Not Very Amoo-sing

| Columbus, OH, USA | Working | July 18, 2012

(Employee #1 in this story has just recently been hired.)

Guest: “I’d like a latte with soy.”

Employee #1: “Soy?! What’s wrong with regular milk?”

(The guest is taken aback, so another employee steps in to help the new employee.)

Employee #2: “Soy milk is made from beans, whereas regular milk comes from cows—”

Employee #1: “Beans?! I ain’t messing with no beans!” *to guest* “Why do you want that?”

Guest: “I’m lactose intolerant.”

Employee #1: *completely serious* “Oh girl, are you lactating?!”

A Thor-tful Child, Part 2

| ON, Canada | Related | July 15, 2012

(I’m watching ‘The Avengers’. Suddenly I see a mother, and a little boy dressed in an Iron Man costume bouncing up the steps and scuttling into his booster seat. I am worried at first that he would be very noisy, but he is probably the most well-behaved little boy I have ever seen at the movies. The movie comes to the part where Loki is being taken to the gigantic holding cell. Suddenly, this little boy has a very important question to ask his mother, one he just couldn’t really keep to himself.)

Boy: “Mommy, is he going into time out?”

(Little fantastic boy in the Iron Man costume. You just made that scene forever funny in my mind.)


An Acute Lack Of Knowledge

| Gilbert, AZ, USA | Working | June 28, 2012

(This happens after work. A few coworkers and I are talking.)

Coworker #1: “Can you name all fifty of the United States?”

Me: “Alabama, Alaska—”

Coworker #1: “No, let’s see if [Coworker #2] can figure this out.”

Coworker 2: “Uh…Canada!”

(Coworker #1 and I start laughing.)

Coworker 2: “No, no, no! I didn’t mean that! I’ve just never been very good at geometry!”

Murder The Script, She Wrote

| Chicago, IL, USA | Related | June 27, 2012

(My daughter, a precocious six year old, is just starting to understand the distinction between actors and characters in movies. The following exchanges took place following a preview for ‘Snow White and the Huntsman’.)

Daughter: “Hey! That’s Thor in Snow White!”

Me: “Yep, that’s the actor who played Thor.”

Daughter: “Thor shouldn’t be in Snow White.”

(A few minutes later, my wife notices Angela Lansbury in another film.)

Wife: “That’s the actress who plays Mrs. Fletcher.”

Daughter: “Oh! Is this going to be a mystery?”

The Root Of The Problem

| Syracuse, NY, USA | Romantic | June 17, 2012

(We get to the theater early. They are showing a preview for a new ‘Lifetime’ movie, where two teenagers get stranded on a tropical island for months and end up falling in love. After the spot, my boyfriend leans over to me.)

Boyfriend: “There is one word to describe why that situation just isn’t romantic to me.”

Me: “Oh? What’s that?”

Boyfriend: “Toothpaste.”

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