One Word Republic

| Bartlett, TN, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

(I work at a well-known music store. A customer in his mid-40’s approaches my register.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a CD for my daughter for her birthday by ‘One Republic’. I forgot which CD the song it is on. It goes like this: ‘it’s too late tapollagize, it’s too late’.”

Me: “I think you mean ‘to apologize’, sir. But right over here, please follow me.”

(I pick up the CD ‘Dreaming Out Loud’ and hand it to the man.)

Customer: “No, no, no! This can’t be it.”

Me: “I assure you this is the CD with the song ‘Apologize’ on it, sir.”

Customer: “Are you stupid?! This can’t be it! ‘IT’S TOO LATE TAPOLLAGIZE!'”

(I was eventually able to convince him he was wrong, but he still left the store without buying the CD.)

Either Way, Their Works Are Ear-Splitting

| OH, USA | Musical Mayhem

(I am working the till when a teenage male customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any albums by Vincent Van Gogh?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Vincent Van Gogh.”

Me: “Umm, you do know this is a music store, right?”

Customer: “Yeah. Do you have anything by Vincent Van Gogh or not?”

Me: “No. Vincent Van Gogh was a painter, not a musician.”

Customer: “What?! But didn’t he do that song, Starry Night?”

Me: “Sir, Starry Night is the name of one of Van Gogh’s paintings.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Ah, geez. I asked my girlfriend who her favorite artist was. She must’ve misunderstood the question. Hang on, let me go talk to her.”

(He leaves. A few minutes later, he comes back.)

Customer: “Sorry about that. Do you have anything by Michael Bolton?”

Me: “Yes we do. Would you like me to show you?”

Customer:“Yes! Thank God, I thought he’d be another painter!”

It’s Gonna Be Them, This I Promise You

| Portsmouth, NH, USA | Musical Mayhem

(A customer comes into the music store where I work and asks me and my coworker if we can identify a song for him.  He sings a little bit and I immediately recognize it as being by NSYNC.)

Customer: “No, I’m sure it’s not them. A woman sings it.”

Me: “I’m sure the song you were singing is by NSYNC. I’ll show you the CD.”

Coworker: “She’s right, sir. The song you want is definitely by NSYNC.”

Customer: “It’s by a WOMAN! I’ll find it myself!”

(A little while later, the customer comes up to the register with a CD by Alicia Keys.)

Customer: “This has to be it! It sounds just like her!”

Me: “Okay, but I have to warn you that we do not give refunds on open CDs, so if you find out this isn’t the right one you won’t be able to return it.”

Customer: “I’m sure it’s the right one!”

Me: “You’re sure you don’t want to give the NSYNC one a try?”

Customer: “It’s not by them! I told you already!”

(I sell the man the CD and watch as he walks across the parking lot to his car. He sits in his car for a few minutes, gets out, and starts to head back to the store with the CD and wrapper in his hand.)

Customer: “This isn’t the song I wanted! I need to return this!”

Me: “Unfortunately, as I said a few minutes ago, we cannot give refunds for CDs that have been opened.”

Customer: “But I just bought it!”

Me: “I understand that, but I told you before you bought it that it was not right one. You didn’t want to listen to me.”

(The customer and I go back and forth for a few minutes.)

Me: “Look, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll let you exchange this CD for the NSYNC one.”

Customer: “It’s not them! It’s a woman!”

Me: “Humor me. I’ll let you exchange this CD for the NSYNC one and if it turns out that I’m wrong, I’ll give you a refund. What have you got to lose?”

Customer: “This is a waste of my time! Fine!”

Me: *gets the CD for him and does the exchange*

Customer: “I’ll be back for my refund!”

(Again, I watch the man walk to his car. Not surprisingly, after listening to the CD for a few minutes, he starts his car and then drives off.)