(My first job in IT, around 1993, was in a small PC shop that did not have any field support for our clients but I did help out clients over the phone in order for me to decide whether or not they should bring in their equipment.)

Me: “Good day. Thank you for calling [Shop]. My name is [My Name]. How may I assist you?”

Client: “I just bought this game and the music sounds extremely garbled.”

(It is one of the early Command and Conquer games.)

Me: “It should not sound like that. Have you tried reconnecting the speakers?”

Client: “Yes, I have done that and it still sounds like s***. But my other discs all sound fine.”

Me: “Would you be able to bring in your computer so that we can diagnose it on site?”

Client: “Unfortunately, I cannot as I don’t have a car and only ride bikes.”

(I remember that the client has signed up for our monthly newsletter.)

Me: “I see that you have signed up for our monthly newsletter and notice that your home address is on my way home as I live nearby. I am knocking off in about 15 minutes and can be at your home in another 10 minutes, so I can be there in 25 minutes. How does that sound?”

Client: “That sounds good.”

(I then knock off and get to the client’s house. He shows me to his study and he reproduces the steps that he had followed earlier. But the ‘device’ that he is playing the ‘computer game’ on is definitely not a computer. It is a hi-fi with a CD player.)

Client: “I heard from a friend that the music on the disc was awesome. Not scratchy and irritating like this.”

Me: “Well, sir, what you are actually listening to is actual computer data. Your hi-fi won’t be able to read the data properly and it is therefore spewing out this rubbish.”

Client: “Well, how do we then fix it?”

Me: “You would need to get a computer to play this disc.”

Client: “What the heck is a computer?”

(Our band teacher periodically checks our band’s instruments to make sure everything is in shape and to make repairs if it isn’t. Sometimes, he points out a certain in instrument and either compliments or calls out people, depending on how well that person takes care of their stuff. Our tuba section can be a bit rowdy sometimes.)

Teacher: “See, trombones? Be like [My Name]. He always keeps his things in gear. Besides the really small dents, which you can’t really blame since his instrument is older than me, it’s in perfect condition.”

Me: *takes back instrument*

Teacher: “On the other hand, tubas. How the h*** did you manage to stuff sweet and sour sauce far enough inside so that every time you blow, it sounds like a really wet sponge being thrown at a wall?”

(Our choir director has lost most of her accent, but English isn’t her first language and sometimes it shows. We have an “Earth Day”-themed concert coming up.)

Director: “I still haven’t decided on the name for next month’s concert yet. Something about the Earth. ‘Earth Music,’ maybe? Send me your ideas if you have any. Oh, how about ‘The Call of Nature?’ That could work…”

(Finally someone managed to stop giggling long enough to explain why we wouldn’t want that particular title — although it would probably get more people to look at our flyers!)

(In my senior year of high school, my biology teacher and I bond over our love for the Broadway show “Hamilton.” It is a fairly quiet day and she decides to pass back a chunk of papers that she has spent longer than usual grading, due to a mixup with another teacher.)

Teacher: “Okay, here’s the last month of work. I’m sorry it took so long, guys. Since [Other Teacher] accidentally took our papers instead of hers, I’ve been working to fix the grading pretty much nonstop.”

Unable to resist, I bolt to my feet.

Me: “Gentlemen of the jury, I’m curious; bear with me. Are you aware that we’re making history? This is the first murder trial of our brand new nation, the liberty behind deliberation! I intend to prove, beyond the shadow of a doubt, with my assistant counsel—”

Teacher: *without missing a beat* “Co-counsel, [My Name], sit down. Your test grade was atrocious; did you even read this? That’s all you gotta do.”

Me: “Okay.” *sits back down*

(A few people clapped and we got some laughs. After that, the teacher and I made it a game to see who could insert “Hamilton” lyrics into everyday situations in class.)

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(I work at a market research firm. Part of my job involves calling the manufacturers of high-tech devices to interview them. Some of the companies I call are very large, and others are quite small family firms. Some of the smaller companies have local radio stations on instead of hold music. Usually these are country music stations with ads about farm equipment. One time though:)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] calling from [Company]. Could I be connected with [Project Manager], please?”

Receptionist: “Sure thing. Please hold.”

Me: “Okay.”

Hold Music: *really loud gangsta rap* “MY MONEY AND MY HOES!”

(I started laughing so hard I had to hang up and call back again.)