THIS STORY HAS YET TO BE TITLED

| NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(The customer buys her tickets with a credit card so I hand her my pen to sign the receipt. While she’s signing it…)

Customer: “Where is the bathroom? I just changed my daughter’s diaper and need to wash my hands.”

Me: “It’s right over there… and you can keep the pen.”

 

Dear readers! You’ll notice that this story doesn’t have a title. That is because we’d like to invite you to come up with a suggestion of your own in the comments below. It can be witty, punny, surreal, anything you want – just keep it PG please! The funniest suggestion will become the title of the story. Good luck!

One Final Lesson For The Student

| UK | Movies & TV, Popular

(It’s opening night for an extremely popular film so we’re very busy. Two people approach my till.)

Customer #1: “Two student tickets for [Opening Night Film].”

Me: “Can I see your student cards, please?”

(Customer #2’s ID checks out but Customer #1’s is past its expiry date.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t accept this. Do you have any other form of student ID?”

Customer #1: “Why? What’s wrong with it?”

Me: “This one expired back in July.”

Customer #1: “But it still gets me onto campus.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I do have to go by the date on the card. Do you have anything else?”

(Customer #1 rustles through his wallet and hands me a freshly laminated card that says ‘library’ on one side and his name on the other. No expiry date.)

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t accept this either. You need to talk to your university ASAP about getting an up-to-date ID or you can purchase [officiated student card] on their website.”

Customer #1: “I can’t do that. I graduated.”

Me: “…You graduated?”

Customer #1: “Yeah.”

Me: “In July?”

Customer #1: “Yeah.”

Me: “You know that means you’re not a student, right?”

Customer #1: “I know.”

Me: “So why are you trying to buy a student ticket?”

Customer #2: *has been silent and unbothered throughout this exchange that has caused a large queue to build up behind them but suddenly chips in* “He thought you would be too busy getting through the queue to check him.” *to Customer #1* “Stop being a cheapskate and buy the tickets already or we’ll miss the d*** film.”

(This is not an uncommon occurrence and all over £2.)

Good Thing He Wasn’t Watching “Day After Tomorrow”

| England, UK | Funny Names, Movies & TV

Customer: “I pre-booked tickets online to watch… What’s it called again? …I can’t remember the name of the film.”

Me:Edge of Tomorrow?”

Customer: “No, I booked them for today!”

The Screen Is Frozen

| Movie Theater | USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV

(We are seeing Frozen a week or so after it came out, and it’s a full house. All is well until a dramatic scene happens and the screen goes black for a few seconds. The theater is deathly silent. And then…)

Tiny Little Boy: *very loudly* “WHA’ HAPPENED?!”

(The whole theater burst into laughter at a dramatic moment and we missed a good portion of what happened next. Everyone settles down and the movie continues, but at the next break between scenes:)

Tiny Little Boy: *grumpily* “I still don’t know wha’ happened!”

Ruined His Bucket List

| Burlington, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I work for a big movie theater company and we are currently having a promotional offer that allows a customer to upgrade their large popcorn bag to a large popcorn bucket with the purchase of either one or two large fountain drinks. My manager likes to keep the buckets on display underneath the large popcorn bags, which sometimes confuses customers into thinking the buckets can be purchased separately, which they cannot. It has been a very busy day and the line for concession is stretching across the lobby. After calling over the next customer, a middle aged man approaches with his friend.)

Customer: “I’ll get a bucket of popcorn and a large bottle of water.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the bucket can only be purchased with one or two large fountain drinks.”

(The customer is visibly upset.)

Customer: “I just want a bucket of popcorn and a water. Why is that so hard to understand?”

Me: “If you’d really prefer the bucket, you have the option to purchase a large fountain drink and fill it up with water at the drink station. It would only be fifty cents more.”

Customer: “I don’t want a cup of water. I want a bottle of water!”

Me: “Sir, the bucket is a promotional offer and can’t be sold separately.”

Customer: “Fine. Get me the d*** fountain drink.”

(The customer looks over to his friend.)

Customer: “Why does this have to be so difficult?”

(I retrieve a bucket of popcorn and a large fountain drink.)

Me: “There you are, sir. That will be fourteen dollars.”

Customer: “Where’s my bottle of water?”

Me: “Would you like the bottle as well as the cup?”

Customer: “Whatever.”

(I get the bottle of water.)

Me: “That will be nineteen dollars.”

(He paid and took the bucket and the bottle, but left the fountain drink cup, saying he didn’t want it.)

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