I used to work in Yellowstone. One day, a bison came and lay down close to the boardwalk at Old Faithful. A woman holding a little boy (toddler age) started running up to it. Luckily, I had grabbed her by the back of her shirt and pulled her down.

Guest: “What are you doing?!”

Me: “Saving your life.”

Guest: *Screeching.* “You just assaulted me!”

Her screeching startles the bison, who stands up and scurries away.

Guest: *Still screeching.* “Now look at what you did?! I’m going to sue you and the lodge for ruining a perfect vacation photo!”

Like many national parks in the US, ours comes with plenty of bison.

I’m driving down one of the roads that crosses the park when I come across some stopped traffic. Some cars, most containing families, have stopped to take photos of a small herd of bison that are crossing the road. 

I get out of my car to admire the view just in time to overhear:

Child: “Oh wow! Fluffy cows!”

Mother: “I know! Oh, look! There’s a baby! [Child’s Name], go stand next to it so I can take a photo!”

I sigh and roll my eyes. This happens more often than anyone would care to admit.

Me: “Ma’am, please do not instruct your child to approach the bison.”

Mother: “But they look so gentle! And they’re so fluffy!”

Me: “Ma’am. The fluffy cows are not tame; they are not friendly, the males outweigh you ten times, and you are very squishy. Even more so for your child.”

Mother: “But—”

Me: “—Do not annoy the fluffy cows!”

Mother: “Get back in the car, [Child’s Name]. This mean man doesn’t want you to get a photo.”

They get back in their car and drive on without incident once the herd has moved on. I hope that kid makes it to adulthood!

I spot a park ranger while enjoying the view of the Grand Canyon. I ask him:

Me: “How many people fall in and die?”

Ranger: *Smirking and not skipping a beat.* “All of them.”

Took me a second. Definitely not the first time someone had asked that!

I’m doing my patrol in Yosemite National Park, and come upon some tourists arriving at Glacier Point, easily one of the best views in the whole park.

Visitor: “Wow! That’s an amazing view!”

Me: “Sure is!”

Visitor: “So this is the Grand Canyon!”

I just… kept on patrolling.

I work for Yellowstone National Park. Dealing with park visitors at the visitor center is always the funniest and saddest part of my job simultaneously.

Visitor: “Where are the hot springs?”

Me: “Right here on the map. You just follow this trail.”

Visitor: “Do you provide towels?”

Me: “Towels?”

Visitor: “For the spa.”

Me: “We don’t have a spa.”

Visitor: “But there are hot springs!”

Me: “Natural hot springs, that you can view from a distance.”

Visitor: “But what about Travertine Terraces!”

Me: “The Travertine Terraces are natural terraces built up from calcium carbonate deposited by the hot springs.”

Visitor: “Well… it sounds like a spa!”

The visitor wanders off angrily, and I’m left chuckling to myself… until it started happening every week.

Now, when visitors ask if they can swim in the hot springs, our go-to answer is “only once!”