I am visiting an old medieval castle on vacation. I have reached the torture chamber part of the tour. The room contains mock-ups of medieval torture devices, including a stretching rack.

An American father and his son (six years old at the oldest, based on the ticket he’s carrying) are looking at the rack.

Father: “Do you know what this is?”

The kid nods.

Father: “This is a stretching rack. They’d tie people to the chains and then stretch them using that pulley over there.”

Kid: “How did they stretch the chains?”

Father: “They didn’t stretch the chains. They stretched the body.”

Kid: “Oh…” *Eyes go wide in realization* “…oh!“

He then smiles mischievously in the way only six-year-old boys can.

Kid: “That’s so coooool!“

He furiously looks around the room and spots the super-spiky iron maiden.

Kid: “Dad! Daaaad! Tell me about this one!”

I work at a natural history museum that has an earthquake simulator. I am working in the café, and a tourist is telling me about her visit.

Customer: “Oh, we’re having a great day! We went to your earthquake and volcano section and tried the earthquake stimulator!“

Me: “The earthquake sim-ulator! Yes, that’s always a favourite.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, it was a really good stimulation! We all had to hold on while we were shook about!”

Me: “Yes, it’s a pretty good sim-ulator!“

Customer: “I might go try the stimulator one more time before I go, but maybe without the kids. They got scared last time.”

Me: “Yes… that might be best.”

A group of school children are being given a tour of our ancient Egypt section. I am discussing how the pyramids were constructed when one of the chaperones — a grandparent of one of the children — interrupts me.

Chaperone: “Excuse me. How do you know the pyramids were built that way?”

Me: “We’ve been able to make pretty reasonable conclusions from the hieroglyphs left behind, plus other historical documents that—”

Chaperone: “But there’s no video?”

Me: “Video… of the pyramids being constructed?”

There are a few giggles from the group, but the chaperone is undeterred.

Chaperone: “I’m sorry, but if there’s no actual video evidence, then I can’t just take your word for it.”

Chaperone’s Granddaughter: “Grandma, there’s no video evidence of Jesus, either, but you believe in him.”

Chaperone: “Well, that’s different! Jesus was before the pyramids!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, some of Egypt’s great pyramids predate Jesus by a few millennia.”

Chaperone: “Now I know you’re lying. Nothing came before Jesus!”

Chaperone’s Granddaughter: “What about Adam and Eve?”

Chaperone: “Be quiet!”

Later on, after the tour, the chaperone’s granddaughter comes by with her mother, who arrived after the previous discussion.

Chaperone’s Daughter: “I heard my mother gave you a hard time on the tour?”

Me: “Nothing I haven’t handled before.”

Chaperone’s Daughter: “Sorry about her. If it makes you feel better, she watches shows that say the pyramids were built by aliens, and she believes those, so there really was never any hope for you getting through to her.”

Me: “How does she reconcile Jesus with aliens?”

Chaperone’s Daughter: “Every time I ask her that, her hearing aids conveniently run out of battery.”

I work at a science museum with an astronomy section. One side exhibit near the giant sun in our solar system model describes the power of solar energy and how it’s getting cheaper and easier to harness. I see a customer with his family emerge from the moon-landing area and approach the sun.

Customer: “This is bulls***! I saw on the news that solar energy isn’t reliable.”

Me: “Recent developments in battery technology mean that solar energy is much more reliable than before, sir, not to mention that the panels themselves are more efficient and dropping in cost.” 

Customer: “Give me good old oil any day. That’s reliable!”

Me: “For the time being, sir, but it’s also a pollutant and major contributor to climate change, so it’s a good thing we’re trying to eliminate its usage in the long term.”

Customer: “Bah! All that climate change is a bunch of lies — just scientists wanting everyone to go woke.”

Me: “Sir, climate change is very much a real thing, and you’re standing inside a museum containing evidence to back that up.”

Customer: “Well, I’m allowed to have an opinion, aren’t I?”

Me: “That’s not an opinion, sir; that’s science.”

Customer: “Well, I just don’t believe in it.”

Me: “That’s fine, sir.”

Customer: “You’re being very rude!”

Me: “Sir, you’re insulting science inside a science museum.”

He storms off, dragging his children with him.

Customer: “We’re going! I knew they would ruin all this moon-landing stuff with science!”

Sadly, this guy is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to people refusing to believe in science, but at least you can laugh instead of cry with these 10 Hilarious Stories Of Customers Who Don’t Understand Science!

My workplace was ordering all the staff uniform hoodies since we previously only had T-shirts. I was first informed by my manager.

Manager: “The hoodies come in either black or gray. Which would you like?”

Me: “I’ll take black, please.”

A few days later, someone from a different department found me and handed me a clipboard, telling me to fill out the size and color of hoodie I would like. I again noted that I would like black.

A few days after that, I got an email from someone else saying they were about to order the hoodies but needed to know what color I preferred. Once again, I told them I would like a black hoodie.

Fortunately, that was the end of it.

A couple of weeks later, the hoodies finally arrived. Mine was gray.