(I am at my choir lesson. Our director is trying to get us to say, “Pah-rah-gah-te”. We are saying it “Pay-ruh-gah-te”.)
Director: “Everyone say, ‘pah-rah-gah.'”
Us: “Pay-ruh-gah.”
Director: “No! Say, um, ‘Uh muh gahd.'”
Us: “Uh muh gahd.”
Director: “Pah-rah-gah.”
Us: “Pah-rah-gah.”
Director: “Perfect! Now, start singing.”
(We sing the song, with each paragate perfect. This is why he is my favorite director.)
(It is during the annual UIL (University Interscholastic League) contest. As a requirement, all orchestras have to play three pieces for the concert portion of said contest. One of the pieces being performed by my group is called “Ase’s (pronounced ‘Ace’s’) Death”. As per contest rules, an announcer announces the pieces we are playing before we begin. However…)
Announcer: “Today, the [My School] orchestra will be playing [Piece #1], Asses’ Death by Grieg, and [Piece #3].
(I wonder if the announcer noticed some of the students snickering at that unfortunate mispronunciation.)
(I go to a well-known private high school. Before high school, I was in a junior choir that sang at an international level. Since the demand is so high, the audition is very demanding, and you have to re-audition every year to keep your spot. I consistently do this for five years until I age out of the program. When I enter high school, I decide to audition for both the international senior choir and my high school choir. I audition and get into the senior choir but not the school choir and instead go to the open choir that’s also run at my school. The instructor teaches both choirs and always makes a point to remind us that we’re not as good as the audition choir. Halfway through the year, my choir instructor has an announcement.)
Instructor: “All right, everyone, I want you all on your best behaviour. A conductor from [Senior Choir] is coming in to talk to you all. This will be a good opportunity to see if you can improve enough to join our audition choir.”
(We arrive next rehearsal and, lo and behold, it’s my current international senior choir conductor! He gives us a very good lesson and recognises me halfway through. When the class is over, he beckons for me to stay behind to chat.)
Me: “[Conductor]! How are you?”
(We talk for several minutes until my high school instructor comes over.)
Instructor: “Now, now, little miss. Don’t bother the poor conductor. Run along to your next class.”
Conductor: *frowns in confusion* “But aren’t we going to your auditioned choir next?”
Instructor: “Yes.”
Conductor: “Well, isn’t [My Name] in the auditioned choir?”
Instructor: “Oh, good lord, no!”
Conductor: “Are you telling me that your standards are so high that you’re turning down someone I teach at an international level three times a week? No wonder your other choir only has ten people in it!”
This story is part of our Music In Our Schools roundup!
Read the next Music In Our Schools roundup story!
Read the Music In Our Schools roundup!
(At the start of Year Nine, my class gets a new music teacher. Although she is a good teacher at first, as the year wears on, she gets much stricter and meaner to the students. Soon, it becomes common practice for those of us who use the music practice rooms to only use them on the days when the teacher isn’t around. On a day when the teacher is in, a friend and I go to the practice rooms to rehearse for a performance we are giving soon. We find that all of the practice rooms are locked.)
Me: *to teacher* “[Teacher], could you unlock a practice room for us, please?”
Teacher: “No. The music centre is being used today.”
(Ignoring the fact that the practice rooms are not actually in use, we go to the only other available piano in the school, outside the music classroom, and start practicing on that. I put the sound down on it so as not to disturb anyone.)
Teacher: *leaving classroom* “I told you that you can’t be in here! You need to read the SIGN!”
Me: “I read the sign. It says that we can’t use the rooms on Monday or Tuesday for the rest of term—”
Teacher: “—and that you CAN’T use the music centre because it’s IN USE today!”
Me: “But—”
Teacher: “What you need to do is go outside and READ the SIGN!”
(I go outside and read the sign, which is one of several posted on the door. In about two hundred words, it says that we cannot use the centre when the teacher isn’t in – Monday and Tuesday – or when it is reserved for a number of school bands – Wednesday to Friday. I give up on trying to rehearse and leave, accepting that we won’t be able to perform tomorrow as planned, since our first and only practice was yesterday and we are not ready. Later on, my other friend, who has just had a lesson with the music teacher, complains to me about her lesson.)
Friend: “[Teacher] split our group up!”
Me: “What?!”
Friend: “Yeah, she told [Other Group Members] that they couldn’t perform and told me I have to do a solo!”
Me: “Why would she do that?!”
Friend: “She said that [Other Group Members] have ‘confidence issues’ and can’t perform!”
Me: “Oh, lord. Is anyone actually going to take Music GCSE with her teaching it?”
(A few days later, I look at the class numbers for my year in Year 10. Only six people – out of a class of ninety-six – had applied for music! And our music teacher was NOT happy about that!)
This story is part of our Music In Our Schools roundup!
Read the next Music In Our Schools roundup story!
Read the Music In Our Schools roundup!
(I’m playing first chair, second violin in my sophomore year of high school. During one rehearsal, the conductor is auditioning people for the violin solo in a Tchaikovsky serenade. She has us play over and over while some students play the 2-minute solo.)
Conductor: “Okay, start from three measures before the entrance and I’ll cut you off…”
(She doesn’t call on the next interested soloist, so no one comes in at that point. On a whim, I whistle the whole thing while playing my own part. Two minutes later…)
Conductor: “That was lovely, but who missed their cue for the solo?”
Me: “You forgot to ask anyone to play it last time.”
Conductor: *turning to first violinists* “Okay, [Name] is next. If you don’t do better, I’m giving the solo to our whistler over here.”
