Lenin, Inc.

| | Right | February 9, 2009

Customer: “You only have two showings of American Carol! That’s just plain un-American! You’re all d**ned communists.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but it wasn’t selling well so we had to split it with another movie.”

Customer: “No – it’s because you’re g**d**n commies.”

Me: “No, sir, that’s actually capitalism. We move the movies that don’t sell well to less show times so as to maximize profits.

Customer: “No, capitalism is American and no real American would move a movie down just because it wasn’t making money!”

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Chez Cinema

| | Right | February 9, 2009

(Note: we’re in a movie theater.)

Customer: “So, you guys got, like, showers here and everything?”

Me: “No, we don’t.”

Customer: *looking revolted* “Gross! So you guys just don’t wash?”

Me: “Well, not here, but when we’re at home, yes.”

Customer: “So you guys don’t have, like, rooms here or nothin’?”

Me: “No, sir, we don’t live at the movie theater.”

Customer: “THAT’S THE DUMBEST THING I EVER HEARD! *stomps off*

Me: “…”

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Culinary Confusion

| | Right | January 28, 2009

(I was working at the concessions stand taking someone’s order, when a man walks up and cuts in line.)

Customer: “Hey, why does this theater look so run down?”

Me: “Uh…well, it is kind of old, but as you can see from the sign we are renovating.”

Customer: “Oh. Can I get a popcorn then? Is it fresh?”

Me: “Sir, you just cut in line. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to get back in line if you want service.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

(He pauses, but doesn’t move from his place beside me at the counter. I finish my transaction and clear up the line, and he’s still standing there.)

Customer: “So…what’s up with those corn dogs?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Those corn dogs. What’s wrong with them?”

Me: *looking around, utterly confused* “Uh…the hot dogs? I don’t see anything wrong with them.”

Customer: “No, the corn dogs! They look awfully…green, don’t they?”

Me: *following his eyes* “Sir…I think you’re talking about the pickles.”

Customer: “Oh…that’s what they are? Could have fooled me.”

Me: “…”

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Better Safe Than Sorry

| | Right | January 20, 2009

(I am just finishing up a sale with an older gentleman for show tickets.)

Me: “Ok, just to let you know, there are no refunds or exchanges for these tickets, and the show does contain shooting, swearing, and smoking.”

Customer: “I hope not in my row!”

Me: *confused* “Well, it’s a show…you can see everything from every seat…so–”

Customer: “I’m talking about the shooting!”

Me: “Oh! Well, no…they shoot each other on-stage….”

Customer: “Not the audience?”

Me: “Not the audience. What kind of theater do you think we’re running here?!”

Customer: “I don’t know…I just don’t want to get shot.”

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As Long As You’re Happy

| | Right | January 16, 2009

Customer: “If I buy a popcorn, can I get a drink for $2?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry; everything is full price.”

Customer: “My man that I’m dating is such a cheapskate! He only gave me $5! He’s such an a**hole! *pause* “You need to find a rich one.”

Me: “Ha ha, yeah.”

Customer: *leans across the counter and lowers her voice* “A rich one…who’s good in bed.”

Me: “…”

Customer: *as an afterthought* “I guess he should have a good heart, too.”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

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