Disney: The Franchise Menace

, , , , , , | Right | September 2, 2019

(At work, I have a lot of Disney pins on my vest which get a lot of compliments from kids and adults. I am working a return for a customer when her daughter, about six years old, makes a comment.)

Girl: “You have a lot of pins.”

Me: “I do. Do you like them?”

Girl: “Yeah, you even have a Star Wars!

(I do not have any “Star Wars” pins on my vest and I think she saw my “Guardians of the Galaxy” pins as “Star Wars”.)

Me: “I don’t have any Star Wars.”

Girl: “Yes, you do: that big one right there!”

(Looking down, I see she means my Wall-E pin.)

Me: “That’s Wall-E; he’s a robot.”

Girl: “Yeah, that means he’s Star Wars!

Me: “I didn’t know he was Star Wars.”

Girl: “Yes, he is, because he’s a robot.”

(I finish up the woman’s transaction, and after they leave, I turn to my manager.)

Me: “Apparently, Wall-E is Star Wars.”

Manager: “Huh?”

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Quentin Tarantino Really Took Liberties With History On That Movie

, , , , , , | Working | August 26, 2019

(I work for a film locations company. I get a call from a stage director.)

Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”

Director: “Yeah, I’m looking for an old house.”

Me: “Okay! Can you give me a few more specifics? Do you mean run down, or from a certain decade?”

Director: “I need a first-century house.”

Me: “Sorry, did you say first century?”

Director: “Yeah.”

Me: “So, like… a cave?”

Director: “Ugh, no! Umm, okay, have you ever seen Inglourious Basterds?”

Me: “Yes.”

Director: “You know the old house from the opening scene?”

Me: “Yes.”

Director: “I need a house like that.”

Me: “Okay. Now that I have a sense of what you need, I’m sorry to say that we don’t have any properties in our database that look like that. Our houses are more residential.”

Director: “Ugh, seriously? Well, I guess I’ll have to look elsewhere.”

Me: “I’m so sorry we couldn’t help you today, but for your future reference, Inglourious Basterds takes place in Nazi-occupied France in the 1940s, so you’re looking for a house from the 20th century.”

Director: “Thanks.” *hangs up*

(The opening shot, with the house in the background, literally states the setting year is 1941.)

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Two Movies About A Time Warp

, , , , , , , | Friendly | August 25, 2019

It was Halloween and the local theatre was playing The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

My best friend and I dressed up. He went as Rocky and I decided to dress as Frank N Furter. We went all out.

When we arrived at the cinema, the usher told us that there was a half-hour wait before the screen would open to allow us inside. The film did not start for forty-five minutes.

My friend and I waited in the coffee shop past the ticket check with all of the other Rocky Horror fans, when I noticed that some people were going into the screen we had been directed to. I made a comment and my friend dragged us after the people so we could choose some good seats before they were taken.

We pushed open the doors — my friend in his golden hot pants and body glitter, me as a sweet transvestite — to a completely full theatre, waiting for the tail end of the season’s most popular action movie.

Rather than turn tail and run, my friend suddenly clapped and remarked that he hadn’t seen the film. He pulled me into a seat and I slowly sank deeper and deeper as we watched the last ten minutes of Looper.

So many people turned around in their seats to catch a glimpse of us in costume, and whispered to one another, that no one could hear the dialogue for the end of the film.

When the film ended, we stayed in our seats and watched Rocky Horror without an issue. When we got chatting to one of the ushers as we were leaving, they remarked that they had seen us slip into the theatre, but thought that the reactions we would get were too funny to bother stopping us.

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“Use The Force, Harry,” Said Gandalf

, , , , , , | Related | August 16, 2019

(My older brother decides we are going to watch a movie one afternoon, and my mom shouts down the hall to invite my younger brother.)

Mom: “We’re getting ready to watch a Star Trek movie, if you want to join.”

Younger Brother: “Which one?”

Me: *walking past his room* “The one where The Doctor takes the One Ring to the planet Hoth because Professor Xavier told him to.”

Younger Brother: “Which one is that? Can’t you give me the title, instead?”

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Worse Than A Bad Cop Is Bad Writing

, , , , | Related | August 9, 2019

(My grandfather is a retired cop. Sometimes I ask him how accurate police in TV shows are. Other times I’ll ask him what he thinks of real court cases. In this instance, I am asking about a show but forgets to specify.)

Me: “So, if two guys were fugitives, but they never switched their car — never even switched their license plates — why couldn’t the cops track them down in an instant? And their faces are everywhere; it’s not like they even grew a beard!”

Grandfather: “Well, you have to cut officers some slack. Many of us are overworked and underpaid, and there are a number of reasons why they wouldn’t be able to find these criminals.”

Me: *interrupting him before he gets too far* “Ah… Um, it was in a show.”

Grandfather: “The writers are idiots! There is no reason for those men to remain at large.”

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