Politicians Are The Best Actors Of All

, , , , , | Friendly | December 30, 2019

My dad had a role as an extra for a TV show about the goings-on in the backrooms of parliament.

He was playing a driver for one government minister, and they were filming in and around Parliament House.

Waiting outside the main entrance, dressed the part, and in an official-looking vehicle, my dad waited for the scene to start shooting.

It turns out the delay was the current leader of the opposition coming out of parliament.  

Seeing the car my dad was in, he climbed in the back and directed my dad to take him to the hotel bar where the party members were known to stay when parliament was sitting.

The leader’s staffers and production staff for the TV show all bustled around, trying to get the leader out of the back of the car.

My dad let him know about the filming but told me that he was very tempted to take off and see how far he could get before the police tracked him down.

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The Trilogy Was Completed With “Alluring Arms”  

, , , , | Right | December 29, 2019

(I work in a video rental store in 2001. A lady comes to counter with a friend.)

Customer: “Do you have A Beautiful Mind?”

Me: *attempting humour* “Oh, yes. And I have lovely legs, too.”

Customer: “Oh! Have they made a sequel?”

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In A Sliding Doors Universe, Gwyneth Was In “Friends”

, , | Right | December 27, 2019

(It is summer 2002, and I’m working at a video rental store.)

Customer: “Do you have that new movie with the girl from Friends?”

Me: “The girl from Friends? Jennifer Aniston has a movie coming out in theatres soon, but we don’t have that on video yet.”

Coworker: “I don’t know that Courtney Cox has been in anything since Scream…”

Customer: “No, the blonde one. Her new movie.”

Me: “Well, she was in that movie with Christina Ricci a while back, but nothing recently.”

(We think for a few minutes; we don’t have Internet to look such things up.)

Me: “Do you mean Shallow Hal? With Gwyneth Paltrow?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it! See, the blonde girl from Friends!”

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Go Out Like A Jedi, Not A Muppet!

, , , , , | Related | December 21, 2019

(My fiancé and I are watching “The Muppet Christmas Carol.” It is my first time watching it, while his family has a tradition of watching it every year. We reach the point where the Ghost of Christmas Present begins to disappear.)

Me: “Why couldn’t they have just done a fade-out, instead of a fade-out with cliché colored sparkles?”

Fiancé: “What, you don’t think cliché colored sparkles are normal?”

Fiancé’s Mother: *working nearby* “You don’t think most people fade out in cliché colored sparkles?”

Me: *facepalming slightly* “When I go, whether or not I fade out, I guarantee you that it will not be in a cloud of cliché colored sparkles.”

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Even Crazier That He Is Jack The Ripper

, , , , , | Friendly | December 18, 2019

(My friend and I like watching classic movies. This time we’re watching “12 Angry Men.” There’s a scene where Juror #2 has a monologue. He’s a tiny, meek, bald guy with glasses and a distinctly high, squeaky voice.)

Me: “Do you recognize that voice?”

Friend: “Uh… no?”

Me: “Well, you should. That’s Piglet from Winnie the Pooh.

(I then watch in amusement as it takes a couple of seconds for the voice to register in his head, and then his eyes bug out and his jaw drops.)

Friend: “Oh… my… God!”

Me: *laughing* “Yeah, have fun trying not to think about that every time he speaks now.”

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