Beating Around The Bush

, , , | Right | December 21, 2009

(I’m working the box office and a woman storms up to the counter, holding a copy of a popular satire newspaper.)

Customer: “Have you seen this?”

Me: “Yeah, I read it all the time.”

Customer: “How can they get away with this?”

(She pushes the newspaper against the glass, and I can see a humorous picture of the President.)

Me: “I think that’s photoshopped.”

Customer: “No, it’s real! This is un-American! To degrade the office of the president by publishing this photo, it’s treasonous!”

Me: “You know it’s a joke, right?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “It’s a parody newspaper. Nothing in it is actual news.”

Customer: “No, no, no, it was on the newsstand. I paid for this, and they’re defaming the president!”

Me: “It’s also free.”

Customer: *pauses*

Me: “Would you like a ticket?”

Customer: “One for Sicko…”

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So She Thinks She Can Dance

, , | Right | December 8, 2009

(A little old lady approaches me and a new employee while we’re standing in the movie theater lobby.)

Customer: *dances*

Me: “That’s nice, ma’am.”

Customer: *continues dancing*

Me: “Um… I don’t know how to respond to that.”

Customer: *continues dancing*

Me: “I’m sorry, I really don’t know how to respond.”

Customer: “You could say ‘You’re a great dancer!'” *walks toward the concession stand*

New Guy: “Does that happen often?”

Me: “No. Believe it or not, that’s actually a new one.”

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You Have No Brrraaaiiins

, , | Right | November 16, 2009

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Movie Theater]!”

Customer: “Hi. Is Dead Snow a horror movie?”

Me: “Kind of… It’s about zombies.”

Customer: “So, it’s a documentary?”

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They Do Have A Point

, , , | Right | November 13, 2009

Customer: “I want two tickets to Precious.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that doesn’t come out in this state until the 20th. It only opened limited in a few states today, but no theater in North Carolina will get it until November 20th.”

Customer: “I looked on the website! It said you had it!”

Me: “Please come inside to the customer service counter.”

(I pull up our website and the Precious movie website.)

Me: “See, both sites say that it doesn’t open here until the 20th. Sorry about the mix-up.”

Customer: “But Oprah said it would be playing!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but Oprah has no control over our movie schedules.”

Customer: “Oprah controls EVERYTHING!”

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Needs A Military Rescue

| Right | November 11, 2009

(Editor’s Note: To commemorate Veteran’s Day, we’re resurfacing this story. It was originally posted on May 7, 2015.)

(I work at a movie theater. It’s a Monday morning and I’m serving a young man in line.)

Customer: “Do you offer military discounts?”

Me: “The current policy is that we do not offer military discounts on weekdays, but we do on weekends. Since weekday prices are already so much cheaper, especially for matinees, we really can’t add additional discounts on top of it.”

Customer: *firmly* “Well, lemme ask you this: Do you believe the minimum wage should be raised?”

Me: *confused* “Um… well, yes. Yes, I do. A little over $8 an hour is hard to live off of, especially in this economy.”

Customer: “Well, that’s bull-s***. You don’t deserve more money. I just got back from being stationed in Iraq. How about you? I fought for your freedom, kid. The same freedom that you’re exercising now to tell me that my sacrifices won’t even get me a discount! You minimum wage drones don’t deserve more money.”

Me: *absolutely shocked* “I’m… I’m sorry, sir. I truly thank you for your service…”

Customer: “I want you to know I have no respect for you whatsoever. You obviously weren’t in the military, and you don’t understand the meaning of sacrifice. It’s unbelievable that after I chose to fight for your freedom, you deny me the basic dignity of recognition with a discount. Do you understand that I don’t respect you?”

Me: “I… I guess?”

Customer: “No, you tell me that you absolutely understand that I don’t respect you.”

Me: *going pale* “I understand.”

Customer: “Good.”

(He buys his tickets and goes into the theater. I’m left shocked by the exchange. An older man who was behind him in line approaches me. He gives me a warm smile.)

Old Man: “Wow. I’m sorry you had to put up with that. You know… I was in the military. Fought in Vietnam. Put up with a lot in my life. But I want to tell you… I thank YOU for YOUR service. And I have nothing but respect for you and every other person out there trying to make ends meet while being a good employee, despite dealing with a low minimum wage. Not everyone is cut out to be a soldier. But that doesn’t mean jerks like him are better than you. People like you… doing your hardest and trying to make ends meet, all while having to put up with the self-righteous people like that… you deserve as much admiration as anyone else. This world needs people of all types. We’re all in this together. We’re all heroes in our own way. So thank you. Because of you, I get to have a nice day seeing movies. You’re helping to give me happiness for a few hours. And that means a lot.”

(I was almost crying for the rest of the day. Thank you for restoring my faith in humanity after the last person nearly destroyed it!)

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