You Can’t Topless That

| Devon, England, UK | Working | August 11, 2016

(All of the managers, and a handful of team members, are in early for first aid training. A new coworker, who is very sheltered, has been chosen to fill out the numbers and have the training. We’re on a break before the next session. I should also note that at work, the general manager always comes off as quite serious and stern if you don’t know him that well.)

Me: *seeing the general manager walking around* “Oh, [General Manager]! I didn’t recognise you for a minute. I guess because none of us are in uniform, I thought you were some random person who had somehow gotten in.”

General Manager: “Haha, you probably didn’t recognise me without a shirt on!”

(I had to walk away and laugh while my coworker blushed. The general manager was oblivious to how he sounded.)

Not So Dire At Direction

| CT, USA | Related | July 31, 2016

(My sister and I are talking while waiting for a movie to start, and I tell her my big event for the day. Note that I’m fairly infamous in my family for having a horrible sense of direction, to the point of occasionally ending up in the wrong state.)

Me: “You’ll be proud of me. I drove to Hartford without the GPS.”

Sister: “Very good.” *pause* “Where did you actually mean to go?”

Me: “Hartford. It was on purpose.”

Polite Or Flight

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Right | July 27, 2016

(We are hosting a small film festival with another local movie theater and we reserve the credit card machine for the film festival movies only. This means that our regularly scheduled movies are cash only. Some customers are annoyed by this but this particular customer threw a hissy fit. This happens to my coworker who is probably one of the sweetest, most polite people I have ever met.)

Coworker: “Hello, ma’am, just to let you know, because of the film festival we are only accepting cash for the other films.”

Customer: “Are you f****** kidding me? What the f*** am I supposed to do?”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but there is an ATM at the store down the street.”

Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous!” *storms out*

Coworker: “Have a nice day!”

(The customer comes back five minutes later.)

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU?! WHAT THE F*** GOOD DOES IT DO ME OR DO YOU TO TELL ME TO HAVE A NICE DAY WHEN I’M CLEARLY UPSET?!”

Coworker: “Okay, theater two! Enjoy the show!”

Customer: *storms off towards the theater*

Awakening A Trap

| DE, USA | Friendly | July 26, 2016

(I am seeing the new Star Wars movie with a friend, a movie theater employee at the theater we are attending. Just before the movie starts, there is a small advertisement stating that the theater is hiring. The following takes place in the few seconds of dead silence after the advertisement.)

Friend: *just loud enough to be heard by everyone in the theater* “IT’S A TRAP!”

Lack Of Education Has Us Quaking With Fear

| New Zealand | Learning | July 26, 2016

(New Zealand is prone to the occasional earthquake. Tremor occurs in the lobby of the theatre. My friend and I are stopped by a small group of high school students who nervously ask:)

Student: “When is the next one due?”

Friend: “Next what?”

Student: “Next earthquake?”

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