They’ll Put You On The Right Track

, , , , , | Right | May 2, 2021

I’m traveling without my parents for the first time. I’m in the Munich train station trying to get to Berlin. I have a train booked and am waiting at the platform. I hear an announcement in German (I only speak English) but don’t think anything of it.

Five minutes after my train was meant to arrive, I start to get suspicious, so I check out the live platform information TVs and find that my train has been moved to another platform and has since departed. I am tired and near tears as I don’t know what to do!

I find my way to the information desk where several other tourists and I are shunted from person to person. The first window we line up at is closing as the operator is due for a break, so he sends us to another window, but they can’t help at all with any inquiries at the time so they send us back to the original window. After quite a few minutes of confusion, we’re finally sent to a window that can help us.

When it’s my turn, I’m still holding back tears and barely manage to explain to the lady what has happened without breaking down. She must deal with hundreds of tourists in her country who don’t speak her language, but she speaks perfect English.

She takes so much pity on me and gives me a ticket for a new train, free of charge, even with the first-class seat I paid for originally! She then very kindly points out the platform I am meant to wait at and tells me when the train will be coming and what carriage I will be in. I am in Berlin only a few hours later than expected thanks to her kindness!

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Is Anyone Else Itchy?

, , , , , | Learning | November 9, 2020

During autumn, head lice spread easily between kids at school when they start to use bonnets. Therefore, their parents receive a letter informing them about the problem and telling them that it is strictly forbidden for kids with head lice infestations to come to school.

One teacher notices that a kid in sixth grade was infested. The kid is sent to the sick room and the secretary phones his mother.

Secretary: “Hello, this is [Secretary] from [School]. I am sorry to tell you that your kid has head lice and you must fetch him immediately.”

Mother: “I know, but I can not come. I sent him to you so I can disinfect my home. You will have to wait until I am finished!”

This mother didn’t come to school to take her kid for more than two hours. The headteacher tried to give her a telling off, but there was no sign of guilt from the mother.

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Cycling Through The Law

, , , , | Legal | November 18, 2019

(I’m stopping my bicycle at a red light. This is the lawful procedure here, of course, though I’m aware that many cyclists think it somehow doesn’t apply to them. Another cyclist stops next to me; it’s nice to see someone do it right. It looks like a student on her way home from uni. Then, a third cyclist wobbles around us, through the red light, and across the intersection. Luckily, the crossing traffic is also slow and it’s only a bit awkward when a car has to stop because of this, not really dangerous.)

Girl: *on the bike next to me* “Oh, look, that’s my law professor!”

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Technician Needs To Find A New Calling

, , , , | Working | March 7, 2019

(We recently got a new phone system installed. Naturally, we had some starting problems. Day two, my phone suddenly stops working. It’s still able to make calls, but I can’t hear anything and the person I call can’t hear me, either. I go to the IT guys and ask for help.)

Tech: “Go back to your desk. I will call you to figure it out.”

(Took him some time to figure out why I was laughing.)

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Please Give Me The Details That Allow Me To Completely Make You Redundant

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2019

(I’m working for a company acting as the middleman for event organizers, selling gift vouchers for different events. Part of our policy is that customers get contact details for our event organizers after purchasing their vouchers, for obvious reasons. At least that’s what I thought…)

Customer: “Hello. I found [event] on your website and would like to know the organizer’s exact address and phone number.”

Me: “Sure thing, ma’am. To receive the organizer’s details, all you have to do is redeem your voucher via our website, which I can gladly walk you through.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have any vouchers. I just want to know the contact details.”

Me: “I see, but unfortunately, access to contact details is only granted if you already own a voucher.”

Customer: “Well, this is not exactly great service, you know?”

Me: “Please understand that we can not just give out contact details without redeeming a voucher.”

Customer: “Why’s that?”

Me: “See, we are the middleman. There’s no need to buy from us if we simply display our organizer’s details, because then you could just buy from the organizer himself, which would make us go out of business.”

Customer: “Oh. Yes, I see. So, can you give me the contact details so I can directly buy from the organizer?”

Me: “…”

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