“Wade” Into Her Zone But You “Peter”-ed Out

, , , , , , | Romantic | July 23, 2019

(I’m browsing the men’s clothing section of the store. There is one other customer in that section and he decides to approach me.)

Customer: “I like your T-shirt.”

Me: *glances up* “Oh? Yeah, thanks.” *makes a shooing motion* “I’m trying to find a Call of Duty T-shirt for my boyfriend, so go bother someone else.”

Customer: *snorts* “Yeah, and I’ll bet you’re only wearing that Spider-Man T-shirt to impress your boyfriend!”

(I burst out laughing and shake my head.)

Me: “Dude, if I was single and even remotely interested, you just blew any chance you would have had!” *pointing at my T-shirt* “This is Deadpool’s logo, not Spider-Man’s!”

Customer: *turns beet red* “Well, excuse me! Hot chicks aren’t supposed to like comic books!”

(I laughed even harder and he walked off in a huff.)

1 Thumbs

Unfiltered Story #156823

, , , | Unfiltered | July 2, 2019

We were a few weeks out from our busy season and received a call from a customer to book a room for herself and her spouse. Rooms in our town are difficult to book during this season, and we have a strict cancellation policy on our web site, which we refer customers to after informing them about the details on the phone.

This guest arrives and parks in the front drive, she and her husband come to the front door, but seem rather hesitant. I answer the door.

Me: “Good afternoon, I’m (my name). Welcome to (our bed and breakfast).”

As she makes her way through the door, followed by the man wearing the camouflage hat,
Her: “Is that your van parked out front?”

Me: “Yes ma’am. Is there a problem? Do I need to move it for you?”

Her: “It’s yours? With the Obama sticker on it?”

Me: “Yes ma’am. That is who I am supporting in this election.”

I immediately saw that she was not impressed with my choice, but I would just make it a point to steer breakfast conversation away from politics and concentrate of sharing some of the great visitor opportunities in our area.

After showing them through the house, and showing them their room, we wound up back at the front door, where I offered to help them get their luggage brought in and indicated where parking was located. As I opened the door, she looked me directly in the eye with the most blood curdling look and stated, “I cannot stay with a bunch of baby killers” as she pulled the door out of my hand and stormed off the front porch back to her car.

I charged her card for being outside the published cancelation period. Apparently our credit card processor wasn’t willing to deal with her, and we lost the income for that room for the weekend.

Your Intentions Are Stronger Than A Crane Hand

, , , , , , | Hopeless | April 11, 2018

(I’m pretty good with crane games, and I play them anytime I go to a certain store. I put a couple dollars into a machine one day and win three plush toys: a popular superhero and two of his villains. As I’m waiting for my mom and sister to catch up to me, a man with three young boys walk out of the store.)

Boy #1: *pointing at me* “Oh, look! She’s got [Superhero] and [Villain #1] and [Villain #2]!”

Boy #2: *excitedly pointing at the machine* “She got ’em outta there!”

Boy #3: *tugs his dad’s sleeve* “Daddy, can you win us something? I want [Villain #1]! He’s my favorite!”

Boys’ Dad: *sighs* “I can try. I never can win anything out of those things.”

Me: *holding out the toys* “Here. Take them.”

Boys’ Dad: “Are you sure?”

Me: *nodding* “Oh, yeah. Take them. I’ve got loads of stuff like this at home because I play those games so much. Honestly, my mom would probably appreciate you taking them with you.”

(As I say this, my mom and sister have finally caught up to me.)

Mom: *sighs* “Really, [My Name]? Why do you keep playing those things? You’ve got more stuffed toys than you can shake a stick at.”

Me: *grinning* “See? I told you she would want you to take them.”

Boys: *each grabbing a toy* “YAY! Thank you!”

Boys’ Dad: “Thank you so much. You didn’t have to do that.”

Mom: “No, thank you! She’s won so many stuffed animals and things out of those machines that it’s ridiculous. Thank you for keeping them out of my house.”

(I don’t carry cash on me these days, but for the next six or so years after that I would give any toys I won to nearby children to keep from driving my mom crazy.)

1 Thumbs

Mouth Wide Shut

, , , | Healthy | December 11, 2017

(For some reason, all of my baby teeth didn’t come out on their own, so at 13 I had to have all four of my canines removed. The dentist removes the ones on the left side without issue and I go back a few weeks later to have the ones on the right removed. The bottom one comes out easily enough but when the dentist tries to pull out the top one, he winds up roughly yanking my head forward.)

Me: *yelps but keeps mouth open* “Ow! That hurt!”

Dentist: *grasps my tooth again and tries to wiggle it* “Hmm, looks like it’s still got the root. That’s weird.”

Me: “Does it need cutting out?”

Dentist: “Nah, it just means you have to open your mouth wider.”

Me: *frowning* “It doesn’t get wider than that.”

Dentist: “Sure, you can.”

(He then proceeds to put one hand in my mouth and tries to force my mouth open wider than is physically possible. My jaw makes a loud, clicking sort of pop as he does and I shout in pain then, without thinking, I bite down on his hand. HARD. He screams and he and his assistant pry my mouth open. I’m given another shot of Novocaine and he finally RIPS my tooth out. He gives me the tooth as a souvenir and his assistant packs the holes in my mouth then sends me on my way. I can’t get out to my mom out fast enough and refuse to let her schedule a follow-up or the cleaning I’m due.)

Mom: *as we’re getting in the car* “What was that screaming? Was that you?”

Me: “Nope, I bit the dentist. And I bit him good, too.”

Mom: *shocked* “Oh, my god, [My Name]! Why?!”

(I relate what happened and she stares at me with her mouth hanging open.)

Mom: *muttering as we drive off* “We are NOT coming back here. Ever. And I’m telling everyone I know to never come here.”

(About a year later the dentist closed his practice.)

1 Thumbs