The live-action “Dumbo” movie was released in theaters a few months ago. We have a lot of the promotional material for it still lying around some of the staff-only rooms in the theater as some companies are running behind in collecting them all.

I am going to my manager’s office as he’s been hinting at promoting me to a management position. I sit down at his desk, but I notice the giant collection of posters and cardboard displays taking over half of his office. It makes it difficult to sit facing each other, and he notices my discomfort as I lean awkwardly to see him.

Manager: “Are you okay?”

Me: “Fine, but there’s a literal elephant in the room.”

Manager: *Laughs* “I’m making you a manager just for that!”

Quickest promotion interview ever!

It was opening weekend for “The Fellowship Of The Ring”. We had HUGE crowds (like, lined up into the STREET huge), and almost every showing was sold out. I’d been running around like a crazy person because I was one of the few cross-trained at every station other than projectionist, so I helped sell tickets, I helped with concessions, I helped throw stupid teenagers out, all of it. I worked double shifts that day and was on about my twelfth hour there, running HIGH on caffeine from my dear friend, the Double Espresso, when two young, handsome men approached me hand-in-hand.

I put on my best smile and asked if I could help them. Then, I realized that both of them had tears in their eyes.

Customer: “Yes. We want a refund, please.”

I assured them I could do that (they were only a short way into the movie) and asked what reason I could put down for the refund. They looked at each other, and the second young man took a deep breath and spoke with what seemed to be controlled fury.

Customer: “It was too violent.”

I admit, I blinked at him in disbelief. Bad move. 

Customer: *Now yelling in my face* “You should be ashamed! There are children in there! You shouldn’t let them see people being stabbed and hurt and burned like that! I want my money back right now!“

His partner started to hush him (probably because he saw the very well-armed security guards walking their way), and I caught the last bit as I walked to the back to get their money. 

Customer: “They’re aiding the corruption of children! They should be ashamed. We’re never coming back here!”

I returned their money to the first young man and noticed that the second was standing by the door, waiting with a red face and a very sour expression. The first young man thanked me, and they left.

We have ratings for a reason, and on this day, we had a unicorn blessing: everyone going in was seemingly of the acceptable age for the rating (PG-13). No parents were taking their underage kids in because they “gave permission”, etc. 

I peeked in the theater at one point and no, there were no screaming babies or sobbing young children; from the glimpses I could see when the screen lit up enough to show, the youngest were young teens. While they were riveted. No one seemed traumatized. When the movie let out, no angry parents stormed up to berate us.

At our cinema, we deliver food to your seat as the movie is running. I went to deliver a guest’s meal and had to shuffle past the end of the row to get to the centre, deliver the food, and shuffle back to leave.

A few minutes later, another order was ready, and I went to deliver it in the same row.

Grumpy Guest: “EXCUSE ME! HOW OFTEN IS THIS GOING TO HAPPEN?!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, other guests further down the row are getting their food delivered. It comes out of the kitchen in batches depending on when it was ordered.”

Grumpy Guest: “WELL, HURRY UP!”

Me: *Shuffling as fast as I can* “Yes, ma’am.”

We got a complaint about a “rude server who kept standing in front of me and blocking the movie”. The only time we stop is to hand food over and we crouch down as much as possible. Would she rather I had army crawled across the floor with a tray of food?

A nice elderly couple — a man and woman — have come in to see a movie. Their show doesn’t start for an hour, but there’s nobody in the movie that’s currently playing in their auditorium, so when they ask if there’s a place to sit, we tell them that they’re more than welcome to sit inside. We do stress that their movie won’t start until the showtime, but they’re both totally fine with that and are delighted that they can sit in our nice recliner seats early. I will note, it’s a different movie, so they’re not seeing any spoilers for their movie.

About an hour and a half later, the lobby is empty, so all the staff members are mingling and talking. Suddenly, we hear an ungodly, banshee-like scream.

Old Woman: “THREE HOURS! THREE F****** HOURS! UNACCEPTABLE!”

We’re all shocked and don’t know what’s going to happen, and we can’t see whose screaming. As it continues, the old woman suddenly comes into view.

Old Woman: “I WAITED FOR NOTHING! NOTHING! NNNOOOTTTHHHIIINNNGGG! YOU MOTHERF***ERS! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! YOU’VE BETRAYED MY TRUST! NNNOOOTTTHHHIIINNNGGG!”

She then stands still and just… shrieks for several seconds like she’s being murdered as my manager, who is fairly young and new still, runs over and tries to talk to her and calm her down. I can’t hear what my manager is saying, but I can hear the old woman clear across the hall.

Old Woman: “NO! YOU DID THIS TO ME! I WAITED FOR NOTHING, YOU F****** B****! UNACCEPTABLE! I WAITED! I WWWAAAIIITTTEEEDDD! ALL FOR NNNOOOTTTHHHIIINNNGGG!”

Several other staff members go over while I hold the fort. They finally manage to calm her down and get her to lead them to the auditorium. About a minute later, my manager comes back clearly shaken and utterly confused.

Manager: “She told me she waited three hours for nothing… but they’ve only been here an hour and their movie is playing. It’s been playing for nearly a half-hour. I have no clue what the f*** is going on. She calmed down… so I don’t know what to do.”

About two minutes later, we hear it again.

Old Woman: “NNNOOOTTTHHHIIINNNGGG! I WAITED FOR NOTHING! YOU BETRAYED MMMEEE! YOU BETRAYED MY TTTRRRUUUSSSTTT!”

Cue everyone running over and trying to calm her down again. He husband walks out actually LAUGHING.

Old Man: “Sorry, my wife doesn’t always take her meds, and she gets like this when that happens. I know it’s funny. Don’t worry; she won’t do any harm.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but it’s not funny. You guys need to leave, now. She’s making my staff nervous and causing a scene.”

Old Man: “Aw, come on! It’s not that serious!”

The old man continues to try and argue that it’s “funny” while his wife screams bloody murder and my manager tries to get them to leave. They FINALLY agree after we tell them we will call the cops. But the woman makes sure before she leaves to walk up to EVERY… SINGLE… EMPLOYEE and yell at them for a moment before she leaves. When she gets to me, I am berated with this nugget:

Old Woman: “NOW I HAVE TO GO SHOPPING! SSSHHHOOOPPPPPPIIINNNGGG! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! WHY?! WHY?! WWWHHHYYY?! SSSHHHOOOPPPIIINNNGGG!”

We were told to call the cops immediately if they ever came back. I do not envy the people at the store they were evidently about to shop at.

A highly-anticipated film has finally been released (a very pink film about a popular children’s toy), and the evening screenings of the first weekend are especially very busy. I made sure to book tickets for my friends and myself well ahead of time, so we have great seats at an agreeable time, which is not the last screening of the day. (This will turn out to be important.) 

As the trailers and commercials play, people are still coming into the theater, trying to find their seats in the near-dark. The theater has assigned seating, and while this usually isn’t strictly adhered to on emptier screenings, this particular show is nearly sold out, so everyone wants to get into their assigned seat.

The film starts and we all enjoy it. It’s great! About thirty minutes from the end, when the film has been playing for well over an hour, three people come into the cinema, turning on the flashlight apps on their phones to see where they’re going. They start to walk all the way up the stairs, looking at the seating row numbers, and they end up at ours. They start to walk toward us. Mind you, we’re just about in the middle, so they have to pass directly in front of at least six other people before they get to our spot. The woman in front shines her bright flashlight on my seat number.

Woman: “Excuse me. I think these are our seats?”

Me: “What? No, they’re not. We’ve been sitting here the whole time.”

Woman: “Is this row [number]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Woman: “Seat [number]?”

Me: “Yes, but I bought a ticket for this seat.”

Woman: “No, I did. Look.”

She gestures to the guy behind her to hand her the tickets. In the meantime, I can see that she holds her phone in such a way that her flashlight shines directly toward the several rows sitting in front of us. People are turning around, wondering what’s going on back there and why someone is shining this bright light in their peripheral vision.

The woman gets the tickets and shows them to me. Sure enough, they have the same seat number on them. However, I notice something else.

Me: “These are for the screening at 8:00 pm.”

Woman: “Yes, so?”

Me: “This is the 6:00 pm screening. We’ve been sitting here for over an hour and a half.”

The woman checks her watch.

Woman: “Oh… sorry!”

She informed her friends, and they all turned around and walked back out, still shining the flashlights the entire way, bothering people with them. She had come in right in the middle of an important dialogue scene, which I completely missed! Hopefully, they’ll check the time more carefully next time.