A father brings his three young boys in to see “Deadpool”. He gets the obligatory warning that it is R-rated, but he waves us off with the now meme-able phrase:

Customer: “It’s a comic book movie. How bad can it be?”

Me: “Okay, sir, as long as you’re aware that because I have given you this warning, once I sell you these tickets, they are non-refundable.”

Customer: “Whatever, I am sure it’ll be fine.”

Of course, less than half an hour later, out he comes with his children.

Customer: “I need a refund!”

Me: “For what reason, sir?”

Customer: “That movie is pure filth! I demand a refund for you scarring my boys!”

The boys are giggling and talking about “boobies”, so they seem fine to me.

Me: “So, let me get this right. We warned you that this movie was R-rated and not suitable for children, and we explicitly said that we could not refund you after the tickets had been sold. Now you want a refund because the movie is not suitable for children?”

Customer: “Well, when you say it like that, you make it sound like I’m the idiot.”

Me: “Precisely, sir.”

He did not get his refund.

Related:
Rated R You Serious?, Part 4
Rated R You Serious?, Part 3
Rated R You Serious?, Part 2
Rated R You Serious?

This story is part of the Editors’-Favorite-Stories Of-2022 roundup!

Read the next Editors’-Favorite-Stories Of-2022 roundup story!

Read the Editors’-Favorite-Stories Of-2022 roundup!

When the remake of “The Manchurian Candidate” with Denzel Washington and Meryl Streep was in the theatres almost twenty years ago, my wife and I went to a showing. It was delayed by almost twenty minutes. An employee explained.

Employee: “Some idiot at the previous showing was screaming political diatribes at the screen throughout nearly the entire movie, and no matter how hard we tried, we literally couldn’t drag him out until the movie was over and everyone else had left. That’s why we had to delay your showing.”

I was working the door at a hockey game once. They usually had local celebrities or public figures come and drop the first puck. One of the local newscasters came in.

Newscaster: “I’m here to drop the first puck.”

The team hadn’t notified the doors yet. She figured since she was a newscaster, we’d recognize her and let her in. The game was about to start and they did really need someone there to drop the puck, so there was no time for verification.

Well, the problem was that none of us watched the local news. Then, all of a sudden, I recognized her; I had gone to school with her sister.

Me: “I know you! You’re [Former Schoolmate]’s sister! Sure, go on in.”

And I told her where to go.

She came back ten minutes later. She really had been there just to drop the puck, which I knew was the case once I recognized her. She was actually very sweet and understanding through the entire thing. I could tell, though, that it did set her back half a step because I knew who she was because of her sibling and not her career.

I drive a taxi. In the mid- to late 2000s, I picked up a man and his five- or six-year-old son late one Saturday evening. Back then, we had small screens mounted behind the front seats. They showed news and commercials to those sitting in the back seat.

The boy asked:

Boy: “Dad, what is on those screens?”

Dad: “News.”

Boy: “That’s boring. What is it about?”

Dad: “About some people in jail.”

Boy: “Who are they?”

Dad: “Some people in Iraq.”

I then recognised the story, which was about some 24,000 Iraqis who, at that point in time, were imprisoned by the Americans. This made the last comment rather funny.

Boy: “What are their names?”

I have a medical condition that has had a flare-up resulting in me staying home. My mum has headed over to visit my grandmother who’s very unwell. As such, we’re both fairly emotionally drained.

I’m feeling okay enough to eat the evening meal once Mum is home, and we’re looking at TV options. We normally watch a TV programme where very talented people fix much loved objects, and it’s very emotional to watch. It’s just starting.

Mum: “I don’t know if I want to…” *Trails off*

Me: “Cry?”

Mum: “Yeah.”

Me: “I’ve cried enough today, I think”

She goes to the TV guide to see what else is on. The options are… well…

Mum groans.

Me: “Well, guess we’re crying today.”

Mum: “There’s [Programme that points out unhealthy food and the effects it has]?”

Me: “I am not up to being shamed whilst eating food.”

Mum: “Crying it is.”