(My friend avoids geek culture like the plague. We’re at a movie when a trailer for the new ‘Hobbit’ movie plays.)

Friend: *after seeing Ian McKellen on the screen as Gandalf* “Hey, it’s Dumbledore!”

Me: “No, that’s not Dumbledore. That’s Gandalf.”

Friend: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Pretty sure…”

Friend: “Oh, well then he should have been Dumbledore.”

Me: *sigh* “You know, he really should have been…”

(I’m currently a greeter, but whenever there’s a line for a movie I go help take tickets. We’re near the end of the line when I see a woman with a large coffee cup that’s not from our cafe.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t allow outside food or drink.”

Customer: “But you don’t serve coffee here.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, we have a cafe just on the other side of the concessions.”

Customer: “Well, their coffee’s crap.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you bring that into the theater.”

(The customer SPIKES her full coffee cup into the nearby garbage can.)

Customer: “I’m never buying any food from you again!”

(She storms into the theater. My coworker, who finished the line while I was dealing with the customer, looks at me.)

Coworker: “What kind of threat was that? She’s not buying anything from us NOW!”

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(When the ticket office is closed customers can buy tickets at the popcorn counter.)

Customer: “Where can I buy tickets?”

Me: “At the popcorn counter.”

Customer: “Well… you should have a sign saying so!”

Me: *pointing at a six-foot tall sign* “Do you mean like that one?”

Customer: “Yes. You should get a sign like that!”

(I’m standing outside an auditorium waiting for the last customers to leave so I can begin cleaning. A man holding a child comes out, irate.)

Customer: “If I didn’t have my kid with me right now, I’d be kicking somebody’s a**!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Was there a problem?”

Customer: “Yeah. Tell your guy up in the booth to stop shining f****** lights in people’s faces! My wife was looking for something! I don’t care if we were standing in front of people! The movie was over!”

(I have no idea what he’s talking about. We only have one story to the building and no one was manning the projectors at the time.)

Me: “Sir, I—”

(At this point my manager cuts me off.)

Manager: “Yes, sir. I’ll have a talk with him. We’re sorry.”

Customer: “Good! Next time I’m kicking somebody’s a** if he shines a light in my face!” *walks away*

Me: “What in the world was he talking about?!”

(The manager gestures to follow him to where the guy was sitting and points back toward the window near the ceiling where the movie was projected. The customer had stood while the credits were playing and having stood, was in the glow of the light. He had looked back and blinded himself by looking at it.)

(I am working at the ticket counter. One of the movies playing is a PG-13 war movie. A customer walks in with two young girls and an infant in her arms.)

Customer: “We want three tickets for [movie].”

Me: “Okay. You are aware that this is a PG-13 movie, correct? It will be somewhat loud and scary for young children.”

Customer: “You have no right to tell me how to raise my children! I am working very hard to raise them, and I don’t need criticism from someone like you, who never even graduated from school!”

(I had.)

Me: “Okay. I’m sorry. Here are your tickets.”

(She storms off in a huff. Fifteen minutes after the movie has started, she comes barreling out of the theater, all three of her children sobbing. My manager steps forward to ask if she is okay, but the woman brushes past her and out of the building.)