No Crowd Allowed

| WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV, Popular

(I’m in line to see ‘Deadpool,’ but have turned up later than expected due to traffic. At this particular cinema they post notices inside the ticket booth if a certain screening is sold out so while the man ahead of me is getting his ticket I’m leaning forward to see if the showing I’m trying to catch still has seats available.)

Customer Ahead Of Me: “Yes, four for… uh… hold on a second.” *turns to me* “Sorry, but do you think you could… you know… back off, please?”

Me: “Oh, sorry!”

(I quickly step to the other side of the ticket booth to give him some space. He in turn keeps glaring at me.)

Customer Ahead Of Me: “Well? Did you not hear me? Keep going! You’re still too close to me!”

(I’m a bit confused but duly step as far back as I can get without forcing the people behind me in line to step back as well. The man continues to glare and then steps away from the ticket booth to approach me.)

Customer Ahead Of Me: “Hey, are you deaf or something? Have some respect for a guy’s personal space! MOVE BACK! GO! SCOOT!” *he looks up as if suddenly noticing the line behind me* “That goes for all of you, too! Stop crowding me and wait your turn!”

Customer Behind Me: “We ARE waiting our turn, bud! This is where we’re supposed to wait!”

(The man throws up his hands, goes back to the ticket booth, and finishes his purchase. As he storms into the cinema I sheepishly walk up to the counter again.)

Me: “Uh… do you still have seating for Deadpool at 3:30?”

Attendant: “We do, don’t worry. Seriously I don’t know what was wrong with that guy but you weren’t standing any closer than most do when they reach the front of the line.”

Me: “Thank you, though I dread to think how he’s going to react to sitting in a theater with so many folk clustered around him…”


Goblin-Flavored Icee

| MD, USA | Bizarre, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Popular

(Three teenagers, two girls and one boy, have paid for concessions and are walking toward the theatres.)

Girl #1: *clutching a gigantic Icee* “My precious…”

Girl #2: “Jenny, no! We talked about this!”

Girl #1: “Baggins… shire…”


Not Getting Ant-sty Over Bad Puns

| NSW, Australia | Movies & TV, Puns

(I’m selling tickets/food/drink as a theatre cashier. A man (probably a dad) approaches the counter with five children in tow, and, grinning widely, states his request.)

Customer: “I’d like tickets for one man and five ants, please!”

Me: *deadpan* “So, that was one adult and five children to the 11:20 screening of Ant-Man?”

Customer: *crestfallen* “Yes… thank you.”

(I cracked a smile then; A+ for effort! Bad puns should not be encouraged though!)


Don’t Get Owned By The Violence

| NSW, Australia | Movies & TV

(I am an usher, and wait at the back of the theater while the credits roll for ‘War Room’ (a religious film) as people exit, after which I can begin cleaning. All the patrons have left apart from two ladies. One lady refuses to leave and is dancing to the music. Her friend approaches me.)

Friend: “Great movie. It’s better than all your violent ones.”

Me: *chuckled* “I find it odd how all the violent films are inexplicably mine. Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it.”


Smells Like Teenage Dispirit

| NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV

(I am the usher on the opening weekend of ‘Ted,’ and it is quite busy. I walk into the theatre, and notice about ten teens sitting on the floor.)

Me: “Hi, guys, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to find seats.”

(The teens look at each other, then all mumble their refuse, and try to ignore me.)

Me: “Sitting on the floor is against our policy, because it poses a hazard for both yourselves and other patrons. You can either relocate yourselves, or leave the theatre.”

(They leave, swearing at me, and emptying their popcorn in a trail all the way from the last theatre in the building to the front doors, and abuse the manager on their way out.

Me: *angry* “Don’t worry about your popcorn, guys; we’ll clean up after you!”

(I was promptly told off by my manager for letting my anger get the better of me.)

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