Do You Wanna Build Biomedical Technology?

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV

(I work at a science museum. One of the exhibits has paper for visitors to write on, asking what they would like to know about biomedical technology. Since much of our visitors are children on field trips, not all the comments are related to medicine. My coworkers take delight in collecting the funniest ones. One day, my coworker comes in with a stack from the exhibit. After showing people, she hangs it in her cubicle. Curious, I look at it.)

Paper: *in the tell-tale scrawl of a five-year-old* “Hi, I’m Olaf and I like warm hugs. – [Child’s Name].”

(The child even drew a snowman!)

| Unfiltered

Our local museum has just introduced a new exhibit about the evolution of humans. A volunteer is showing my kids the difference in skulls of a modern human, a chimpanzee and “Lucy” (a fossil from Africa). He also has a map, showing the different branches of primates.
Lady Passing By: I just don’t get that.

Volunteer: I’d be happy to help explain, ma’am. What can I help you with?

Lady: The monkeys. Why do people keep saying we came from monkeys? We don’t look anything LIKE monkeys!

My son: Look at the chimpanzee skull! It looks a lot like ours!

Volunteer: Well, actually, most scientists think we had a common ancestor –

Lady: But we look NOTHING like them!

Volunteer: Species do change over time – Lady – NOTHING LIKE MONKEYS! NOTHING!

The lady storms off, shaking her head.

Me – Does that happen often?

Volunteer – Every. Single. Day. I can’t wait until this exhibit is over.

The Ticket To Kicking Her Out

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Time, Tourists/Travel

(I’m standing in line at the 9/11 memorial in New York, waiting to go in for the 2 pm viewing. As you can imagine, it’s very crowded. Each ticket is booked for a specific time to prevent overcrowding and to keep numbers at safe levels. It’s currently 1:30 pm; I’ve gotten in line early as I expected there would be a lot of people – which there is. There is an employee standing near the entrance to the lines directing people where they should stand. All of a sudden a woman pushes in front of me…)

Woman: *shouting* “I HAVE A 1 pm TICKET! YOU HAVE TO LET ME IN NOW!”

Employee: “I apologize, but you will need to go to the back of the line. You will still be able to get in with that ticket but I cannot allow you to push in front of the other patrons.”

Woman: “No. I should be let in first. I bought an earlier ticket then they did.”

Employee: *sigh* “Can I have a look at your ticket, please?”

Woman: *triumphantly thrusting a piece of paper in his face* “Here!”

Employee: *looking at piece of paper a little bigger than a credit card with ‘reference’ and numbers scrawled after it* “Ma’am, this isn’t a ticket… I can’t let you into the museum with this. You will need to go to the ticket window so they can print it for you, the line is just over there to your left.”

Woman: *now irate* “WHAT? You expect me to stand in a line? Look up my reference number and let me in NOW!”

Employee: “I have no facilities to do that with. The only people that can help you with that are in the ticket office. You need to—”

Woman: *now screaming* “NO! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO STAND IN LINES! THAT’S WHY I BOOKED AN EARLY TICKET AND CAME LATE! I’M SMARTER THAN THEM!” *gesturing to other people in line*

(A HUGE security guard appears, and speaks to the employee:)

Security Guard: “Is there anything wrong here? I can escort her off the premises if you need.”

Woman: *sizing up security guard* “Oh… the ticket line is over here, you say?”

His Guilt Is Like An Open Book

, | Washington, DC, USA | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading

(I work in a museum bookstore where we sell a lot of expensive, hardcover art books. A customer brings up an unwrapped exhibition catalog and shows me his receipt and the damage to the top edge of the pages.)

Customer: “Can I exchange this for another?”

(I look at the damage. It’s not bad, but when a customer pays eighty dollars for a book they want it to be perfect.)

Me: “Certainly. There are others right here.”

(I pick one up from the stack and glance at the edges before I hand it to him. They’re perfect.)

Customer: “Thanks. I’d just like to check the new one before I leave the store.”

Me: “Let me unwrap that for you—”

(I hold my hand out to take the new book back and do it for him, but it’s too late. The gentleman has very helpfully whipped out his credit card and used the edge to slit the shrink wrap like a paper knife. He did so very vigorously. So vigorously that the credit card tore into and through the page edges, damaging the pages in a different spot from, but identical to, the way the pages on the original book were damaged.)

Me: “That wasn’t like that when I handed it to you. Did you open the first one that way?”

Customer: *sheepish look spreads over his face*

Me: “Would you like to keep the first book you damaged or the second one?”

Customer: “The… second one.”

(I hand it to him, and he slinks off. For all I know he went to another shop to exchange the second book for another new one…but I bet he didn’t tear into it with his credit card like that again.)

Tobaccosaurus

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Family & Kids, History, Pets & Animals, Religion

(I work as an educator in a science museum in St. Louis. One of the activities in my section of the museum involved putting together the cast of a Dromaeosaurus skeleton.)

Eight-Year-Old Boy: “I know why this dinosaur died.”

Me: “You do?”

Eight-Year-Old Boy: “He was a smoker.”

(Later that day, a middle school group is passing by…)

Seventh-Grade Girl: *addressing her peers* “This dinosaur died because he didn’t believe in Jesus.”

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