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Acting Flippantly, Part 2

, , , , | Right | April 27, 2011

(I am answering a call that a coworker had already taken 10 minutes prior.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Yeah, I just called a little bit ago. Some girl told me to take out my SIM card and battery, and that would make my phone work again. My battery is fully charged but the phone won’t turn back on.”

Me: “You may need to just hold the power button a little longer. What kind of phone do you have?”

Caller: “It flips.”

Me: “Well, just press the red key button for a few seconds and it should turn right on for you.”

Caller: “There are only three buttons, and none are red. Do you know what you are talking about?”

Me: “Sir, please flip open the phone. You will find the red button I’m talking about.”

Caller: “So, I actually have to open it?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “Well, d*** I feel stupid. I’d like to talk to your boss for making me feel so d*** stupid!”

Might Have To Go Through Alternative Channels

, , , , | Right | April 19, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling [satellite tv]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I just bought new equipment. Turn it on for me.”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

(I take down customer’s info. I try to turn his satellite TV on with no success.)

Me: “Sir, is your receiver hooked up?”

Customer: “Yea, it’s plugged in.”

Me: “Is it connected to the TV?”

Customer: “Of course. I’m not an idiot!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, they make us ask. Is your satellite dish installed on your roof?”

Customer: “Is my what on the roof?”

Me: “Your dish, sir. Is it on the roof?”

Customer: “I don’t have a dish on the roof, but I have over fifty of them in the kitchen.”

Get The Correct Word, Step By Step

, , , , , , , | Right | February 18, 2011

(I’m stocking the shelves in the electronics/gadgets section when a husband and wife come over. The husband is shouting behind the wife.)

Husband: *to me* “Pedometer! She wants a PEDOMETER!”

Wife: *to husband* “Shut up! I know what I want!”

Husband: “Tell her it’s a pedometer!”

Wife: *to me* “Hi, do you have any pedofi–”

Me: “Pedometers!”


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Full Time Care(less)

, , , , | Right | January 17, 2011

(The following is what I overhear after I let a customer use the store phone.)

Customer: “Come on, pick up the phone! You’re in a d*** wheelchair. I know you’re there! I left you upstairs for a reason!”


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Moving From Utah To Utero

, , , , | Right | December 29, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Satellite TV Company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I need to talk to one of your supervisors. His name is Greg.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I can’t transfer you to any particular supervisor since there are over forty of them in the building. But I’m sure I can help you.”

Caller: “Is this the call center in Utah?”

Me: “No, ma’am. It’s the one in Nebraska. The one in Utah takes over at midnight.”

Caller: “Well, I knew Greg when I lived in Utah and he said he worked for you. I just moved down to Texas. And I really need to get hold of him, but he’s not answering. So, transfer me to Greg.”

Me: “Like I said, ma’am, I can’t transfer you to a specific supervisor, but I’m sure I can help you.”

Caller: “No, you can’t!”

Me: “Well, I can try.”

Caller: “Trust me, you can’t!”

Me: “Well, why not, ma’am?”

Caller: “I’M PREGNANT, YOU IDIOT!”

Me: “Oh… I see.”


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