I worked as an after-school care teacher at an elementary school. For Halloween, we had a little party for the kids with snacks and a movie. This film was the terrifying thriller “Spooky Buddies,” which all but two of the kids were mindlessly watching.

The two that weren’t were five-year-old twins who were mortified by the plight of the four Labrador puppies in Halloween costumes and came to me absolutely sobbing.

Kid: “Can you turn off the movie, please? It’s too scary!”

Me: “I’m sorry, all the other kids are enjoying it. How about we go to the other side of the cafeteria and play a board game, instead?”

Kid: “That won’t work!”

Me: “Why not?”

Kid: “BECAUSE I CAN’T LOOK AWAY!”

I ended up with one crying twin on each knee, terrified but adamantly refusing to not stare at the movie.

Blessedly, their mom came to pick them up not too long after.

It is Halloween, and the staff is dressed in scary(ish) costumes to celebrate the fun.

Customer: “What are you supposed to be?”

Me: “Oh, I’m a character from a popular anime out at the moment. It’s called Demon Slayer.”

Customer: *Narrows eyes* “Are you one of the good guys?”

Me: “Yes, I’m dressed as one of the good guys.”

Customer: “So, you slay the demons?”

Me: “…The character I am dressed up as does, yes.”

Customer: “Good, then I can buy from you. I couldn’t shop at my usual store because the checkout clerk there was dressed as a Ghostbuster.”

Me: “Aren’t they the good guys, as well?”

Customer: “No! They swear too much! Also, they might accidentally capture the Holy Ghost, and I just can’t risk it.”

She made absolutely zero indication that she was joking about any of this. Either she’s a fantastic deadpan comedian, or she was serious.

I was working at a theatre when “Meet The Fockers” came out.

Customer: “I have a complaint! This PG rating is misleading. How can the movie be a PG with this many eff-bombs?!”

Me: “Sir, the title is a play on a curse word.”

Customer: “This movie is totally inappropriate for my grandson! He’s only five!”

Next Customer In Line: “If you can’t figure that it’s inappropriate for your five-year-old grandson… that’s not their problem! Learn to read and get out of the way!”

My children were watching a movie at my parents’ house one weekend. It was for children, so any drama was tame. However, some scene in the movie frightened my youngest, who was four at the time. He rushed out of the room and to his grandmother.

Grandma: “Is it too scary?”

Son: “It’s five scary!”

A lot of couples come into the cinema to get some special sexy time, as they are young and can’t get their jiggy on at home. We can always tell as they are usually between seventeen and nineteen, they look nervous, and they ask which films are popular and then choose the ones that no one is watching.

One day, this couple comes in, and we go through the usual bit of, “Is this film any good?” They go see “Match Point”, a boring film about tennis. Twenty minutes later, they come back looking extremely angry, and they complain, demanding a refund.

Customers: “The screen is too busy!”