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Their Behavior Is Not Heartwarming But At Least It’s Pizza Warming

, , , | Right | April 20, 2021

We are running a special where you receive a free thirty-two-ounce fountain drink when you order online; our restaurant only serves fountain drinks.

I come into work this morning and there is an order that came in online at around 10:00 am that they want to pick up at 7:00 pm. That’s not that unusual, especially on our busier nights. All day, the ticket hangs on the make-bar waiting for time to make it. A little after seven…

Customer: “How long has my pizza been in the warmer? I don’t want a pizza that has been in there all day.”

Me: “When someone orders for a specific time, we try to have it ready five minutes prior.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want a pizza that has been in there all day long.”

I am thinking. “Why would you order ten hours before you wanted it if you’re worried it’s going to be in the warmer all day?”

Me: “It hasn’t been in the warmer all day. It was made just before seven.”

Customer: “How do I know that? I don’t want a pizza that has been in the warmer all day!”

Me: “I’ve been here since this morning. Your ticket has been sitting on the make-bar all day waiting for the time to make it. Your total is [total].”

The customer hands me his card and remarks as he looks around the restaurant:

Customer: “This place is a dump. You’ll be closed within a year.”

The owners opened their first restaurant in the seventies and this particular location has been open for over four years.

Me: “Here’s your card back and your free drink.”

I hand him an empty thirty-two-ounce drink cup. He holds up the cup and waves it around.

Customer: “And what am I supposed to do with this?”

Me: “I’m not sure what you’re asking.”

Customer: *Waving the cup around some more* “What am I supposed to do with this cup?”

Me: “Take it to the drink machine and fill it with your favorite beverage?”

Customer: *Continues to wave his drink cup around* “And then what? I’m just supposed to carry a cup around?!”

Me: “There are lids and straws by the drink machine.”

Customer: “But then what? I’m just supposed to carry this around?!”

Me: “Sir, it’s a free drink. Fill it up, don’t fill it up; frankly, I don’t care.”

The customer stares at me for a few seconds and starts toward the drink machine.

Customer: “This place is such a dump. You’ll be closed in a year.”

I waited behind the counter until the customer filled his drink and left the restaurant, just in case he wanted to let me know again what a dump the place was.

That’ll Stick With You For A While

, , , , | Right | March 18, 2021

I work at a pet store. We sell bully sticks, which are actually made of — I’m sorry — bull penises. A woman holds one up.

Woman: “Why are these so expensive?”

Me: *Joking* “Well, there’s only one per bull, so…”

Woman: “Well, what is it made of?”

Me: *Trying not to laugh* “His, y’know… stick.”

She couldn’t have dropped it faster if it had been on fire. I love this place.

Not A Very Mice Thing To Do

, , , , | Right | March 8, 2021

I work at a chain pet store that does not sell live feeder mice, but we do sell pet mice. Two men in their early twenties come in and spend plenty of time in the reptile section. They collect a snake hide from the shelf and then find another employee to catch them two mice “as pets.”

Thankfully, I get to her first.

Me: “Don’t they have snake merchandise in their hands?”

Coworker: “Uh, yeah.”

Me: “And no mice merchandise.”

Coworker: *Pauses* “Right.”

I go up to them.

Me: “Aren’t you the guys who called earlier today to ask if we sell live feeder mice?”

One blinks.

Customer: “Uh, yeah, but I was just wondering, so…”

Me: “So, you know for pet mice you need a cage, right?”

They left, sans mice. Some people just really want to fight the system.

Feeling Spicy About Dressing

, , , , , | Working | February 25, 2021

There’s a popular burger chain near my house. They make a salad I like with chicken, guacamole, and bacon. However, I hate the spicy ranch dressing it comes with, so I ask for plain, instead. Seems simple, right?

Ha, no.

I’ve been getting this salad once or twice a month for half a year. I order the same thing every time, and never, not once, have I gotten just plain ranch. Sometimes I get both plain and spicy, sometimes neither. Sometimes I get something completely out of left field, like the day I got raspberry vinaigrette and Parmesan crisps. (How?)

I carry on because the chicken is always delicious. It was annoying at first, but now it’s just funny. It’s become such a running joke in my family that the last time we ordered there, my mom leaned over to peek in my bag and said, “Which one did you get this time?”

It was Caesar.

Some Customers Deserve To Be Carted Off, Part 2

, , , , | Right | October 15, 2020

I work night stock at a grocery store. One person is the cashier but does stock a couple aisles by themselves near their registers so they can see when they have a customer wanting to check out. I’m the cashier tonight.

I’m approached by a youngish couple with a full cart, the woman having a distinct silver-dyed hair color.

Customer: “Where are the hotdog buns?”

I point them in the right direction and go about my business. Later, I realize I haven’t seen that couple in a while and after asking my coworkers, I discover that they simply walked out of the store with their full cart.


I alert management and move on.

A few days later, I spot them in the store again, accompanied by another guy. Something in me snaps and I decide to confront them. I walk over and ask if they’re finding everything okay.

Me: “Hey, weren’t you in here the other night?”

Customer: “No, I don’t think so.”

Me: “Yeah, I recognize your hair. You asked me where the hotdog buns were and then we never saw you again.”

By this point, they’ve started looking at each other uncomfortably.

Customer: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Me: “I think you do.”

Customer: “No, I don’t.”

Me: “I think you do.”

Being a mother, I gave them the look that all mothers give when they know someone’s lying. I then simply walked away to continue stocking. 

One of my coworkers was nearby during this encounter, and after I walked away, continued to stand there with her arms crossed, staring at these people. They left quickly after that.

The best part, the woman had forgotten her billfold in the cart, so she had to come back! The silver-haired thief even had the audacity to call me a vulgar name on the way out.

Some Customers Deserve To Be Carted Off