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In The Heart Of The Duff

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV

(I am working at a movie theater, selling tickets. It’s the afternoon on a weekday, so it’s relatively slow. The phone rings, and I pick it up.)

Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [Theater] at [Location]. How may I help you?”

Woman: “Hello? Hello! Yes! I was looking in the newspaper… You don’t have any show times for that whale movie!”

Me: “That whale movie?” *trying to think of what movies coming up have a whale in them*

Woman: “Yes! I wanted to see the one with the whale…”

Me: “Do you mean Heart of the Sea?”

Woman: “Yes! That’s the one! When I can I see the whale movie?”

Me: “I’m sorry. That movie’s not going to be out for another three months. But I’m sure once it is, we’ll be showing it.”

Woman: “Another three months?” *sadly*

Me: “Yes. It opens in December.”

Woman: “Oh. Well, do you have that Duff movie?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Woman: “Yes. That sweet girl, she was on the Ellen show yesterday?”

Me: “I… didn’t see it.”

Woman: “Oh, she’s just the sweetest girl. She was on Ellen! She’s got a new movie coming out, she said.”

Me: “Do you mean… Hilary Duff?”

Woman: “That’s her! She was on Ellen, and she was just the sweetest girl. I want to see her movie. Ellen said it was good.”

Me: “One moment… I’ll see if we have it.” *drawing a complete blank, I call out on the radio, after putting the woman on hold* “Does anyone know if Hilary Duff has a new movie coming out?”

Manager: “Hilary Duff? The Disney Channel girl?”

Coworker #1: “She was in a Cinderella movie; that’s all I know.”

Coworker #2:Cheaper by the Dozen 2 was YEARS ago.”

Coworker #3:Foodfight was a TERRIBLE movie. We’d never carry that!”

Coworker #4: “Wait, wasn’t she in the Cars sequel?”

Me: *I get the woman off hold* “It doesn’t seem like we have any Hilary Duff movies coming out at our theater any time soon. I’m sorry.”

Coworker #5: “I know she’s done some Rom Coms recently.”

Woman: “Oh, that’s too bad. She was on Ellen yesterday, you know. She was such a nice girl!”

Coworker #6: “You mean She Wants Me? That was ages ago!”

Woman: “Ellen is very funny, you know. She has all the best recommendations.”

Me: “She’s very funny, yes.”

Coworker #7: “Pretty sure she did a made for TV thing, too.”

Woman: “You know, I like to watch Ellen every day, with a tall glass of lemonade, and a big bowl of popcorn. It’s not as good as your popcorn, but it’s still quite fun!”

Me: “I’m sure it is, ma’am. Was there anything—”

Woman: “Sometimes, I write letters to Ellen!”

Manager: “Oh! I saw that one!”

(I had to deal with this poor, lonely woman who clearly just wanted to chat in one ear, and my coworkers discussing Hilary Duff’s resume over the radio in my other, for quite a while after that. Thank goodness it was a dead afternoon!)

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Thinks You’re A Deadfool

| DE, USA | Movies & TV, Underaged

(I am taking tickets at my theater during the opening week of ‘Deadpool’ when two obviously underage teenagers, probably fifteen or so, walk up to me with tickets.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Theater]! Can I take your tickets, please?”

Customers: *hand me tickets*

Me: “Sorry, guys, but Deadpool is rated ‘R.’ I’m going to need to see some ID.”

Customer #1: “What?! But it’s a superhero movie! It’s ‘PG-13!'”

Me: “Nope! We’ve had a couple people think the same thing, but it’s rated ‘R.’ If you don’t have ID, they can switch out your tickets at the box office.”

Customer #2: “But they let us buy the tickets! Are you sure it’s rated ‘R?'”

Me: “Very sure. It says so on the poster right behind you.”

Customer #2: “Well, are you sure the poster’s right?”

(I proceeded to explain that the movie was, in fact, rated what it said on the poster. 20 minutes later, after several attempts to get me to let them into the movie, including a phone call from the customers’ mom, they finally left and got a ticket for a different movie. Security later caught them trying to sneak into ‘Deadpool’ anyway.)

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No Crowd Allowed

| WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV, Popular

(I’m in line to see ‘Deadpool,’ but have turned up later than expected due to traffic. At this particular cinema they post notices inside the ticket booth if a certain screening is sold out so while the man ahead of me is getting his ticket I’m leaning forward to see if the showing I’m trying to catch still has seats available.)

Customer Ahead Of Me: “Yes, four for… uh… hold on a second.” *turns to me* “Sorry, but do you think you could… you know… back off, please?”

Me: “Oh, sorry!”

(I quickly step to the other side of the ticket booth to give him some space. He in turn keeps glaring at me.)

Customer Ahead Of Me: “Well? Did you not hear me? Keep going! You’re still too close to me!”

(I’m a bit confused but duly step as far back as I can get without forcing the people behind me in line to step back as well. The man continues to glare and then steps away from the ticket booth to approach me.)

Customer Ahead Of Me: “Hey, are you deaf or something? Have some respect for a guy’s personal space! MOVE BACK! GO! SCOOT!” *he looks up as if suddenly noticing the line behind me* “That goes for all of you, too! Stop crowding me and wait your turn!”

Customer Behind Me: “We ARE waiting our turn, bud! This is where we’re supposed to wait!”

(The man throws up his hands, goes back to the ticket booth, and finishes his purchase. As he storms into the cinema I sheepishly walk up to the counter again.)

Me: “Uh… do you still have seating for Deadpool at 3:30?”

Attendant: “We do, don’t worry. Seriously I don’t know what was wrong with that guy but you weren’t standing any closer than most do when they reach the front of the line.”

Me: “Thank you, though I dread to think how he’s going to react to sitting in a theater with so many folk clustered around him…”