(It’s a slow day at the mall when a customer walks our store. Two steps in, she puts her fingers in her ears.)

Customer: “Can you turn that music down?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t turn it down, but I’ll ask my manager.”

Customer: “Okay…” *walks to the back of the store with her fingers in her ears*

Me: *to my associate* “Can you go ask the store manager if we can turn down the music? I don’t want a customer shopping with her fingers in her ears.”

(She eventually returns to my counter.)

Customer: “Can’t you turn it down?! I’m the only one here!”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re working on it.”

Customer: “The bass is too loud!”

Me: “We’ll get the volume down for you.”

(My associate walks to the back room, and as he opens the door the customer continues shouting until he turns down the music. Satisfied, she eventually buys one shirt.)

Customer: “Can I get a gift box?”

Associate: “We only have them at Christmas.”

Customer: “Oh. Then I’ll just come in and look for the two of you at Christmas and get a box.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t work all the time. If you bring your receipt in, any of the associates will be happy to give you a box at Christmas.”

Customer: “But I want a box from you! You won’t forget me.”

Me: “I meet a lot of people during the week, ma’am.”

Customer: “You won’t forget me!” *circles her face with her hand* “I was the crazy lady with fingers in her ears that asked you to turn the music down!”

(A customer comes up to our customer service desk complaining about music playing in our store.)

Customer: “I want you to take that last song off the speakers.”

Me: “Umm, Don’t Upset The Rhythm? Is that the one?”

Customer: “The one that goes ‘Go Baby Go Baby Go’?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: “Yes, take it off. It’s pressuring me to hurry my shopping!”

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to make a complaint.”

Me: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

Caller: “Last night, I came here to see Sum 41 and The Offspring. Sum 41 called some people up onto the stage, but they didn’t know the words!”

Me: “Wait, you’d like to complain about a random fan a singer picked to come up on stage?!”

Caller: “Yes! These girls just danced around like fools! I’ve been a fan for years and I know all the words, so why wasn’t I picked to go on stage?”

(I’m a band host for a Norwegian band and am working at a music festival in Trondheim, Norway. An irate lady comes up to me.)

Lady: “What the h*** is going on?”

Me: “This is the Trondheim Rock Festival.”

Lady: “But it’s in the middle of everything!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is.”

Lady: “I have to go all around it to get to the other side of the city center!”

Me: “Yes. Yes, you do.”

Lady: “But this is outrageous! How can you do this without telling people on beforehand?”

Me: “Well, there’s been a lot of publicity on TV, posters on the walls, and in the newspapers. It also takes place the same time each year.”

Lady: “Hmph! I think you should get something done about this. You can’t expect people to remember, look at posters, read newspapers, or watch TV all the time!”

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Music Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m having a little trouble with this CD.” *holds up a Carrie Underwood CD*

Me: “All right, what’s the problem with it?”

Customer: “Well, I was listening to that song, you know, Before He Cheats.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Well, the lyrics don’t really make sense in one part.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Well, you see, she says, ‘I may have saved a little trouble for the next girl, because the next time that he cheats, you know it won’t be on me.'”

Me: “…”

Customer: “You see, she hasn’t really helped the next girl at all. She’s saying he’ll cheat again, and that it won’t be on her, so it’ll be on the next girl! That next girl isn’t being helped at all!”

Me: “…so there’s nothing wrong with the CD itself?”

Customer: “The lyrics don’t make any sense at all!”

Me: “Ma’am, if the CD itself plays correctly, then…”

Customer: “Well, I’m saying it DOESN’T play correctly! The words are wrong!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s nothing I can do to change the lyrics of a song.”

Customer: “Can’t you just call her up, and make her change them? I mean, really, it’s in her best interest, since her song would make more sense, and more people would buy it that way!”

Me: “Ma’am, let me be sure I’m understanding you. You want me to somehow call Carrie Underwood, and have her change the lyrics to her song, which has sold millions of copies, because you don’t approve.”

Customer: “Exactly! I knew someone would understand. The other store I went to didn’t help at all!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you saying that, not only is the actual CD playing without skips, and the disk is not scratched, but that you bought it somewhere else?”

Customer: “Well, yes. So, can you call her?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I can not.”

(The customer refused to understand that I could not, in fact, change the lyrics, and spent another 10 minutes trying to explain why she was upset.)

This story is part of our Musically Ignorant Customers roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

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