Not Suitable For Those Who Can’t Count

, , , , , | Right | July 22, 2010

(I work at a theater, and this shift I am in the box office selling tickets. A customer approaches me who has just gotten out of a movie.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I would like to lodge a complaint with your manager.”

Me: “She isn’t actually working today, sorry, but if you tell me what you need to complain about, I can make sure it gets passed onto her right away.”

Customer: “I just watched The A-Team and it wasn’t at all how I thought it would be. The green people were very blurry!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there aren’t any green people in the movie The A-Team. Are you sure you went into the right auditorium?”

Customer: “What are you talking about? There is only one auditorium in this place!”

Me: “Actually, sir, we have five auditoriums, and there are different movies playing in each of them.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me that?! And why was the movie blurry?!”

Me: “Well, sir, the only movie we have that has green people in it is Shrek, and that movie is in 3D, so if you are not wearing the 3D glasses it would be very blurry.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you give me those glasses?”

Me: “You didn’t buy a ticket for that movie.”

Customer: “If there is only one auditorium, when does my movie play?”

Me: “Sir, your movie is over. You went into the wrong auditorium.”

Customer: “Well, that’s all your fault!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but how is this my fault?”

Customer: “You didn’t tell me that there is more than one auditorium!”

Me: “When I sold you your ticket, I told you were in auditorium three.”

Customer: “Oh, I just thought you were stupid. So, can I have a refund?”

Another Customer In Line: “Get out of line, dumba**!”

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Some Films Are Just Sick

, , , , | Right | June 23, 2010

Customer: “Wow, I haven’t been to this theater since that movie Sex in the Time of Gonorrhea!”

Me: “Um, what?”

Customer: “Oops! I mean Love! Love in the Time of Gonorrhea“.

Customer’s Friend: “I think you mean Love in the Time of Cholera.”

Customer: “Isn’t that what I said?”

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Free Cop Holder With Drink

, , , , , , | Right | May 28, 2010

(A customer approaches the ticket drop, holding a half bottle of wine.)

Me: “You cannot bring that in here, ma’am. That is against the law.”

Customer: “What?! I need to bring this in! I can’t just leave it in my car! There is a law about open containers being in cars in this state.”

Me: “How did you manage to bring it all the way here, then?”

Customer: “Oh, it wasn’t opened when I left. I drank it on the way here.”

Me: “So, you had an open container and you were drinking on the way here in your car?”

Customer: “No! I hung the bottle out the window on the way here, and put my head out the window when I was drinking, so it doesn’t count!”

Me: “Okay, I’m going to call the police now. You wait here.”

Customer: “Okay! Is he going to hold this for me while I watch my movie?”


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The Unfantastic Mr. Fox

, , | Right | May 26, 2010

(A man comes up to me with a huge bag.)

Customer: “Can I ask an odd question?”

Me: “Go for it.”

Customer: “Would it be okay for me to put my fox costume on and stand in the foyer?”

Me: “Why?”

Customer: “Just for pleasure. I enjoy doing it and the customers would enjoy seeing it.”

Me: “I’ll just check with my manager.”

(I phone the manager and repeat the request. The manager laughs for a few minutes and says no.)

Me: “I’m afraid my manager has said it’s not okay.”

Customer: *looks down sadly* “It’s okay. They said no everywhere else I asked too.” *walks away sadly, dragging the bag with his fox costume in*


This story is part of our Weird Customers roundup!

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Bohemian Nobody

, , , , , | Right | May 26, 2010

(A customer approaches the service counter.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Is this the real life?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Is this just fantasy?”

Me: *catching on* “Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.”

Customer: “D*** it! I was trying to prank you! You shouldn’t know what I’m doing!”

Me: “Doesn’t really matter to me, to meeee.”

Customer: “F*** you!” *storms off*

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