Customer: “Excuse me, what is the movie about the boy and girl who fall in love?”

Me: “Umm… That could be almost any movie that has ever been made.”

(I’m the customer in this story, buying tickets to see an imported Spanish horror film. I work at a competitor’s theater that’s not showing this particular film.)

Me: “One for [Film].”

Employee: “That movie is in Spanish.”

Me: “Yes.”

Employee: “So it has subtitles.”

Me: *still a little confused where this is going* “I know.”

Employee: *sounding nervous* “So there’s no English. You’ll have to use the subtitles for everything they’re saying.”

Me: “I know. I saw that in the review, too; it’s no problem.”

Employee: *sounding relieved* “Oh, okay; it’s just that we had complaints and people walking out asking for refunds so my manager makes me tell everyone in advance now.”

Me: “You mean people who go to a movie filmed in Spain, advertised as Spanish, with an all-Spanish cast and crew, are surprised when the film is actually in Spanish?”

Employee: “Yup! And when they find out they have to read, they’ve come storming out of the theater screaming at us. The first showing had at least half of the theater demanding refunds. That’s why I have to tell everyone up-front now.”

(I don’t know who I felt sorrier for: the employees who had to listen to the complaints or the people who missed a great movie because they didn’t want to bother reading subtitles.)

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(I’m working the concession stand at our movie theater. We have a display of candy. A man who appears to be in his mid-40s, who has just purchased a ticket, walks up to the display, takes about $30 worth of candy, smiles at me, then simply walks away.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir. Did you pay for those already?”

(The customer turns, dumbfounded, and presents me his ticket receipt. I look at it.)

Me: “Sir, this is a receipt for a ticket.”

Customer: “Yeah. No duh! The guy who sold me this said I could get candy from you.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I can sell you candy here, but you actually have to pay for the candy. It’s not free.”

Customer: *immediately becoming irate* “You’re f****** kidding me, right?! He said you’d give me candy!”

(I turn to my coworker selling tickets nearby and signal him over.)

Me: “Hey, the customer is saying that you implied he could get candy for free?”

Coworker: “No, I didn’t. I told him he could buy candy from you at concession!”

Customer: *screaming* “Yeah, exactly! You didn’t tell me I had to pay! You f****** lied to me!”

Coworker: “I said he could sell you candy. That implies you’d pay for the candy.”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t!”

Coworker: “The word ‘sell’ implies that you’d pay him for the candy.”

Customer: “NO… IT… DOESN’T! I want this for free because you NEVER said I’d have to pay for it!”

Me: “Sir, the candy is all clearly priced. Nowhere is there anything that implies you can have it for free.”

Customer: “Fine!”

(He throws the candy onto the counter in front of me and storms off.)

Me: “I’ve never seen anything quite like that.”

Coworker: “Oh, that happens about once a week here, usually on weekends.”

Me: “You’re kidding?!”

Coworker: “Sadly not.”

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(While working in the concession stand, I unfortunately get an unwanted customer in my line. Once or twice a week, he comes in and starts an argument with whoever is working concession so he can get free food and/or tickets from the manager.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “ICEE.”

Me: “Large or small?”

Customer: “Medium.”

Me: “We only have two sizes. Large or small?”

Customer: “Medium.”

(I know exactly where this is heading and I am already getting frustrated.)

Me: *holding out the two cup sizes* “Do you want the 30 ounce or the 44 ounce?”

Customer: *now with an arrogant smirk* “Medium.”

Me: *setting down the cups rather forcefully* “All right, look: I’m back here alone because I’ve got two concessionists out with the flu. There are nine people in line behind you and in less than half an hour, we’ve got a 260-person rental group coming that I will not be able to prepare for. I don’t have the time or patience to deal with this stupid scam you run every time you come in. Now either place a real order or make way for someone who will.”

(He said something back to me, but I couldn’t hear it. The people in line behind him were applauding me. Like most scammers who get called out on their crap, he was extremely angry and spoke to the manager before he left. While I did get in trouble for my outburst, it was worth it; he never came back again.)

(The condiments station has a napkin dispenser that dispenses napkins one at a time. This prevents customers from taking a huge stack and leaving it in the auditorium.)

Customer: “Excuse me, how do I get napkins?”

Me: “Here you go.” *I pull a napkin out of the dispenser to show him where they are*

Customer: “How do I get more napkins?”

(I pull more napkins from the dispenser and hand them to him.)

Customer: “No, I want more napkins.” *he attempts to put his fingers into the side of the dispenser to pull out multiple napkins and fails terribly*

Me: “Sorry, they really only come out one at a time.”

(He gave me an irritated look and ended up walking away with no napkins at all.)