One Bad Joke Deserves Another

, , | Right | March 5, 2008

I was once a ticket taker at a movie theater. The passageway to the restrooms looked exactly like the passageways to the auditoriums, and it had a small marquee above it, just like an auditorium. Naturally, the marquee displayed the word “Restrooms.”

The 2,137th patron who thinks they are making an original joke, points at the “Restrooms.”

Patron: “Is that film any good?”

I am getting tired of the lame joke.

Me: “I thought it was okay, but the reviews have been in the toilet.”

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Entropy Strikes Again

, , | Right | March 3, 2008

(A woman came up to the concession counter with a tub of popcorn.)

Me: “Yes, can I help you?”


Me: “It is? That’s weird; it shouldn’t be. I just made several batches, so I can get you another one.”

(The popcorn is ice cold, which is odd considering it usually stays warm for a few hours.)

Me: “Just wondering, when did you buy this popcorn?”

Woman: “Yesterday.”

Me: “…”

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Yes, Let’s All Just Make Up Our Own Rules

, , | Right | February 19, 2008

(I work as a box office cashier and Saturday nights are the best due to funny things like this.)

Lady: “I need two for 27 Dresses.”

Me: “I’m sorry but the 7:20 is sold out. Our next one is at 10:00.”

Lady: “Seriously? It’s sold out?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Lady: “So there aren’t any more seats?”

Me: “No seats.”

Lady: “What if I went and bought concessions?”

Me: “Then you would have concessions, I suppose.”

Lady: “I mean, if I bought stuff from inside, I can get seats right?”

Me: “No. You’ll just have popcorn and soda.”

Lady: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Well typically when you get concessions, you end up with popcorn and soda.”

Lady: “Yes. That’s true.”

Me: “Can I ask you to step aside so I can help some other people if you aren’t ready to select another movie?”

Lady: “Oh, yes! I’m sorry! I’ll be right back.”

(About ten minutes pass and she comes back with a guy, popcorn and soda.)

Lady: “Hi! Remember me? I need two for 27 Dresses at 7:20.”

Me: “Um…I’m sorry, but that’s still sold out.”

Lady: “But, I thought you said if I bought popcorn and soda, I could see it!”

Me: *blink blink*

Guy: “HEY! IF you told her she could see it if she got food, then sell her the tickets!”

Me: “Okay, fine. Just warning you there are only eight seats in the thea–”


Me: “Okie dokie. $16.50, please.”

Guy: “WHAT? Oh, f*** that. Come on. The movie costs more than the food. Let’s just go rent something.”

Lady: “But will the rental store have it?”

Me: “There’s a Blockbuster right there. Go bug them.”

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Those Heathens And Their Time-Telling Ways

, , , , | Right | January 17, 2008

Customer: “What time does the film start?”

Me: “The film starts fifteen minutes after the time on your ticket. There are fifteen minutes of ads and trailers.”

Customer: “No, I said what time does the F-I-L-M start?!”

Me: “The film starts after fifteen minutes of trailers, so fifteen minutes after whatever it says on the ticket. Your ticket says 3:30 pm, so the film would start at 3:45. Okay?”

Customer: “Don’t blind me with science!”

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Jeff Foxworthy Would Be Proud

, , | Right | November 19, 2007

Customer: “Two tickets for Madagascar.”

(After the previews, he returns.)

Customer: “I want my money back!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “You have the wrong movie playing in there. It’s a cartoon. Where’s the cars?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, cars?”

Customer: “NASCAR! I wanted to see Mad about NASCAR!!”

Me: “Let me get the manager…”

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