(In music, “pianissimo” means “very quiet”. It is abbreviated as “PP” on sheet music and scores. Currently, I am teaching a student who always pounds the keys, no matter what dynamic level is indicated.)
Student: “Oh no! This has PP!”
Me: “Yep, it’s a quiet piece.”
Student: “I hate PP! It’s too hard to do. I can’t do PP!”
Me: “Sounds like a personal problem to me, buddy…”
(My primary job is delivering pizzas, but I’m also the lead vocalist in a metal band that’s popular in the local area. We’re not well known much further than that. We recently played a show where we also sold a small amount of merchandise.)
Me: *handing pizzas to customer* “That’ll be $35.”
(The customer hands me the money. I notice that he’s wearing a hoodie with our band’s name and logo on it.)
Me: “Nice hoodie!”
Customer: “Yeah, man! I was at the show last weekend.”
Me: “Awesome, how’d you like it?”
Customer: “They’re wicked, man! I feel kinda bad for taking this hoodie right of off the wall.”
Me: *speechless*
Customer: “Were you there, too?”
Me: “Yes, I was the one holding the microphone.”
(I work as a nurse in a hospital in Illinois in 2011. Keep in mind we’re quite busy at the moment. A woman rushes up to me dragging a preteen girl behind her.)
Woman: “Help! Please help! My daughter needs a vaccine!”
Me: “Okay, ma’am, I need to know what the vaccine is for. Do you have an appointment?”
Woman: “No! I don’t have any appointment! My daughter has a fever!”
Daughter: “Mom! I don’t have a fever!”
Woman: *still looking at me* “Her aunt told me she has it! The Heever Fever!”
Me: “Ma’am, are you trying to say ‘Bieber Fever’?”
Woman: “Yes! That!”
Daughter: “Mom! You’re embarrassing me!”
(I work the concession stand in a movie theater.)
Me: “Good afternoon! How can I help you?”
Customer: “Is Justin Bieber working today?”
Me: *very confused* “Excuse me?”
Customer: “Is Justin Bieber working here today?”
Me: “Justin Bieber has a record contract across the pond. Why would he work here?”
Customer: “Guess not then.”
(The customer and two friends leave. A couple of hours later, a lanky teenager with hair very much like Bieber’s comes down to the concessions stand.)
Me: “Sorry, but do your friends call you Justin Bieber?”
New Employee: *exasperated* “Yes, why?”
Me: “They were here not that long ago, but I didn’t realize they were talking about someone that looks like Justin Bieber.”
(It has been a quiet morning but the store has been filling up and it is very loud. My ears haven’t quite adjusted yet.)
Me: “Hi, how are you?”
(I begin scanning and bagging her items.)
Customer: *mumbling*
Me: “Did you find everything okay?”
(The customer mumbles again and then begins singing something unintelligible. We play music in the store, so I think she is singing along.)
Customer: *gradually increasing in volume* “No bag… no bag… NO bag… NO BAG!”
Me: “I’m sorry, are you singing, ‘No bag’?”
Customer: “Well, I told you a couple of times, but you went ahead and started bagging, so I decided to sing it!”
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