer: “Can I check out back here, please?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s fine.”

Customer: “Thanks. It’s crazy up front. It’s nice and calm back here.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, I know. It’s always busy up there. Back here, it comes and goes.”

Customer: “You’re lucky you’re not up there.”

Me: “For now. It won’t be long until they send me up front.”

Not more than a second later, one of the managers comes around the corner.

Manager: “I’m gonna need one of you guys to go up front and cashier.”

Me: *Laughing* “I’ll go.”

Customer: *Smiling* “I jinxed it. You probably never want to see me again.”

Me: “Ah, it’s all good.”

I finished the transaction with him and headed up front where I spent the next hour and half cashiering.

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 37

, , , | Right | May 28, 2020

It is the time of the PlayStation 2.

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for a wireless controller for my PlayStation 2.”

Coworker: “All of our PlayStation 2 controllers are in the clear plastic baggies in the display case right behind you.”

Customer: “But how do I know which ones are wireless?”

Coworker: “Well, um, the wireless ones don’t have a wire coming out of the controller.” 

Customer: “Could you show me?”

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 36
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 35
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 34

Shut Up And Take These Drugs!

, , , , , , | Working | May 18, 2020

I am a customer service manager in a grocery store with an in-store pharmacy. I am working at the customer service center when the courier who delivers our prescription drugs drops the totes on my counter.

Courier: “Here you go.”

I point toward the pharmacy.

Me: “The pharmacy is just around the corner.”

Courier: “You need to take these.”

Me: “No, I don’t. You need to take them to the pharmacy.”


Me: “No, I do not. It would be against the law for me to take them.”


Me: “I am not authorized to handle narcotics. You need to take them to the pharmacy. It’s just a few more feet that way.”

Again, I point towards the pharmacy.

Courier: “TAKE THEM!”

Me: “NO! Go around the corner!”

Finally, he picked up the totes and headed to the pharmacy. A few minutes later, he walked by my counter and gave me the stink eye. I went over to the pharmacy and told the pharmacist what had happened. Her eyes got very wide, and then she got on the phone immediately to the courier.

The next day, I was on my way in to work when I saw the same courier. I got the stink eye again.