Coming To A Theater Near You: Gangsta Ushers

| Right | February 18, 2008

(It is a known fact that when you go into our movie theater, you cannot have extra bags or cups, because that is how the theater makes their money. You can bring empty cups with you, but we cannot provide you with them. One night, a guy is not having it.)

Me: “Nope, I’m sorry. I can’t give you an extra bag.”

Customer: “Why the hell not?””

Me: “Because each bag is accounted for through our inventory, and if I give you one, it will be messed up.”

Customer: “Then how am I supposed to share with my son?”

Me: “Pay the 35 cents more and upgrade.”

(I finish giving him his order, and then turn around to clean up some of the mess. The customer suddenly reaches behind the counter, grabs another bag and takes off.)

Me: “Oh, H*** no!” *chases customer down with a team of gangsta ushers*

(We surround the customer, as all the ushers have their arms folded and are staring him down.)

Usher 1: “You gonna give her that bag back?”

Customer: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS!”

Usher 2: “Then don’t come here if you can’t follow our rules.”

*security guards escort him out*

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Those Heathens And Their Time-Telling Ways

, , , , | Right | January 17, 2008

Customer: “What time does the film start?”

Me: “The film starts fifteen minutes after the time on your ticket. There are fifteen minutes of ads and trailers.”

Customer: “No, I said what time does the F-I-L-M start?!”

Me: “The film starts after fifteen minutes of trailers, so fifteen minutes after whatever it says on the ticket. Your ticket says 3:30 pm, so the film would start at 3:45. Okay?”

Customer: “Don’t blind me with science!”

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More Slippage

| Right | January 3, 2008

(I was working another very long day right after March of the Penguins had come out , stuck in the box office, when a sweet looking little old lady and her sweet little old lady friend walked up to the window.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Old lady: “Hello sweetie. I’d like one senior for March of the Penises.”

Little old lady friend: “Oh my God…” *shocked, puts hand up to mouth, whispers to friend*

Me: “I think you might have the wrong theater…”

 

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Family Values

| Right | January 2, 2008

(A customer hands me the tickets to the horror/torture movie, Hostel 2.)

Employee: “I’m sorry sir, but this movie is R-rated and I’m afraid I can’t let your child in.”

Customer, agitated: “Can’t you just let us in?”

Employee: “I’m sorry sir, but I’d lose my job if I did that. I CAN help you find another movie.”

(The customer then throws his $6 tub of popcorn in my face and all over the podium and walks off with his family. There’s good family values…)

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TMI (Too Much Information)

, , , | Right | November 29, 2007

(I am working on the customer service desk and answer a call from a customer inquiring about a special order they had placed.)

Customer: “Yes, my name is [Customer]. The name of the DVD is Spring Break.”

(I put the customer’s details into the computer, and the search results say the full name of the DVD is “Spring Break Sex Riot” which also has an…. explicit cover on it. I assume that there must have been a mistake and the wrong title was ordered.)

Me: “Um… I think I found your order here on the system, but it hasn’t arrived in the store yet. I think there might be a mistake here. Could you give me some more details about the film?”

Customer: “Ah, man, you’re missing out! You have to see it! It’s about all these hot chicks who go on spring break and have lots of sex! It’s excellent!”

Me: *glad I have never been this desperate*

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