True Love Defeats All Obstacles… Except For Ex-Bosses

, , , , , , , | Friendly | January 21, 2019

(I used to work at a historic museum giving tours of the dungeon. I left to pursue a full-time job in my home state, but a few months ago I returned to the city to visit friends and had this conversation with a former coworker. It should also be noted that I tend to have very low self-esteem and have terrible luck in the dating department.)

Coworker: “Oh, by the way, we were going through the comment cards on the dungeon tours, and apparently, a lot of people liked you!”

Me: “Oh, good! I really enjoyed giving the tours.”

Coworker: “Yeah, apparently, you got a bunch of phone numbers, too.”

Me: “Wait. What?”

Coworker: “Yeah, I guess a lot of people thought you were cute and wanted to give you their number.”

Me: “Did you save the comment cards?”

Coworker: “No, [Boss] threw them away.”

Me: “[Coworker]! This could have been my only chance at true love! My soulmate could have been in those cards, and you threw them away!

Coworker: “Hey, don’t blame me! It was [Boss]!”

(The boss’s wife, who lives above the museum, comes in with their toddler.)

Boss’s Wife: “Hey, [My Name]! Long time no see!”


Boss’s Wife: “We missed you, too.”

A Customer For The Archives

, , , | Right | December 10, 2018

(I work in a museum in the UK.)

Caller: “Hello. I’m conducting some family history research and I need information about [Person] buried in [Village].”

Me: “Unfortunately, our archivist is out of the office at the moment.”

Caller: “Well, that’s typical! These people get paid so much that they’re always on holiday!”

Me: “She’s actually meeting with a local history group, but she’ll be back shortly, so I’ll take a few details and ask her to call you when she returns.”

Caller: “Why can’t you get me the information? All you do all day is sit in an office answering the phone. You should get out more.”

Me: “The archivist is really the best person for this enquiry. I’ll just take some details.”

(The caller goes on for a bit about the information he wants, and I take notes. Then, suddenly, this happens:)

Caller: “I used to be an engineer, you know. I travelled the world. You people have no ambition or life experience. You think the world is the Internet. That’s all you know.”

Me: *ignoring his outburst* “So, I’ll pass on the information you’ve given me to our archivist.”

Caller: “You people don’t know what the real world is. You just sit in front of the Internet while our NHS gets exploited by foreigners. You need to do something with your life. I bet you’ve never even been abroad. Get some experience. Then you’ll realise why intelligent people like me voted for Brexit!”

(Despite having British parents and an “English” accent, I grew up “abroad.” However, given his views on “foreigners,” I decide not to mention this.)

Caller: “Nowhere else has a nationalised health service. You didn’t know that! We’re the only country that does. Everywhere else they have to have insurance and pay a fortune. That’s why they all want to come here.”

Me: *forcing myself not to correct him* “I think I’ve got everything I need to process your enquiry, so unless there’s any more family history information you’d like, you can leave this with me.”

Caller: “My family is related to [Famous Company]. You wouldn’t have heard of them, because if it’s not on the Internet, you don’t know about it.”

Me: “Right…”

Caller: “You should really educate yourself more. Do something with your life.”

Me: “Okay, well, right now, I’m going to take your enquiry to our archives department. Good day.”

(I hang up the phone, rest my head on the desk, and scream. The archivist pops her head round the door.)

Archivist: “I’m back! Oh, my… What happened while I was out?”

Me: “This guy would like you to call him back. Have fun!”

A Scary Lack Of Mummies

, , , | Right | December 8, 2018

(I work in an American art museum that is known for its stained glass pieces from a renowned artist. When people arrive, we suggest they start out in the video room so they can watch the introductory films. A middle-aged woman enters and pays for one admission into the museum.)

Visitor: “Where are the mummies?”

Me: *caught off guard by this* “We don’t have any mummies here; we are an art museum.”

(I motion towards the adjacent gallery and the large painting across from the desk.)

Visitor: *skeptical* “No, I know you have them here; I saw it on TV.”

Me: “Perhaps you are looking for the science center?”

(I check to see if she would like her ticket refunded, in case she would like to head over to the science center, instead, but she wants to stay.)

Me: “In the room behind you, you can watch our introduction videos to learn more about the collection.”

Visitor: *hesitates for a moment, then her eyes widen and she leans in closer to me, and in a sudden hushed and anxious voice* “Are they [the movies] scary?!”

Me: “Uh? No…”

It’s A Sign Of The Times When You Can’t Tell The Time

, , , , , | Right | November 14, 2018

(It is the end of the day and all of the visitors are gone, closing procedures completed, and lights off. My coworker and I exit the museum. There is a woman outside on the museum doorstep trying to come in.)

Coworker: “Hi. Can we help you?”

Woman: “Yeah, are you open?”

Coworker: “Unfortunately, we’re not. We closed about twenty minutes ago.”

Woman: “Well, then, why isn’t the door locked?”

Coworker: “It is locked. We only just unlocked it to leave the building.”

(He gestures to the sign with our hours just outside the front door.)

Coworker: “You’ll see on our sign that we close at five.”

Woman: *angrily* “WELL, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!”

(As she walked away, my coworker turned to me and said, “And that’s our fault?”)

Unfiltered Story #124983

, , , | Unfiltered | November 12, 2018

(My family and I go to Chicago for sightseeing, which includes going to the museums. We had done one of the add on exhibits before going to the rest, so I had a sticker from it on my chest. We went to the chick hatching exhibit, and I had heard some workers talking about them earlier, so I choose to share the information.

Me: Apparently, the incubation period is 21 days, it’s cool to be here on a day they’re actually hatching.

Just then a woman who was with her two young sons speaks up, not looking from the eggs.

Woman: Were these eggs laid locally?

Me: I’m sorry, I don’t know.

Woman: *finally looking up* Oh, haha, you sounded like you worked here, and I thought you had a badge on. Sorry. You folks have a good day.

She and her boys left quickly, out of what I can only assume was embarrassment. I thought it was funny though, at least someone liked my fun facts.