(Our store does basic restoration services.)

Customer: “I have these photos of a masquerade ball.” *holds up photos with people with full masks on* “I need you to Photoshop the masks off.”

Me: “Unfortunately, sir, it is impossible for me to remove a mask of the person.”

Customer: “But I need to know who they are!”

Me: “If you have a different photo of the peoples faces, I can photoshop their face on, but it is impossible to remove a mask on a still photograph.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. If CSI can do it why can’t you?”

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(I have just watched “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” with my boyfriend. It is his first time and he loves it.)

Me: “Oh, wow! We started watching this movie at 12:30 am, and the movie is over, but it’s only 1:00 am! What the…?”

Boyfriend: *laughing and dancing around* “Let’s Do The Time Warp Again!”

Me: *singing along* “It’s just a jump to the left!”

(It was a time change due to daylight savings, and we had gained an hour. I had completely forgotten, but well played, Honey!)

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(I’m surfing the net while my mom is watching TV. I glance at the TV and see what looks like a low-budget horror movie.)

Me: “What’s this?”

Mom: “I don’t know; it’s a zombie movie.”

Me: “Yeah, I see that. What is it, though?”

Mom: “I don’t know. It’s Rise of the Dead or The Walking Dead.”

Me: “BLASPHEMY! I don’t know what this is, but it’s not The Walking Dead!”

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(I am in world religions class. Our professor is explaining how one religion relates spirituality to the Earth, and decides to use an example she figures most of us will know.)

Professor: “You know how in The Lion King, when Scar takes over, everything becomes dry and barren and there’s no more food? And then when Simba comes back, it starts to rain and everything grows again? It’s sort of like that. Evil brings evil, and good brings good.”

Student #1: “Huh, I always just thought The Lion King was trying to be Hamlet.”

Student #2: “How is it like Hamlet?”

Me: “Well, it centers around a prince, his father is killed, he finds out it was his uncle who did it, and then he goes back to avenge his father.”

Student #2: “That’s not Hamlet. That’s nothing like Hamlet!”

(An older customer walks in very quickly and glares at me.)

Me: “Good morning!”

Customer: “What does ‘winter is coming’ mean?!”

(The customer is referring to our ‘Game Of Thrones’ themed red wine window.)

Me: “Oh! It’s the tagline, sort of, to a very popular series of books and TV show.”

Customer: “Well, you should be shot in the head with a small derringer. It should read, ‘autumn is here; winter is near.'”

Me: “Well, it’s a pop culture reference and has been very successful for us. I’m not sure what your intention is, coming in here and telling me I should be shot.”

Customer: “WELL, DO YOU ONLY SELL WINE TO TRENDY PEOPLE?! I OWN AN ADVERTISING AGENCY! I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU!” *storms out*

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