You’ll Find It Next To Gilligan’s Island

, , , , , | Right | July 19, 2019

(I work in a visitor center in an area known for its high Gullah population. Gullah people are the descendants of African slaves who developed their own unique culture, language, and religion in the American low-country. For some reason, we get a lot of visitors who think that they live on some kind of reservation like zoo exhibits, and it is surprisingly difficult to convince them that Gullah are regular people who live like everyone else. This call, however, really makes me question my faith in humanity.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “I want to go to Gullah Gullah Island.”

Me: “I’m sorry; did you say Gullah Gullah Island?”

Caller: “Yes. I heard it was in South Carolina and I want to go there.”

Me: “Sir, as far as I know, that’s just a TV show.”

Caller: “No, I was told it was in South Carolina.”

(While he’s talking, I’m looking it up to see if it is a real place.)

Me: “It looks like the TV show was based on Saint Helena Island, which is a gorgeous island with lots of Gullah history—”

Caller: “No, I want to go to Gullah Gullah Island to see the Gullah people.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what else to tell you. Gullah Gullah Island itself is not a real place. It is based on a real island, which is a lovely place to visit, but it is not called Gullah Gullah Island.”

Caller: “You’re useless. I’m going to talk to someone who actually knows what they’re doing.”

(I hope he enjoys his visit to the non-existent Gullah Gullah Island!)

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Getting Twilights In Your Hair

, , , , | Right | July 13, 2019

(I am a female with very short hair. I get many remarks on it, but this one takes the cake for me. It is around the Twilight movies boom.)

Customer: *placing her items on the counter, glances at my hair and dramatically rolls her eyes at me* “Wow.”

Me: *used to having people tell me short hair on women isn’t flattering, nonetheless smiles* “Is there something wrong, ma’am?”

Customer: “Your hair.”

Me: “Yes, it is short, but I like it better this wa—“

Customer: “I’m so d*** sick of all you little teenagers and your d*** Twilight movies! You stupid b****es are all f****** crazy, and it’s all anyone sees on TV; it’s all, ‘Edward this,’ and, ‘Edward that,’ and now you went so far as to take that f****** sparkly vampire’s hairstyle! What the f*** is wrong with you?!”

Me: *takes a breath before replying* “Ma’am, I am sorry, but I am in my twenties, not a ‘crazy teenage girl,’ and I have no interest in Twilight. I cut my hair to donate it for children with cancer; my fiancé is a cancer survivor, and it’s the least I can do for them. Now, will you be paying with cash or credit today?”

Customer: *mumbles something before handing over her cash, then bolting out the door with her head down*

(I never saw her again.)

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Stranger Things Have Happened

, , , , | Romantic | July 4, 2019

(I’m sitting In my room, watching a popular TV show that had a third season come out of July 4th. Just as things start falling off walls and flying around in the show, a photo flies of my wall and falls to the floor making a huge noise.)

My Boyfriend: “Will?!”

Me: “If that light starts flickering, I’m sleeping at your place tonight…”

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Why Don’t You (Law &) Order The New CSI-NCIS-H50 Computer?!

, , , , | Right | July 3, 2019

Customer: “Do you have any of the computers that they use on NCIS?”

(I don’t watch “NCIS.”)

Me: “What brand do they use?”

Customer: “Dunno. They’re the kind you can throw images from a table to a wall and hack stuff with, though.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m pretty sure those are fake.”

Customer: “No, I’ve seen them on other shows, like CSI and NCIS: LA!

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Brad Pitt Would Be Ashamed

, , , , , | Related | June 19, 2019

(My husband and I have a ten-year-old son and a six-year-old daughter. Our daughter is at the age where she is borderline-obsessed with Barbies, and our son loves to tease her. I come home one Saturday afternoon to find my husband fuming and see that our daughter has been crying. My husband announces that our son will be in his room for the rest of the day, and possibly “the rest of his life.” Confused, I ask what happened.)

Husband: “Last night when we were in bed, [Son] sneaked downstairs and watched Seven.

Me: “It’s inappropriate for his age, but I’d cut him some slack. A lot of kids do that. I did it. You probably did it.”

Husband: “Oh, no, it gets worse. This morning he went into [Daughter]’s room while she was playing and gave her a box and told her it was for Ken.”

Me: “Oh, my God, don’t tell me…”

Husband: She thought he was playing and had ‘Ken’ open up the box…”

Me: “It was, of course…”

Husband: “Barbie’s head.”

Me: “Well, that’s not right at all!” *pause* “Ken’s not supposed to look inside the box. He should have had another doll open it. I’ll have a talk with him about respecting the classics.”

(My daughter and my husband both gave me the stink-eye for the rest of the day. I guess I deserved it, but I still think it was hilarious. I’m a rotten parent.)

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