The Age Of Innocence

| WA, USA | Uncategorized

(The museum I work at has five price brackets: Senior (65+), Adult (16-64), Youth (age 6-15), and Child (age 3-5), with under 3 being free admission. These are listed on the sign above the cashier’s heads at the admission desk, but it’s confusing enough that to save time I usually just ask guests for the ages of their kids instead of listing them all. The following happens about once a day.)

Me: “Okay, so that’s one adult for general admission, and how old is the kiddo?”

Guest: “She’s—” *stops and peers at price list* “Uh… five.”

Daughter: *looking outraged* “NO! Mommy, I’m SIX and a HALF.”

Guest: *refuses to meet my eyes* “Oh, sorry, honey. Right. She’s six.”

Daughter: “—and a HALF!”

Me: “Great! So one adult and a youth will be [amount]!” *smiles sweetly*

A Towering Pile Of Stupid Questions

| USA | Tourists/Travel

(I cashier at a museum that is very near our city’s most well-known tourist attraction, a very famous retro-futuristic tower. Despite the fact that it is 600 feet tall, distinctively shaped, internationally recognizable, and not physically connected to the museum in any way, we have conversations like this on a regular basis:)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Museum]. What can I do for you?”

Tourist: “Is this the [Tower]?”

Me: “No, sorry, this is [Museum]. The [Tower] is a little farther down that way.”

*gestures towards unmistakable 600-foot-tall tower*

Tourist: *peers around in confusion without looking upwards* “But where do you buy the tickets for the [Tower]?”

Me: “You can buy those at the [Tower]; they’ve got a ticket booth right at the base.”

Tourist: “Okay. So, can I make a reservation for [Restaurant on top of Tower]?”

Me: *at this point, struggling to keep a straight face* “They can do that over at the [Tower] as well! It’s just down there.” *points AGAIN at the enormous tower visible from my register*

Tourist: “Thank you!” *wanders off in a different direction*

Coworker: “Was that another ‘where’s the [Tower]?’ question?”

Me: “HOW do they not SEE IT?!”

Jurassic Park Doesn’t Live Up To Expectation

| China | History, Pets & Animals

(I work in a museum of paleontology at an information desk. The word in Chinese for paleontology literally means “ancient animals study,” so there should be no mistaking what it is. I am chatting with my coworker when a visitor starts looking around, very confused.)

Coworker: “Can I help you?”

Visitor: “Yeah, where are the living animals?”

Coworker: “Excuse me?”

Visitor: “Where are the living animals? These are all dead.”

Coworker: “Uh… at the zoo?”

John Carpenter’s: Hamlet

, | Stratford-Upon-Avon, England, UK | Books & Reading, Funny Names

(I work in the gift shop at one of Shakespeare’s houses, and we get a lot of silly questions.)

Customer: “Does The Merchant of Venice have another name?”

Me: “It was occasionally called The Jew of Venice a long time ago but nobody calls it that now for obvious reasons.”

Customer: “Well, in the museum there was a list of all the plays and I couldn’t find it on there. Does it have another name? Like a subtitle?”

Me: “Um… no, I’m afraid not. It must have been on there somewhere.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I thought it might have another name – you know, like how Hamlet gets called Hamlet, Prince of Darkness?”

Me: “You mean, Prince of Denmark?”

Customer: *blank look*

Third Floor Time Lucky

| China | Language & Words

(I work at the information desk on the second floor of a museum of paleontology. It should be noted that while I am a foreigner, I speak decent Chinese and have been told that I speak very clearly.)

Visitor: “Hello! Is there anything on the third floor?”

Me: “The third floor is mammals.”

Visitor: “But is there anything on the third floor?”

Me: “Yes, it has mammals.”

Visitor: “But does the third floor have anything?”

Me: “Yes.”

Visitor: “Okay!” *walks upstairs*

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