The final show of the night is going in. It’s almost completely sold out and there’s only one seat left. A couple comes in: a boyfriend and girlfriend. This is shortly after marijuana has been legalized in New York and they both absolutely REEK of it — offensively so. As someone who occasionally smokes it socially, I normally don’t mind the smell, but I’m practically being punched in the sinuses with it. It borderline smells like they just got skunked.

Boyfriend: “Yoooo… what do you have playing.”

Me: “I apologize, but there’s actually only one more show tonight, and we unfortunately only have one ticket left, so I’m not sure there’s much I’ll be able to help you with.”

Girlfriend: *Starts giggling* “What is it?”

Me: “[Movie]. It’s a Japanese anime film.”

Girlfriend: *Completely butchering the pronunciation* “Ann-eee-muh-aye? What’s Ann-eee-muh-aye?”

Me: “Anime. It’s a type of animation from Japan.”

Girlfriend: “Holy cow. Ann-ee-muh-aye… Wooowww. I don’t know what that is, even.”

Me: *Repeating myself* “It’s a type of animation from Japan.”

Boyfriend: *To his girlfriend* “It’s a type of animation from Japan.”

Girlfriend: “Japanese ann-ee-muh-aye. Wow.”

Me: “But like I said, unfortunately, that’s the only thing we have going in and there’s only one more seat left.”

Boyfriend: “What else you got playing?”

Me: “[Movie] is pretty much the only thing we have playing around now. Everything else went in a while ago and has already started.”

Boyfriend: “You got [Movie that came out two months ago]?”

Me: “No, sorry. We had it, but we lost it about three weeks ago.”

Boyfriend: “D***! You got [Another Movie that came out a while back]?”

Me: “No, sorry. We had that a while ago but we also lost it.”

Boyfriend: “D***!”

Girlfriend: “What else is playing now?”

Me: “As I’ve said, [Movie] is the only movie we have going in right now.”

Girlfriend: “So, what’s it about?”

Me: “I think it’s about a kid who hunts demons.”

Girlfriend: “And it’s animated?”

Me: “Yes, it’s animated.”

Girlfriend: “Sounds interesting!”

Me: “Yeah, people seem to be enjoying it.”

Boyfriend: “You wanna see it, baby?”

Girlfriend: “Yes!”

Boyfriend: *Turning to me* “How much for two?”

Me: “Unfortunately, as I’ve said, we only have one ticket left for the showtime.”

Boyfriend: “Aww… you don’t have two tickets.”

Me: “No, we only have one.”

Girlfriend: *Begins to giggle nervously* “What else do you have that’s starting?”

Me: “That’s the only thing we have that’s starting now. We’re actually just about to close for the night.”

His mind seems to be blown.

Boyfriend: “You’re closing soon?!”

Me: “Yeah, we close fifteen minutes after the last movie starts.”

Boyfriend: “Holy crap! What time is that?”

Me: “9:15.”

Boyfriend: “And what time is it now?”

Me: “It’s about 9:05.”

Boyfriend: “Okay.”

They take a few steps back and look up at the showtime board above the box office.

Boyfriend: “I don’t see anything else on the schedule.”

Me: “That’s correct. As I’ve said, [Japanese Anime Movie] is the only thing we have going in now. Everything else has already started.”

Boyfriend: “And you don’t have two tickets.”

Me: “Yes. We only have one ticket left.”

Boyfriend: *Looking back down at me* “So like… can I ask… can we… can we come back tomorrow?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Boyfriend: *Nervous chuckle* “Can we come back tomorrow and see a movie?”

Me: “Yes, you can absolutely come back tomorrow and see a movie.”

Boyfriend: “Really? Awesome! I wasn’t sure if we were allowed to!”

He then turned and walked toward the door with his girlfriend, who by this point had a severe case of the giggles and wouldn’t stop laughing. I really hope I don’t get this stupid when I partake.

This takes place back in 2013. I am a petite nineteen-year-old female. My boyfriend and I are on a double-date seeing “Iron Man 3” on premiere night. We arrive at that theater well before it starts to get good spots.

A few minutes into the movie, my boyfriend gets a bloody nose and goes to the restrooms to take care of it. The movie is about twenty minutes in when a man and his date walk into the theater. The theater is full and there are no seats together anymore. They spot the seat next to me with my boyfriend’s jacket in it and walk over.

Man: “Is that seat available?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Man: “No one’s sitting in it.”

Me: “My boyfriend is.”

Man: “Well, he’s not here right now. We want seats together.”

Me: “He’s coming back.”

Man: “There are no more seats next to each other. Get up and find somewhere else.”

Me: “No. We were here an hour before the movie started to get spots and you just now walked in, with concessions, on opening night, and the movie has already been playing for twenty minutes.”

Man: “I want that spot. Get up.”

I ignore him.

Man: “I said get up, girl! Don’t make me move you.”

I ignore him again, which results in him reaching toward me to grab my arm.

Me: “Woah, dude! No! Not okay! Don’t touch me.”

This has now gained the attention of my boyfriend’s friend, who is 6’2″; the guy is probably 5’8″. My friend gets out of his seat.

Friend: “Is there a problem? What are you trying to do to my buddy’s girlfriend?”

Man: “I… uhhh… Nothing, man. We’re all good.”

He slunk off to his girlfriend, and thankfully, we didn’t see them for the rest of the night.

A half-hour after the last movie goes in, we officially close the theater, empty the registers, and lock doors. We keep some popcorn on hand in case anyone comes out for a refill, but other than that and cleaning up the theaters, we’re pretty much done with customers for the night. That being said, there’s almost always that one or two people who pre-ordered tickets and are running late, so we have someone watch the front doors and let in any stragglers who already have tickets.

It’s been forty-five minutes since the last movie went in, so the theater is totally closed, the doors are locked, and our systems have been shut down. I’m watching the front doors when a group of teenage boys suddenly runs up to the doors and starts pounding. I open the door.

Me: “Hey, guys! We’re closed for the night and can’t sell anything, but I can let you in if you already have tickets. Do you have tickets?”

Teenager #1: *Nodding* “Yes.”

I open the door and let them in. Immediately, two of the boys go to the box office while the other two go to the concession stand.

Me: “Um, fellas? We’re closed.”

Teenager #1: “Oh, we just need tickets to the [Movie] that just went in.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we’re closed and the registers are off. We can’t sell any more tickets or snacks tonight. That’s why I specifically asked you if you already had tickets.”

Teenager #1: *With a s***-eating grin* “And we will have tickets once you sell them to me!”

Me: “Sorry, guys, if you don’t have tickets, you’ll have to leave.”

Teenager #1: “But we just need tickets.”

Teenager #2: *At the concession stand* “Where is everyone?! I gotta get my popcorn on!”

Me: *Turning to him* “We’re closed!” *Turning back to the first kid* “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to leave.”

Teenager #1: “For real?”

Me: “Yes, for real.”

The teens gather and act like they’re going to leave, so I go back to watch the door. I suddenly hear a coworker.

Coworker: “Did those guys have tickets?”

Me: “Who, those kids?”

Coworker: “Yeah, they just started walking toward the auditoriums.”

I leave my post and sprint to the back of the lobby and see the kids about to head into one of our theaters.

Me: “Guys! Seriously?”

Teenager #1: “Uh… well, you wouldn’t sell us tickets, so…”

They immediately turn and sprint into the theater, with me following behind them. I end up having to waste five minutes slowly corralling them, and I only finally get them to leave after threatening to call the cops. As they leave, the first kid turns back and sneers.

Teenager #1: “Go f*** yourself!”

A customer has come in who I refer to as the “freebie guy.” He basically comes in once a month during matinee hours, spends $5 on a ticket, and then demands you give him free food at the concession stand because he’s “spending so much of [his] money on tickets.” We tell him every time that he can’t have free concessions, but it doesn’t stop him.

I decide to have a little fun with him one day. We offer free jalapenos for our nachos at the concession stand.

Freebie Guy: “Give me something for free! What can you give me for free? I just spent a lot of money on my ticket!”

Me: *With a giant smile* “You know, we actually do have something I can give you today for free! Do you want it?”

His eyes widen in excitement, as this is the first time his ruse appears to have worked.

Freebie Guy: “Yes! Absolutely!”

I run into the back and come back with a big bowl full of jalapeños.

Me: “Here you go!”

Immediately, his excitement fades.

Freebie Guy: “What the h*** is that?”

Me: “Jalapeños! It’s the only thing we have for free now.”

Freebie Guy: “Just jalapeños?”

Me: “Yup! Jalapeños! We finally found something we could give you for free!”

He seems to have some sort of internal debate with himself. Finally, he picks up the bowl.

Freebie Guy: “Um… do you have a spoon?”

Me: “Nope!”

He slowly walked away from the stand looking utterly confused. A few minutes later, I saw him throwing away the bowl of jalapeños, and he stormed up to the concession stand and bought a drink because his mouth was burning from actually trying to eat them. I consider this to be a big win, and he hasn’t tried his “Give me free stuff!” schtick ever since.

A customer orders a bag of popcorn at the concession stand, and when I give it to her, she scowls at me.

Customer: “This popcorn is cold!”

Me: “Oh, my apologies, ma’am. Let me fix that.”

I take the bag back and gave her some fresh stuff that is literally still popping out of the machine. When I hand the new bag to her, she glares at me again. She’s holding a bag that is literally steaming.

Customer: “It’s still cold!”

Me: “Ma’am, I just got that out of the popper. I can’t make it any hotter.”

Customer: “Fine, then give me an extra bag so I can divide it up.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, policy won’t allow us to hand out empty bags. I can give you a tray, however.”

Customer: “What about those bags with the popcorn in them?”

Me: “We inventory those, so I can’t give them out. If you would like another bag of popcorn, I’ll have to charge you for it.”

Customer: “So, you have bags, but you just can’t give them to me.”

Me: *Sweetly* “That’s correct. You either have to divide your popcorn on a tray or pay for a second bag. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

The woman finally left, muttering angrily.