(The guitar tech at the locally-owned music store my friends and I frequent has a reputation for being very reliable and knowledgeable, but also snobbish. He has a tendency to make you feel silly for not knowing what he knows about guitar. I generally try to avoid him for routine stuff. I swing into the store to buy some strings, which are in racks behind the counter.)

Employee: “What brand and gauge can I grab for you?”

Me: “Well, first, I’m actually wanting a specific kind, and I know they’re not the normal kind. I just read about them… hex core?”

Employee: *looks over rack* “Hmm. I’m not seeing any that say they’re hex core. Give me a second to run into the next room and I’ll ask [Guitar Guy].”

Me: *shoulders slump; I didn’t make it*

Employee: *coming back* “[Guitar Guy] says all strings are hex core unless they’re labeled round core.”

(I realize my error in that I’d swapped hex and round core strings. I bought some round core and left. Later I ran into one of my friends who knows about that store and I told him what happened.)

Friend: “Man, he wasn’t even in the same room and he still got you! Amazing!”

(I am a customer shopping at a music store that sells previously-owned CDs, vinyl records, etc. I observe the following situation at the counter. A woman in her late 50s or early 60s comes up to the register and throws a CD of a well-known folk rock singer on the counter. The album cover art is a drawing of two cute kids in a sort of 1960s style. Despite the picture, the songs in the album have some R-rated language, and even those that don’t sometimes have quite harsh and heart-breaking lyrics.)

Customer: “I want to return this and get my money back.”

Sales Clerk: “All our sales are final, ma’am, unless the CD is still in its packaging. We can accept it as a resale, though.”

Customer: “No, I want my money back. This is filth! I bought it for my grandson to listen to, and it is full of f-words! It’s completely inappropriate for young children!”

Sales Clerk: “Well, ma’am, this is an album by [Artist]. His music was never intended for young children.”

Customer: “There is a picture from a children’s book on the cover! You deliberately dupe your customers by putting filthy songs into envelopes from children’s music.”

Sales Clerk: “I assure you, ma’am, we have no control over the album cover art, or the lyrics. We just sell music. We don’t produce it.”

Another Customer: *browsing nearby* “Ever heard of not judging a book by its cover? The same goes for music and album covers. Who the hell buys [Artist] for a little kid?”

(The grandma customer ended up agreeing to a resale, and I ended up buying the CD for myself. This was one of the albums I was looking for, and they didn’t have any other copies.)

Customer: “Do you guys buy instruments?”

Me: “Yes, what do you have?”

Customer: “A trumpet; it’s out in the car.”

Me: “Okay, bring it in and we’ll see what we can do.”

(The customer leaves and comes back in with a band instrument case.)

Me: “Let’s have a look.”

(I open the case and pause for a moment.)

Me: “Hey, can you come take a look at this saxophone?”

(I live above a music store, which my landlady owns. It’s Black Friday, and I’m downstairs to give her my rent check. It’s around 11:00 am and the store ALWAYS opens at 10:00. A woman comes storming in and gets into my landlady’s face as much as she can, leaning over the counter.)

Customer: “IT’S BLACK FRIDAY! WHY WEREN’T YOU OPEN FOR YOUR SALES?!”

Landlady: *blinks, the woman taking her by surprise* “I don’t participate in Black Friday, ma’am. This is a music and instrument store.”

Customer: “I know it’s an instrument store! I was expecting to get one of those violins for $50!”

Landlady: “Ma’am, those violins are over $500. I would never sell them for so little. I’ve never posted any signs that I’d be open early, nor have I ever in the 30 years I’ve owned this store. Now, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

(The woman continues to argue, even trying to pull the “this is illegal!” card. Since the shop is located downtown, we’re only two blocks away from the police station. I cut in to her ranting.)

Me: “Lady, the police station is right over there. Should we just call them over to settle this?”

(She glares at me before stomping out.)

Landlady: *muttering* “Crazy old witch.”

(My landlady is still getting cancer treatments, and I’ll happily defend her against any bully.)

This story is part of the Black Friday 2022 roundup!

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(I am working in the guitar department of a large music store. Amongst other things like sale, maintenance, and repair of instruments, we specifically offer customers the opportunity to try out the guitars. This almost always goes without a problem. This afternoon, I am alone, serving a line of about five customers.)

Customer #1: “Can I try out this guitar? I saw the signs by the racks.”

Me: “Certainly, I’ll show you the try-out amps and you can pick your favourite to try it.”

(I lead him to the amplifiers and hook up his guitar. I turn the amp up to about 25%, so that I can still hear the other customers. At this, the customer begins to rage.)

Customer #1: “NO! YOU HAVE TO TURN IT ALL THE WAY UP; OTHERWISE I CAN’T HEAR IF IT’S A GOOD GUITAR!”

Me: “Sir, if I did that, these other customers couldn’t understand their own words. It’s also company policy. I assure you that this level is perfectly acceptable to hear the qualities of your guitar.”

Customer #1: “I SAID TO TURN IT THE F*** UP! HOW THE F*** AM I SUPPOSED TO HEAR IF YOU’RE JUST SELLING S*** INSTEAD OF QUALITY INSTRUMENTS, IF YOU WON’T LET ME HEAR IT?”

(This goes back and forth for five minutes, until the customer finally and reluctantly accepts that I won’t turn the amp up any higher. While he starts playing what I can only guess should be classic rock riffs, I return to my till where [Customer #2], a gentleman in his late 60s with long, white hair, hands me an old, worn-down bass guitar.)

Customer #2: “My grandson has started to become really interested in music and wants to learn to play his own. I would like to have my old bass restored as a gift for his upcoming birthday. You do repairs, right?”

Me: “Of course! It will be as good as new in no time. If you will fill out this form, we can address any special issues and desires you may–”

(At this point we are interrupted by incredibly loud shrieking, as [Customer #1] has decided to turn his amp up himself. Everyone is holding their ears as I run over to him.)

Me: “SIR, PLEASE TURN YOUR AMP DOWN! YOU ARE DISTURBING THE OTHER CUSTOMERS!”

([Customer #1] is just standing provocatively in front of his amp, letting his guitar feed back and gesturing that he doesn’t hear me. After a moment, [Customer #2] comes over, takes a guitar from the racks, and plugs it into the amp next to [Customer #1], who is surprised and mutes his guitar.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, young man. It is obvious you know what you’re doing. Would you honor me by letting me play along with you for a bit?”

Customer #1: “Errr… Sure, Grandpa, but try to keep up with me.”

(At this, [Customer #1] returns to play what I can only describe as the worst version of “Smoke on the Water” I have ever heard – and I have heard many – until [Customer #2] turns his amp just about a third of the way up and starts playing incredibly fast solos on his guitar. [Customer #1] stares in amazement, as does the rest of the shop, and stops playing.)

Customer #2: *stopping for just a moment* “This is only going to work if you play your part, as well, instead of looking at me. I can’t do all the work at my age.”

([Customer #1] stares a bit longer as the old man continues playing. Then, without a word, he drops his guitar on the floor and storms out, red-faced. [Customer #2] turns off the other amp and turns to the rest of the store:)

Customer #2: “The only way to silence bad musicians is by showing them how it is really done.”