Serving Cruella DeVille

, , , | Right | June 21, 2017

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with, miss?”

Customer: “You don’t have much, do you? I can’t find anything!”

(I stare at the huge wall of DVDs. She pulls out a small notepad.)

Customer: “I was looking for 101 Dalmatians.”

(I pull it off the shelf.)

Customer: “And Captain America!”

(Again I pull it off the shelf.)

Customer: “And—”

Me: “Maybe this will go quicker if you give me the list?”

(She hands it over and I see close to 15 titles, most of which are within view.)

Me: “You didn’t look?”

Customer: *smiling* “No.”

Me: “You wanted someone else to find them for you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You could have just asked.”

Customer: *smile disappearing* “I don’t like your attitude.”

(She took the list and left the store, but not without complaining to my manager that I tried assaulting her. It’s a good thing he had full view of us the entire time, and was within ear shot.)

It’s Time To Borrow A New Excuse

, , , , | Right | June 21, 2017

(Our library policy is that you must either provide your library card or a form of photo ID to check out items or use a computer. A patron comes in, selects a few DVDs, and comes up to the front counter.)

Patron: “And I don’t have my library card or my ID, so just look me up by my last name.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re going to need either your library card or your photo ID to check out your items.”

Patron: “You know who I am! I’m in every day! Why can’t you just check me out?”

Me: “I’m sorry; it’s our policy.”

Patron: *points at a new coworker who has only been working a few weeks at this point* “Well, SHE checks me out all the time without my card! Isn’t that right?”

Coworker: *deer-in-headlights look* “Uh…”

Me: “I’m afraid it’s against our policy. Would you like me to hold your DVDs for you, and you can check them out the next time you come in with your card?”

Patron: *angrily throws the DVDs across the counter at me* “Never mind!” *storms out*

(The coworker was apologetic, saying she’d never seen this woman before and had no idea what she’s talking about. Sadly, this isn’t the first time someone has used the “but so-and-so lets me check out without a card” excuse, and it’s unlikely to be the last…)

Trying To Make A Clean Break

, , , , | Right | June 20, 2017

(I work at a movie theater as an usher and part of my job is cleaning after the movie is out. There are only three boys of around 10-13 years in one of the screens and we’re all already pretty suspicious, as all of them bought our jumbo buckets of popcorn.)

Coworker: “I bet they’re gonna throw the popcorn.”

Me: “Yep, definitely.”

(As we keep an eye on the monitors behind our tills, we see some popcorn flying.)

Me: “Knew it.”

(I rush to the screen, enter the room, and watch the boys throw their popcorn at the screen. As the movie finishes I stand in front of the closed door, two vacuums beside me.)

Me: *sweetly* “Well, since you’re having so much fun, would you mind helping me clean the mess you made?”

Boy #1: “Are you f****** insane?”

Boy #2: “Yeah. It’s your job to clean, b****!”

(The third boy keeps nodding and empties the rest of his bucket in front of my feet.)

Me: “Well… it is my job indeed. But you know, I was kind enough to watch you throw that popcorn for almost two hours, when I could have kicked you out immediately. So either you start cleaning now, or you will never ever step into our theater again. I don’t know you or your parents, but since I’ve seen you coming here pretty often, I think you would want to use our service again, am I right?”

Boy #1: “I’m gonna complain to your boss! I’ll get you fired! You are just too stupid to do your own job, b****!”

(They start vacuuming the whole screen. I let them do every row and follow them back out. They rush towards a woman who seems to be one of the boy’s mother.)

Boy #3: “She made us clean the entire screen! Get her fired now, Mom! She’s crazy! She made me f****** clean everything!”

Me: “Excuse me, miss. Those boys were alone and started throwing popcorn everywhere. I’m wondering if they ate anything out of their 21€ purchase. I made them vacuum everything since the theater was clean before and I do not clean after such rude customers if I see what’s happening.”

Boy #3: “See! This b**** made us do her f****** job!”

Mother: “Oh, really?” *looking at me* “Thank you. I guess they needed that. Boys, shut up or you’ll never go to the movies again!”

(This mother’s reaction really made my day and I saw her get back at the still-pissed boys outside of the cinema. Never felt so good to see a kid put back in its place.)

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When There’s Been A Murder, Who You Gonna Call?

, , , , , | Working | June 19, 2017

(I work in the fresh cut area in produce. We also make guacamole, which is one of our most popular items. My coworker is on her fourth batch of the day when the manager walks in and asks how it’s going.)

Coworker: “I have so much guac on my apron, it looks like I murdered Slimer!”

Genres Are For Weaklings

, , | | Right | June 15, 2017

Throwback ThursdaysTHROWBACK THURSDAY! Check out this awesome story that you may have missed! Have you ever met anyone that got their movies crossed up? Let us know in the comments!

 

Customer: “What movie just came out on video that’s like Lord of the Rings?”

Me: “I’m not sure, we haven’t gotten any big titles this week and definitely nothing that’s like Lord of the Rings…”

Customer: “Well, I saw a commercial that said, ‘Now available at your local *** Video’…and this is my local *** video.”

Me: “Hmmm, let me check with another manager.” (I call up to the office)

Me (to manager): “What came out this week besides Jeepers Creeper?”

Customer:JEEPERS CREEPERS! That’s it!”

Me: “We have that, but it’s nothing like Lord of the Rings.”

Customer: “Yeah it has monsters in it, it’s like Lord of the Rings.” *customer walks away*

Another employee: “You should tell him to rent The English Patient too. It has talking in it, so it’s like Lord of the Rings.”

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