Off With Their Calling Aheads!

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2017

(I am working the drive-thru at a fast food joint that is very, very popular in my town. One night, it is extremely busy, and everyone working is flustered. Just when it seems to be clearing up, the crowd from the football game shows up. Then after the drive-thru is packed, a bus of students shows up. Between the bus, the packed drive-thru, and the ice cream machine breaking (the weather is still warm at this time), my manager is at his wits’ end. The telephone rings.)

Manager: “Let it ring. We’re too busy.”

Me: *lets it ring and tries to thin out the drive-thru*

(Telephone rings again.)

Manager: *picks up the phone* “[Fast Food]. This is [Manager] speaking.”

Caller: “Yeah, hi, I would like to place an advance order. I saw the line and it looked pretty busy.”

Manager: *starting to get irritated* “I’m very sorry, but we have no time to take your order. A bus just came in and we are swamped right now.”

Caller: “That’s why I called! So I could get my food right away!”

Manager: *really pissed off now* “Well, sorry to disappoint, but there are actual paying customers here who are willing to wait for their food rather than being a little b**** and calling to order when you don’t feel like waiting. Come in and wait, if you ever grow a pair.” *slams phone down and starts to work on the machine*

Customer In Store: *to the cashier at the front* “You guys have the best boss ever.”

(We never knew if the customer on the phone ever came in or not. I guess it takes a while to grow a pair.)

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Punked Over And Over And Over

, , , , , | Right | September 26, 2016

(I am a warehouse worker this last summer for a large fireworks company and we help out tent staff sometimes during tent season. I am on registers, where we always offer free small punks, on the Fourth, and have at least a dozen customers thinking they’re so funny with this same exchange.)

Me: *finishing a transaction* “All right, thank you for buying from [Fireworks Company]! Would you like some free punks for lighting?”

Customer: *grabbing a friend/sibling/child* “Well, I think this one here will do.”

Me: *to myself* “Yeah, like I haven’t heard that one before.”

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344

Clucked Out Early

, , , , | Right | June 29, 2016

(It’s just before Thanksgiving and I’m walking past the meat department when I overhear this exchange…)

Customer: “So, do these turkeys get any bigger?”

Meat Clerk: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Meat Clerk: “Because they’re dead, ma’am.”

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Totally ‘Tanga’

, , , | Right | October 8, 2014

Customer: “What do you mean you don’t have the parts on hand to fix my TV?”

Me: “Well, your TV is 12 years old. I can have the parts in a day or two.”

(The customer starts every cuss word in the book, yelling at me about my incompetence and lack of skill.)

Me: *stands there and waits until she pauses for a breath, when she does…* “Ma’am, would you like to learn some Tagalog?”

Customer: “Huh?…What’s Tagalog?”

Me: “It’s the language of the Philippines.”

Customer: “Why would I need to learn that?”

Me: *in the same, low toned and calm voice I have been using during her entire screaming session* “So you don’t have to use the same seven cuss words over and over.”

(Right after saying that, I calmly picked up my tools and headed for the door. The customer, red faced and stuttering, tried to yell at me some more, but was at a complete loss for words.)

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It’s His Cue To Go

, , | Right | September 25, 2012

(It’s late Easter Sunday evening. The pool hall is empty except for one group of four. One member of the group is intoxicated and has been allowed to stay but not to drink.)

Customer: “Eight ball in the corner…”

(He shoots and misses by a wide margin.)

Customer: “GODD*** IT! SON OF A B****!”

(Suddenly, he smashes the house pool cue repeatedly on the table until it is nothing but splinters.)

Me: “HEY! You need to leave here, right now!”

Customer: “Why?! What the h*** is your problem?!”

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