Me: “Thank you for calling [Electronics Store]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was wanting to buy one of those thingies that records stuff on a tape.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. What exactly were you looking to use this for?”

Customer: “I want to record myself singing and send it to my grandkids.”

Me: “Well, it sounds like you’d need a voice recorder for that.”

Customer: “Oh, then I just send them the tape?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, our company discontinued tapes. Almost everything gets recorded onto digital data, like memory cards and such.”

Customer: “What’s a memory card?”

(I provide a lengthy explanation of memory card.)

Customer: “So, then I just mail them the memory card instead of the tape?”

Me: “No, ma’am. You could simply e-mail them the file of the audio clip.”

Customer: “What’s e-mail?”

(I am checking out a customer buying an MP3 player.)

Customer: “Does this come charged?”

Me: “I don’t think so. Why?”

Customer: “Well, I want to listen to it on the way home.”

Me: “But there’s nothing on it.”

Customer: “There’s not? Where’s all the music, then?”

This story is part of our Musically Ignorant Customers roundup!

Read the next Musically Ignorant Customers roundup story!

Read the Musically Ignorant Customers roundup!

(A customer approaches the service counter.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Is this the real life?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Is this just fantasy?”

Me: *catching on* “Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.”

Customer: “D*** it! I was trying to prank you! You shouldn’t know what I’m doing!”

Me: “Doesn’t really matter to me, to meeee.”

Customer: “F*** you!” *storms off*

This story is part of the Pranks roundup!

Read the next Pranks roundup story!

Read the Pranks roundup!

Me: “Thank you for calling [Library]. How may I be of assistance?”

Caller: “Yeah, my son said he wanted to check out some CDs. Do you guys have CDs?”

Me: “Of course. Can you tell me what type of CD he’s looking for?”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I mean is he looking for audiobooks, computer games, music?”

Caller: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “I’m sorry, let me be more clear. Did he want–”

Caller: “No, I mean I don’t understand what you said before.”

Me: “I was just asking if you knew what type of CD he was looking for. Like audiobooks, or music, or–”

Caller: “Wait, what’s that?”

Me: “What’s what?”

Caller: “That thing you just said.”

Me: “What, music?”

Caller: “Yeah, what’s that?”

(A skinny teenager, dressed all in black, approaches us.)

Customer: “Have you heard anything about last night’s Marilyn Manson concert?”

Me: “Not really my thing, sorry.”

Customer: “Oh, so I take it you don’t like Manson?”

Me: “It’s just been done.”

Customer: “I don’t get what you mean.”

Me: “I mean the whole ‘evil’ shtick’s been done before. Alien Sex Fiend did it back in the ’70s; Ozzie Osbourne did it; Alice Cooper did it. It’s been done.”

Customer: *mulls on this for a moment* “Oh… oh, my God. You’re right!”