(I see a voucher in a magazine offering two free tickets for a specific movie. I decide to go by myself.)

Me: *hands the voucher to the ticket clerk* “One ticket for [Film], please.”

Ticket Clerk: *looks at voucher* “This is for two tickets.”

Me: “Yes, but I only need one.”

Ticket Clerk: “But the voucher says two tickets.”

Me: “I know, but I’ve come all alone. Just one ticket for me, please.”

Ticket Clerk: “But it’s for TWO tickets!”

Me: *giving up* “Fine, just give me two tickets for [Film], but I’ll only use one, okay?”

Ticket Clerk: “Oh. Just one ticket for [Film], then.”

(I am at my local movie theatre watching a film with my friends. We have arrived early, so I am texting my mom during the previews to let her know how long I will be. Suddenly, the lady behind me chirps up…)

Lady: “Excuse me, can you get off your phone? Some of us are trying to watch a movie here.”

Me: “Oh, yeah. I’m sorry.”

(I got off my phone only to be disturbed during the ACTUAL movie, not the previews, by her feet kicking and resting on my chair. I turned around to see her texting on her phone. Wow, talk about hypocrites!)

(Our theater picked up “Jersey Boys,” a musical about the band, the Four Seasons. Consequently, some of the music sometimes gets stuck in our heads.)

Coworker: *singing* “Sheeeery, Sherry baby, baaaaaby…”

Me: “If you don’t stop, I will castrate you so that you actually sound like that!”

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(I work at a movie theater, where the dress code calls for black work pants, black sneakers, and our uniform-polo shirt that everyone wears.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how are you doing tonight?”

Customer: *dramatically feigning surprise* “Oh, what was that? I’m sorry; I was distracted by your disgustingly revealing clothing.”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “You know, I see this more and more with young ladies today. You’re at work for God’s sake; you’re not here to recruit some ‘johns’ for your night-job!”

Me: “Excuse me, but that is totally uncalled for. I’m wearing the same uniform as everyone else here.”

Customer: “Your attitude is disgusting too, of course.”

Me: *trying to smile* “Your theater is to the left. Enjoy your movie.”

Customer: “I’m going to talk to your manager about you before I leave!”

Me: “Yes, thank you, ma’am.”

Customer: “And lose the attitude!”

Me: “Yes, thank you, ma’am.”

(She did end up writing a letter to corporate, saying I was ‘a rude strumpet, and completely offensive.’ Luckily, my managers and I had a good laugh over it and printed out. It’s still tacked up in the employee room to remind us that the customer isn’t ALWAYS right.)

Me: “Hello. May I have two tickets to Belle, please?”

Attendant: “Um, I think you mean the new Disney movie?”

Me: “Belle isn’t a Disney movie. It’s about a bi-racial women who works towards ending slavery in 18th century England.”

Attendant: “Um, we don’t have anything like that…”

Me: *sighs* “Can I get two tickets to that movie?” *points to ‘Belle’ movie poster*

Attendant: “Ugh! That’s ‘Bee-Elle!’ It’s basically Cinderella. God, why is everyone so stupid…”