Making Sweepingly Bad Statements

, , , , , | Working | July 17, 2013

(I’m the closing supervisor and have just verified someone has finished their bi-weekly training. The training covers customer service, which includes not telling a customer ‘no’ without verification.)

Coworker: “Welcome to [Store]; how can we help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for sweeping compound, lea—”

Coworker: “We don’t carry sweeping compound. What would you use it for? Kitty litter works fine.”

Customer: “I don’t need oil dry; I need sweeping compound.”

Coworker: “We don’t sell stupid s***.”

Me: *to my customer* “I’m sorry about this.” *to my coworker* “Go clock out and leave.” *to my customer again* “Sir, I apologize for how you’ve been treated. I’ll assist you today to get your list complete and then give you a 20% discount. Sweeping compound is right this way.”

(My coworker stomps off and calls the manager to say I was arguing with him and tried to fire him. The manager comes over as I am personally checking out the customer.)

Manager: “[My Name], need to talk quick.”

Me: “Sure.” *to the customer* “Thank you, sir, for being tolerant of us, and I hope to see you back.”

Customer: “Absolutely! Everyone else has been great.” *to the manager* “You hire the nicest, smartest girls here. Your grump could learn from them.”

Coworker: *seeing the customer leaving* “See! I told you we don’t carry that stupid s***!”

Manager: “[My Name], never mind. [Coworker], give me your keys.”

Coworker: “Why? I didn’t do anything wrong!”


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It’s His Cue To Go

, , | Right | September 25, 2012

(It’s late Easter Sunday evening. The pool hall is empty except for one group of four. One member of the group is intoxicated and has been allowed to stay but not to drink.)

Customer: “Eight ball in the corner…”

(He shoots and misses by a wide margin.)

Customer: “GODD*** IT! SON OF A B****!”

(Suddenly, he smashes the house pool cue repeatedly on the table until it is nothing but splinters.)

Me: “HEY! You need to leave here, right now!”

Customer: “Why?! What the h*** is your problem?!”

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Acting Flippantly, Part 2

, , , , | Right | April 27, 2011

(I am answering a call that a coworker had already taken 10 minutes prior.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Yeah, I just called a little bit ago. Some girl told me to take out my SIM card and battery, and that would make my phone work again. My battery is fully charged but the phone won’t turn back on.”

Me: “You may need to just hold the power button a little longer. What kind of phone do you have?”

Caller: “It flips.”

Me: “Well, just press the red key button for a few seconds and it should turn right on for you.”

Caller: “There are only three buttons, and none are red. Do you know what you are talking about?”

Me: “Sir, please flip open the phone. You will find the red button I’m talking about.”

Caller: “So, I actually have to open it?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “Well, d*** I feel stupid. I’d like to talk to your boss for making me feel so d*** stupid!”

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Might Have To Go Through Alternative Channels

, , , , | Right | April 19, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling [satellite tv]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I just bought new equipment. Turn it on for me.”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

(I take down customer’s info. I try to turn his satellite TV on with no success.)

Me: “Sir, is your receiver hooked up?”

Customer: “Yea, it’s plugged in.”

Me: “Is it connected to the TV?”

Customer: “Of course. I’m not an idiot!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, they make us ask. Is your satellite dish installed on your roof?”

Customer: “Is my what on the roof?”

Me: “Your dish, sir. Is it on the roof?”

Customer: “I don’t have a dish on the roof, but I have over fifty of them in the kitchen.”

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Get The Correct Word, Step By Step

, , , , , , , | Right | February 18, 2011

(I’m stocking the shelves in the electronics/gadgets section when a husband and wife come over. The husband is shouting behind the wife.)

Husband: *to me* “Pedometer! She wants a PEDOMETER!”

Wife: *to husband* “Shut up! I know what I want!”

Husband: “Tell her it’s a pedometer!”

Wife: *to me* “Hi, do you have any pedofi–”

Me: “Pedometers!”


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