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No Problem, We’ll Just Bulldoze A Nearby Home

, , | Right | July 2, 2008

Me: “What size popcorn would you like, sir?”

Older Man: “Do your managers know that there are no parking spots out there?”

Me: “Um… I’m pretty sure they are aware of that, sir. Three very popular movies came out today, seeing how it is Friday.”

Older Man: “Well, maybe they need to be informed of the situation so they can fix it!”

Me: “I’ll let them know right now! In the meantime, this gentleman can help you with your popcorn…”

(I walked off, barely able to contain my laughter.)

A Sticky Situation

, , , | Right | June 27, 2008

(Ever wonder why you can’t buy gum at a movie theater? Patrons plaster their used gum *everywhere.* An assistant manager I worked with knew exactly how to get the point across.)

Movie Theater Patron: “Do you carry any gum?”

Assistant Manager: *low growl* “Gum… is our enemy.”

Just Shut Up And Watch Your Movie

, , | Right | April 16, 2008

(A customer walks up to the movie theater concession stand.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a cinnamon pretzel, please.”

Me: “We don’t have any of those prepared right now, so it will be about five minutes. Is that okay?”

Customer: *pointing to the display case of pretzels* “Why can’t I have one of those?”

Me: “Oh, those are just for display. They’re covered in chemicals and have been there for ages.”

Customer: “So they’re not real pretzels?”

Me: “No, they’re real pretzels, just not really edible.”

Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t have them out if people can’t get them.”

Me: “We put the display case out so people can see what they’re like.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand why you have fake pretzels out instead of real ones.”

Me: “Look, even if you could eat those pretzels, look at the case; there’s no way to open it!”

Customer: “Fine. It still seems stupid to have fake pretzels.”

One Bad Joke Deserves Another

, , | Right | March 5, 2008

I was once a ticket taker at a movie theater. The passageway to the restrooms looked exactly like the passageways to the auditoriums, and it had a small marquee above it, just like an auditorium. Naturally, the marquee displayed the word “Restrooms.”

The 2,137th patron who thinks they are making an original joke, points at the “Restrooms.”

Patron: “Is that film any good?”

I am getting tired of the lame joke.

Me: “I thought it was okay, but the reviews have been in the toilet.”


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Entropy Strikes Again

, , | Right | March 3, 2008

(A woman came up to the concession counter with a tub of popcorn.)

Me: “Yes, can I help you?”

Woman: “WHY IS THIS POPCORN COLD?!”

Me: “It is? That’s weird; it shouldn’t be. I just made several batches, so I can get you another one.”

(The popcorn is ice cold, which is odd considering it usually stays warm for a few hours.)

Me: “Just wondering, when did you buy this popcorn?”

Woman: “Yesterday.”

Me: “…”