Airhead Should Stick To Air Guitar

, , , , | Learning | October 5, 2017

(My dad is a music teacher and often brings us to his school. In June, after final exams, students can come in and see their mark early. My sister is with my dad, and they are about to leave, when a late student comes up.)

Student: “Hey, Mr. [Dad]. Did I finally pass guitar this time?”

Dad: “Uh, no. Sorry, [Student]. I had to fail you again.”

Student: “Oh… Oh, well. See you next year, then! Have a great summer.”

(My dad waves back at the student before turning to my sister.)

Dad: “Don’t ever be like that kid.”

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When Sax-ing Is Taxing

, , , , | Learning | September 5, 2017

(I sometimes volunteer my time to teach kids how to play the saxophone. I’ve been playing the instrument for almost seven years, and have learned many music techniques. I am helping a kid, who’s about thirteen years old, with the basics of playing, and up until now she has been very polite to me.)

Me: “All right. The first thing to do is to press these two fingers down for A for four counts.”

Kid: “SHUT UP! I know how to play this instrument.”

(She then takes the saxophone from me and begins to play the wrong notes.)

Me: “That’s not the right note. You need to press down those—”

Kid: “I KNOW how to play! I bet you don’t even play this instrument!”

Me: *trying to stay polite* “Actually, I’ve played for many years and—”

Kid: “LIAR!”

Me: *still trying to stay polite* “I can assure you that—”

(Before I could finish the sentence, she threw the saxophone at my head and stormed out, talking about quitting this instrument and music altogether. Luckily, she had terrible aim, but the sax was extremely damaged. We had to call her parents in order to repair it. Sadly, they were just like her, though we did get them to repair it eventually.)

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‘Do Re Mi’ Became Do Me

| Learning | February 18, 2017

(In music class, we have just finished watching The Sound Of Music. Our teacher pauses to movie to explain to us what happened to the family afterwards.)

Teacher: “So, two of the children died while they were traveling on the mountain. But, [Main Character] and [Her Husband] had several other children afterwards.”

Student: “So, when they had kids, did they do it on the mountain?”

Teacher: “I’m… not going to answer that.”

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There’ll Be No Peace When You Are Done

| Learning | April 6, 2016

(First day of our music therapy class…)

Instructor: “So, does anyone play an instrument?”

(The entire class is silent, so I decide to pitch in.)

Me: “I can do a mean cover of Carry On Wayward Son on the kazoo.”

Classmate #1: “Ooh, I can punch the keys on a piano and make it vaguely sound like Another Brick in the Wall!”

Classmate #2: “I can bang on a metal pot with a spoon and pretend I’m Lars Ulrich when Metallica was recording St. Anger!”

Me: “We should start a band!”

Classmate #4: “Can I do the vocals? We can use the text to speech program on my laptop!”

Instructor: “What have I created?”

Me: “Something awesome, miss. Something awesome.”

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Good Friends Push You

| Learning | November 18, 2015

(I am learning to drum in a drum group, and a friend and I are the only ones learning a certain kind of drum. We’re a little lacklustre.)

Tutor: “Not good enough! Push yourselves! [My Name], [Friend], push yourselves!”

(My friend turns towards me and pushes me.)

Friend: “Done!”

Me: “He said push yourself, not push me…”

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