May Contain Scenes Of Gratuitous Bowie

, , | Right | April 13, 2009

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for this movie for my daughter: Pan’s Labyrinth. I heard it was very good.”

Me: “Yes, it was very good.”

Customer: “Do you think the girls would like it?”

Me: “I don’t know; how old are they?”

Customer: “Nine.”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, Pan’s Labyrinth isn’t really a kids movie. It’s about the Spanish Civil War.”

Customer: “The what?”

Me: “The Spanish Civil War. General Franco. There’s a scene where a man gets his face beaten in.”

Customer: “But in the previews it looks like a kid’s movie, like that other movie with puppets.”

Me: “Do you mean Labyrinth?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “That may be a better choice. Trust me.”

Customer: *leaves*

Coworker: “I don’t know if David Bowie’s giant crotch is really safe for kids either…”

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Chilly Reception

| Right | April 3, 2009

(I was working at the kiosk where we sell sweets and drinks when this transaction occurred with an old woman over the bottled water.)

Customer: “Is that water cold?”

Me: “Yes, it’s just out of the fridge.”

Customer: “I don’t see a fridge.”

(I gesture towards the fridge a few feet away from the kiosk.)

Customer: “Can’t I just have one out of there?”

Me: “Yeah, of course.”

(I fetch her one out of the fridge.)

Customer: “That doesn’t look too cold to me.”

Me: “…well, you can feel for yourself, if you like. It really is quite cold.”

Customer: “No. You do it.”

(I put my hand against the bottle and then pretend to flinch.)

Me: “You’re right, ma’am, it’s boiling hot. I’m very sorry about that.”

Customer: “I’ll just have a Coke then.”

Me: “…”

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When Men Were Men & Electronics Were Multi-Taskers

, , , | Right | March 20, 2009

(A mother and son are finishing up their purchase.)

Me: “Will that be all for you guys today?”

Customer: “Well… do you have meetings here with your staff? Like ones where everyone can talk?”

Me: “Sometimes…”

Customer: “I want you to tell them I don’t like these new TVs, the flat screens and the plasmas. I want the old TVs back. You should tell them that.”

Me: “The old TVs?”

Customer: “I remember when TVs were like furniture. You could use them to put a plant on, or a lamp, and they were square and wood-paneled. TVs were better then.”

Son: “Mom, I like the new plasma and LCD TVs. They’re really cool!”

Customer: “No! They aren’t! You don’t know what you’re talking about!” *to me* “Now, young lady, you should tell them that for me! Tell them I want furniture back! And I’m not the only one!”

(She then proceeded to walk around the store, going off about technology, and how the old stuff was better. Her poor son was embarrassed the whole time.)

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Getting Your Priorities Straight, Part 2

, , , | Right | March 17, 2009

(A customer comes in with four very young kids.)

Customer: “Does [R-rated Police Drama] have any nudity in it?”

Me: “No, but it’s incredibly violent.”

Customer: “…but there’s no sex or nudity, right?”

Me: “No, it’s just really violent and bloody.”

Customer: “I’ll have one adult and four kids, please!”

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Bad Parenting: Seeing Is Believing

, , , , | Right | March 10, 2009

(I was working the box office when a woman with two young children came up to the window.)

Customer: “One adult and two children for ‘Scary Movie.'”

Me: “Ma’am, I should warn you – this movie really isn’t appropriate for little children. May I suggest another film?”

Customer: “What? Come on, it’s a comedy! It’ll be fine!”

Me: “It’s rated ‘R’. It’s pretty much nothing but sex, nudity, and violence. It’s really not for kids.”

Customer: “I’ll decide what is and isn’t appropriate for my kids to watch! Now sell me the tickets!”

(I sell her the tickets. Five minutes into the movie, the woman comes storming back out with her kids in tow.)

Customer: “You didn’t tell me it was THAT bad!”

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