(A customer walks up to the movie theater concession stand.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a cinnamon pretzel, please.”

Me: “We don’t have any of those prepared right now, so it will be about five minutes. Is that okay?”

Customer: *pointing to the display case of pretzels* “Why can’t I have one of those?”

Me: “Oh, those are just for display. They’re covered in chemicals and have been there for ages.”

Customer: “So they’re not real pretzels?”

Me: “No, they’re real pretzels, just not really edible.”

Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t have them out if people can’t get them.”

Me: “We put the display case out so people can see what they’re like.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand why you have fake pretzels out instead of real ones.”

Me: “Look, even if you could eat those pretzels, look at the case; there’s no way to open it!”

Customer: “Fine. It still seems stupid to have fake pretzels.”

I was once a ticket taker at a movie theater. The passageway to the restrooms looked exactly like the passageways to the auditoriums, and it had a small marquee above it, just like an auditorium. Naturally, the marquee displayed the word “Restrooms.”

The 2,137th patron who thinks they are making an original joke, points at the “Restrooms.”

Patron: “Is that film any good?”

I am getting tired of the lame joke.

Me: “I thought it was okay, but the reviews have been in the toilet.”

This story is part of the Dad Jokes roundup!

Read the next Dad Jokes roundup story!

Read the Dad Jokes roundup!

(A woman came up to the concession counter with a tub of popcorn.)

Me: “Yes, can I help you?”

Woman: “WHY IS THIS POPCORN COLD?!”

Me: “It is? That’s weird; it shouldn’t be. I just made several batches, so I can get you another one.”

(The popcorn is ice cold, which is odd considering it usually stays warm for a few hours.)

Me: “Just wondering, when did you buy this popcorn?”

Woman: “Yesterday.”

Me: “…”

(I work as a box office cashier, and Saturday nights are the best due to funny things like this.)

Lady: “I need two for 27 Dresses.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the 7:20 is sold out. Our next one is at 10:00.”

Lady: “Seriously? It’s sold out?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Lady: “So there aren’t any more seats?”

Me: “No seats.”

Lady: “What if I went and bought concessions?”

Me: “Then you would have concessions, I suppose.”

Lady: “I mean, if I bought stuff from inside, I can get seats, right?”

Me: “No. You’ll just have popcorn and soda.”

Lady: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Well, typically when you get concessions, you end up with popcorn and soda.”

Lady: “Yes. That’s true.”

Me: “Can I ask you to step aside so I can help some other people if you aren’t ready to select another movie?”

Lady: “Oh, yes! I’m sorry! I’ll be right back.”

(About ten minutes pass, and she comes back with a guy, popcorn, and soda.)

Lady: “Hi! Remember me? I need two for 27 Dresses at 7:20.”

Me: “Um…I’m sorry, but that’s still sold out.”

Lady: “But, I thought you said if I bought popcorn and soda, I could see it!”

Me: *blink blink*

Guy: “HEY! IF you told her she could see it if she got food, then sell her the tickets!”

Me: “Okay, fine. Just warning you, there are only eight seats in the theater–”

Guy: “SELL US THE SEATS.”

Me: “Okie dokie. $16.50, please.”

Guy: “WHAT? Oh, f*** that. Come on. The movie costs more than the food. Let’s just go rent something.”

Lady: “But will the rental store have it?”

Me: “There’s a Blockbuster right there. Go bug them.”

Did you find this story using our Movie Theater Concessions roundup?

Click here to get to the next story!

Click here to get back to the roundup!

Customer: “What time does the film start?”

Me: “The film starts fifteen minutes after the time on your ticket. There are fifteen minutes of ads and trailers.”

Customer: “No, I said what time does the F-I-L-M start?!”

Me: “The film starts after fifteen minutes of trailers, so fifteen minutes after whatever it says on the ticket. Your ticket says 3:30 pm, so the film would start at 3:45. Okay?”

Customer: “Don’t blind me with science!”