Stiff Upper Lip Vs The American Quip

| UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

(I work in a small independent music shop in the UK. Although our shelf space is limited, we have a pretty good reputation, because of the musical knowledge of our staff and our ability to source and order some really obscure CDs.)

Customer: “Do you have [certain CD] in stock?”

Me: “I’m afraid that we don’t have it at the moment.”

(I quickly checking our database, I find that we’ve never had any requests for it until today.)

Me: “I can source it for you. Would you like to place an order?”

Customer: “I need it today. I’m going back to the States tomorrow.”

Me: “I’m sorry; the suppliers of this disc usually take a couple of days to get things to us.”

Customer: *looking hugely put out* “Well, can you send it to San Francisco?”

Me: “Yes, that should be fine.”

Customer: “I guess you’ll drop the shipping costs, seeing how you didn’t have it in stock when I asked.”

Me: “I’m afraid that isn’t policy in this shop. We don’t pretend to be able to keep in stock any CD our customers might ask for, after all. But if you—”

Customer: “Oh, yes, I know what this is. This is Britain muddling through, isn’t it? Just sixty years ago, you won the war; now you can’t even keep a CD in stock.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we’re only a very small shop, and there’s a lot of CDs—”

Customer: “Oh, yes, my friend said you’d try to make excuses, and she’s a Professor, you know. But look!” *holding up three CDs she’d like to buy* “I’m keeping you in business! Britain, muddling through!”

One Word Republic

| Bartlett, TN, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

(I work at a well-known music store. A customer in his mid-40’s approaches my register.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a CD for my daughter for her birthday by ‘One Republic’. I forgot which CD the song it is on. It goes like this: ‘it’s too late tapollagize, it’s too late’.”

Me: “I think you mean ‘to apologize’, sir. But right over here, please follow me.”

(I pick up the CD ‘Dreaming Out Loud’ and hand it to the man.)

Customer: “No, no, no! This can’t be it.”

Me: “I assure you this is the CD with the song ‘Apologize’ on it, sir.”

Customer: “Are you stupid?! This can’t be it! ‘IT’S TOO LATE TAPOLLAGIZE!'”

(I was eventually able to convince him he was wrong, but he still left the store without buying the CD.)

Either Way, Their Works Are Ear-Splitting

| OH, USA | Musical Mayhem

(I am working the till when a teenage male customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any albums by Vincent Van Gogh?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Vincent Van Gogh.”

Me: “Umm, you do know this is a music store, right?”

Customer: “Yeah. Do you have anything by Vincent Van Gogh or not?”

Me: “No. Vincent Van Gogh was a painter, not a musician.”

Customer: “What?! But didn’t he do that song, Starry Night?”

Me: “Sir, Starry Night is the name of one of Van Gogh’s paintings.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Ah, geez. I asked my girlfriend who her favorite artist was. She must’ve misunderstood the question. Hang on, let me go talk to her.”

(He leaves. A few minutes later, he comes back.)

Customer: “Sorry about that. Do you have anything by Michael Bolton?”

Me: “Yes we do. Would you like me to show you?”

Customer:“Yes! Thank God, I thought he’d be another painter!”