His Movie Choice Is Rock Solid

| Tigard, OR, USA | Right | April 5, 2011

(I’m selling tickets. An elderly man walks up with his two granddaughters.)

Customer: “What movies do you have for kids?”

Me: “Well, we have Gnomeo and Juliet in regular or 3D or Tangled.”

Customer:Ga-nomeo and Juliet. We’ve already seen Tangled.”

Me: “Yes. Gnomeo and Juliet is really the only other movie we have for kids.”

Customer: “Okay. Two little ladies and one really old guy for Ga-nomeo and Juliet.” *pauses* “I’m so old, I invented rocks.”

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Concession Confession

| PA, USA | Right | April 4, 2011

(A customer approaches with a half empty bucket of popcorn.)

Customer: “Excuse, but this popcorn made me feel really sick.”

Me: “I am so sorry. Was it too salty?”

Customer: “I don’t know. What can you do for me?”

(The guest’s daughter, who looks about 8 years old, speaks up.)

Guest’s daughter: “Then why did you eat the whole thing and get a refill?”

Me: “I am sorry, but there really isn’t anything we can do for you.”

(The guest walks away, telling the little girl how she needs to keep quiet.)

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Short-Change Deranged

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | March 7, 2011

(I have just entered a customer’s order coming to $15.50. He hands me a twenty.)

Customer: “Oh, could I get another small popcorn too?”

Me: “Of course, sir.”

(I get the popcorn and add it to the order. It now totals $19.95. I give him 5 cents back. The customer walks away and I finish a few more orders. He comes back angry.)

Customer: “You short changed me!”

Me: “Are you sure, sir?”

Customer: “Of course I’m sure, you idiot! You only gave me back a nickel. You took 4 bucks from me! Give it to me now!”

Me: “I can’t just give you money from the till. In fact, I remember your order. It was $19.95 and you gave me a twenty.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! It was 15 something!”

(My manager overhears.)

Manager: “What’s going on here?”

Customer: “This b*** short changed me 4 bucks!”

Me: “Sir, you saw the total at $15.50. Then, you asked for a small popcorn. Do you remember that?”

Customer: “Count the cash in the drawer! No, wait. She probably pocketed it! Empty your pockets now!”

(I show him there is nothing in my pockets.)

Customer: “She probably put it in her bra! Take off your clothes! Now!”

Manager: “She’s not taking off any clothes.”

Customer: “Fine! Then just let me put my hand in her bra and get my money out!”

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You’ll Wanna Sit Down For This One

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | February 21, 2011

(A guest hands me a ticket for a movie that doesn’t start for another hour.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We’re not ready to let people in for this show yet.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “There are still people in the auditorium watching the last showing of this movie.”

Customer: *stare* “I don’t get it.”

Me: “We need to wait for the people to leave. Then, we will clean the theater, and then you can go in.”

Customer: “You mean I’ll be sitting in a seat someone just sat in!?”

Me: “Most likely, yes.”

Customer: “That’s unsanitary!”

Me: “That’s how movie theaters work, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, if my seat is warm, I want a refund!”

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I Sense Toil And Trouble

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | February 19, 2011

(A customer hands me a ticket to a movie that we are not ready to let people into yet.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. The auditorium for [movie] is just being cleaned right now.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. No problem.”

Another customer: *comes running up to me* “What did you say about [movie]? What’s wrong?”

Me: “Nothing is wrong. We’re just cleaning the seats and aisles before we let people in.”

Another customer: “Oh, thank goodness! I thought you said it was being ‘cleansed’. I don’t want a movie theater that believes in that new-age spiritual witchcraft stuff!”

Me: “Oh. Nothing like that happens here.”

Another customer: “Good!”

(The movie she was waiting to see? ‘Season Of The Witch’.)

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