(An ethnologist has just released a documentary on an Afro-American religion often thought to be “black magic,” which premiers in a small local cinema. The documentary aims to debunk some of the worst stereotypes about the religion, and the ethnologist has invited an African-American priest who has agreed to answer the audience’s questions afterwards. Some of those are interesting, some show that the asker clearly hadn’t paid attention to the movie, but the priest still replies politely. Then comes this gem, though…)

Asker: “Do you sacrifice humans?”

Priest: *after short silence, baffled* “What a stupid question.”

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(We changed the flavor in the slushy machine over to cherry, but the blue raspberry that was initially in there wasn’t drained out so it got mixed in.)

Me: “I’m a little curious. I’m going to give this a try.”

(I pour myself a cup and have a sip.)

Manager: “What’s it tastes like?”

Me: “It tastes like… purple?”

(In this story I am the customer buying two tickets to see a popular new movie with my little sister. Note: I am 16 when this takes place.)

Me: “Two kids tickets for [Popular Movie], please!”

Clerk: *gives me confused look* “How old are you?”

Me: “16, but I’m a child at heart.”

Clerk: *laughs* “And will that be for the [next available movie time]?”

Me: “Yes.”

(Needless to say I didn’t get the child ticket.)

(I’m on duty with two other members of staff and one manager.)

Manager: “[My Name].”

Me: “Yeah?”

Manager: “I need you to double check the freezer for [ice cream]; I can’t find it.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I go into the freezer, and come out two minutes with the ice cream, dated and ready.)

Manager: “Where was it?”

Me: “It was at my eye level, right next to the door…”

(The staff burst out laughing.)

(I’m a Hunger Games fan and am excited to watch ‘Mockingjay Part 2.’ However, my experience is being ruined by the woman next to me, who is texting on her phone with the brightness all the way up. I can’t move as the seats are assigned and the theater is nearly full. After twenty minutes of this, I decide to confront her.)

Me: “Excuse me, could you please put your phone away?”

Woman: “I can do what I want. I’m a true fan, not just some kid trying to fit in with the crowd.”

Me: *whispering* “I just want to enjoy the movie.”

Woman: “Oh, please, I bet you haven’t even seen the other movies. I’m a true fan, so it’s okay if I’m on my phone.”

Me: *still watching while whispering* “Actually, I’ve seen all the movies and read all the books.”

Woman: “Shows what you know! There are no books!”

(She resumes texting throughout the entire movie. I don’t want to leave my seat and find an usher because I don’t want to miss any more of the movie. I’m surprised I was the only one who even said anything to her!)