The Cutest Little Signature

, , , , , | Right | July 24, 2019

(My coworker is cashing out a little boy, about ten or so, who is picking up his mom’s order that she called in. Because the order was over $25, we have to have a signature on the receipt, but having him sign it isn’t a problem, so my coworker hands the receipt and a pen to him.)

Coworker: “All right, I just need your signature on this copy, okay?”

Little Kid: “Um… Can I just write my name? I don’t think I have a signature.”

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Yule Regret That

, , , , | Right | December 23, 2018

(I am working around Christmas time, just minding my own business, when a lady comes in that used to be friends with my family. For a while, my family and I had gone to the same church as this woman, but it’s been a long time since I went to church. After the transaction is over and she’s leaving, I cheerfully wish her a “Happy holidays!” after which she all but runs over to me.)

Lady: *whispering conspiratorially* “Honey, I know that they make you say that, but you can say the real holiday to me. You don’t have to be all PC.”

Me: “You know, you’re right.”

Lady: *visibly brightens* “Merry Christmas!”

Me: “Have a happy Yule and a merry Winter Solstice.”

(All of a sudden, she made a you-betrayed-me face and ran away. Guess she forgot there’s more than one “real” holiday this time of year, including the pagan ones.)

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A Sinking, Drinking Feeling

, , , , , , | Friendly | August 31, 2018

(I work at a restaurant, and all of a sudden, for about three months, one of my coworkers is off the schedule. He apparently has some medical issue, and isn’t able to work. Fast forward and he’s back at work. Everyone asks what happened, but it’s very obvious he does not want to talk about it, so we let him know we’re here if he needs us, and move on. A few weeks later, a young woman comes in wearing scrubs for a well-known drug and alcohol rehab facility. She immediately greets him by name and asks how he’s doing, before dropping this gem:)

Young Woman: “I haven’t seen you since you stayed with us at [Rehab]! Are you doing better?”

(He was embarrassed at the question and mumbled something before disappearing. I later found out — from him — that he admitted himself for alcoholism, and was, in fact, doing much better. But I couldn’t believe she did that. Even if she wasn’t working at a rehab facility, that would still be a HIPAA violation.)

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Will Have The Customers Steaming

, , , , , , | Working | April 24, 2018

(I work in a sub shop known for steaming the meat that goes on the sandwiches. We get a lot of pregnant women coming in because we steam the meat; however, it only reaches 140 Fahrenheit, not the 165 it is supposed to, so it’s fairly common for pregnant women to ask us to steam it twice. The owner is working today, and he is known for cutting corners to save time and money. We get a web order asking us to double-steam one of the sandwiches.)

Me: “Hey, do you want me to wait to toast the bread until the steamer goes once?”

Boss: “Nah, I’m not going to double-steam it, anyway.”

Me: “Uh, okay, but if you give some pregnant lady listeria, it’s all on you, dude.”

Boss: “Meh, I can live with it.”

(This was after he told us to only heat beef-based meatballs to 140 Fahrenheit, not the health department required 165. I no longer listen to him, and I just do things the right way.)

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Unfiltered Story #102076

, , , | Unfiltered | December 21, 2017

I am working with my manager and the closers, and he is trying to explain how to tell what sauce goes in what sauce bottle when he comes up with this gem:

“It’s not the size of the top that matters- it’s the size of the hole in the bottom.”