(I work at a movie theater. I typically say either, “Enjoy the show,” or, “Have a great day,” after helping every customer. There’s no rhyme or reason as to which I say, just whatever comes out.)

Me: “Your total is $14.”

Customer: “Here you go.”

(I complete the transaction and hand him his change.)

Me: “Here’s your change. Have a great day!”

Customer: *suddenly furious* “No, I won’t have a great day! I’ll ‘enjoy the show,’ a**hole!”

(The customer storms off.)

Coworker: “What the hell was that about?”

Me: “Just another happy customer.”

(At my cinema, we have special screenings for seniors on Wednesday mornings. For less than half the price of a normal ticket, they can see a movie that was released earlier in the year, as well as get a cup of tea and a small snack. On this day, I am approached by a man who is well under forty, and his maybe seven-year-old daughter.)

Man: “Two tickets to [Marvel Movie], please! [Daughter] and I missed it when it was out first time, so we were excited to see it on the website.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m really not supposed to give tickets to non-seniors. It’s a special viewing for our older customers.”

Man: *disappointed, but pleasant* “Oh. I should’ve looked. I was just really excited to see it in the cinema. Don’t worry, love; it’s not your fault.”

(I feel bad, because the man is looking crestfallen, and I consider making an exception and arguing with my manager later. Before I can say anything, however, the little girl looks from her dad to me and back again before clearly making a decision.)

Daughter: *clutching her back and doubling over* “Oh! My back!”

Man: “[Daughter]? What’s wrong?”

Daughter: “It’s my back, Daddy! I have a sore back because I’m so old!”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Oh, is that right? How old are you?”

Daughter: “I’m at least seventy-seven and I need a ticket for the old people movie! And Daddy needs to come help me to my seat!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I can certainly do a ticket for you and your companion if you’re the right age.”

Daughter: “I already told you I’m eighty-seven!”

Man: “You said seventy-seven, [Daughter].”

Daughter: “See? I’m so old I don’t know what age I am!”

(I let them in and replaced the tea with a fruit juice for her. My manager wasn’t thrilled with me when she found out, but the dad was thankful. Besides, that kind of quick thinking must be rewarded!)

(After seeing a scene in the last “Fifty Shades” movie:)

Husband: “Do you think he buys all new toys with each girl?”

Me: “I mean, to be fair, he can afford to.”

Husband: “But isn’t that part of his dominance? Like these are his tools and he uses them on everyone?”

Me: “Possibly, since he wasn’t serious with his previous girls.”

Husband: “And now?”

Me: “Listen. When you get married, you buy all new butt plugs!”

(I work in a movie theater. Anytime that we get a raunchy R-rated comedy, we always have to keep a lookout for teens trying to sneak in and watch it. This week, we have “The Dictator,” and right next to it, “The Avengers.”)

Manager: “I think those teens who had Avengers tickets snuck into The Dictator.”

Me: “Uh-oh. Do you want me to go after them?”

Manager: “Nah. I want to do this one.”

(He goes in to find a group of teenagers all sitting in a row.)

Manager: “What do you think you’re doing?”

Teen: “We’re just sitting here waiting for the movie to start.”

Manager: “The Dictator isn’t in 3D.”

(They all had 3D glasses for “The Avengers” sitting in their cup holders. On top of that, we charge an additional $2.50 for 3D movies.)

This story is part of our 3D Movies roundup!

Read the next 3D Movies roundup story!

Read the 3D Movies roundup!

(A customer comes to the service desk in regards to an application he filed a week earlier.)

Me: “Hi, how can I assist you today?”

Customer: “I applied for a job about a week ago, and I’m very interested. I was just wondering if I could leave my information with you guys.”

Me: “Sure.”

(I hand him a clipboard with some papers on it, and he writes down his info.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll give this to our hiring manager; she’ll be in later today.”

Customer: “Thanks.” *begins walking towards up escalator*

Me: “Sir, the exits are over there.” *points in completely opposite direction*

Customer: “Oh.”

(He walked to the bathroom, then checked to see if I was still watching, eventually leaving when he realized I was. I wrote on the note to the manager that he tried to sneak into a movie without a ticket. When she read it, she laughed hysterically and said, “Now I can use this to make sure we don’t hire him!”)