Total Eclipse Of The Brain

, , , , , | Right | April 9, 2019

(I work at a science museum, and we have nearly 5,000 people come through the doors for the eclipse on August 21, 2017. We are vastly underprepared for this many people, and have provided 800 pairs of free eclipse glasses which sell out in fifteen minutes. A lot of guests are upset and take this out on the staff:)

Coworker: *working at the front gate* “We’re very sorry, but we do need to let everyone know that we have unfortunately run out of eclipse glasses—“

Guest #1: “This is unbelievable! You’re telling me I f****** stood in line for almost an hour and there are no more glasses? You’re a f****** piece of s***!”

Coworker: “I know it’s inconvenient and I do apologize, but if you head on in, there are plenty of staff who will be more than happy to share eclipse glasses and pinhole projectors—“

(The guest swears profusely at my coworker for several more minutes, then storms away, but not before grabbing the stanchions and flinging them angrily to the ground, just like an angry child.)

Next Guest In Line: “Wow, dude, way to act like an adult.”

Guest #2: *angrily* “Why didn’t you have enough glasses?! Doesn’t [Museum] care that all these people are going to go blind from looking at the eclipse without them?”

Me: *thinking* “Yes, because we are physically forcing you to stare directly at the sun.”

Guest #3: *while standing outside, in the sun, in the courtyard with 4000 other people* “Excuse me. Where can I go to see the eclipse?”

Me: “Um… anywhere you can see the sun, ma’am.”

(I personally answered this question about six times in two hours; my coworkers all reported the same.)

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That Poor Boyfriend

, , , , , | Romantic | March 29, 2019

(My museum is hosting an event with representatives from several organizations given tables to talk with guests about their services. My male, married coworker is assigned to help one of the tables and is talking to a young lady running her organization’s activities.)

Coworker: “All right, looks like everything is ready. If you need anything else, let me know.”

Lady: “I have a boyfriend.”

Coworker: “Good for you? Let me know if you need… water or something.”

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Meet The Obvious Family

, , | Right | March 21, 2019

(I work in a museum selling admission tickets. A man on his own approaches my desk to pay for his ticket.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Museum]!”

Customer: *silent*

(Usually customers will tell us straight away how many tickets they need and which price bracket everyone in the group comes under, but this guy is determined not to speak so I prompt him.)

Me: “How many tickets would you like today?”

Customer: *rolling his eyes* “A family pass, of course. I’m OBVIOUSLY not here alone, am I?! My wife and children are just in the bathroom.”

(Once again, he was completely on his own at the admission desk. I guess he thought I had X-ray vision and could see through solid walls to see who was accompanying him?)

Meet The Camouflage Family
Meet The Theoretical Family
Meet The Blunt Family

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Not Watching The Projectiles Is Actually Even Less Safe

, , , | Right | March 1, 2019

(I work in an open-air museum. During the summer, we always have a visit from a British living history society, who bring reconstructions of Roman artillery pieces with them, which they actually use for demonstrations. However, most people don’t seem to understand how dangerous these things can be if used incorrectly. Every day, when doing such a demonstration, we have to get all visitors to the safe side of the field where the demonstration is being held. And every day, we have the same discussion with at least one person:)

Me: “Would you all go to the far side of the field, please? Just for your own safety!”

Visitor: “Oh, I’m not going to watch the demonstration.”

Me: “You don’t need to watch it. You just have to get out of this area, because otherwise you might get killed by a projectile.”

(Not to mention all the indignant faces people make when you tell them to get out of the danger zone.)

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They Got A Little Lost…

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2019

(I volunteer at a children’s museum in Florida that has an airboat simulator. The ride has about an eight-minute wait, so I like to talk to the kids in line about the Everglades to make it feel shorter.)

Me: “Okay, can anyone name an animal that lives in the Everglades?”

Kids: “Alligator!”

Me: “Besides alligators.”

Kids: “Uh… birds! Snakes!”

Me: “Could you be more specific?”

(Right behind them is a wall with pictures and names of over a dozen Everglades animals.)

Little Girl: “Hippopotamus!”

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