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Gunning For A Punchline

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior

(Our theater has a “No Weapons” sign outside.)

Customer: “I saw you had a ‘no weapons’ sign out front?”

Me: “Yup. We put that up do to the recent tragedies that have occurred at theaters.”

Customer: *snarky* “Well, how do you know I don’t have a gun under my shirt? I could be packing heat!”

Me: “Well, sir… I’d call the police to inform them of any guest whom I might be suspicious of.”

Customer: “But wouldn’t you get in trouble for disturbing a peace officer for doing something like that?”

Me: “Sir, $9 an hour isn’t worth my life. If you’re trying to tell me you have a gun, I’ll call the police and radio my manager this instant.”

Customer: *lifting his shirt to show me he’s unarmed* “I’m not armed! Jeez, you’re such a kill-joy!”

(He leaves.)

Me: “Who the h*** thinks it’s funny to joke about having a gun in the wake of several real-life shootings?”

Coworker: “He’s the second one this week.”

(Seriously, don’t do this. It’s disturbing and freaks us out.)

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Oh You’re Asking For It All Right

| NY, USA | Food & Drink

(The customer walks up to me, and seems completely uninterested and distracted, barely making eye contact.)

Customer: “I want the all-you-can-eat popcorn.”

Me: “We do have a large popcorn offer that comes with one free refill. We unfortunately do not offer an all-you-can-eat popcorn option.”

Customer: *barely paying attention* “So you’re trying to tell me the large gets refills, right?”

Me: “The large gets one free refill.”

Customer: “Okay, so I’ll take one of those, you know, the large, all-you-can-eat popcorn.”

Me: “All right, that’s one large popcorn… but just to be clear, it only comes with one refill, okay?”

Customer: *still not even looking at me* “That’s fine.”

(I give her the popcorn and ring her out. About half an hour later, she gets her refill. 20 minutes later, she comes back out again.)

Customer: *not even looking in my direction while thrusting her bag towards me* “Refill.”

Me: “All right, but just so you know, I’ll have to charge you since the larges only come with one free refill.”

Customer: “Whatever.”

(I get her refill.)

Me: “That will be [price].”

Customer: *turning towards me suddenly, angry* “But this is an all-you-can-eat popcorn.”

Me: “We don’t offer an all-you-can-eat popcorn.”

Customer: “But you told me this was an all-you-can-eat popcorn!”

Me: “Actually, I told you repeatedly that our large popcorns only come with one refill.”

Customer: “But I asked for an all-you-can-eat popcorn!”

Me: “Ma’am, we really don’t offer an all-you-can-eat popcorn and I made sure to explain that.”

Customer: “BUT I ASKED FOR ONE!”

Me: “I understand; however, we don’t offer an all-you-can-eat popcorn option.”

Customer: “BUT I WANTED AN ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT POPCORN!”

(Knowing where this is going, I just give up.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll give you this one last refill for free, but you’ll have to pay for any other refills. I really shouldn’t make exceptions like this, but I’ll let it slide if there was some confusion earlier.”

Customer: *storming away* “This is terrible customer service! You’re supposed to give the customer what they ask for!”

(Considering earlier this same day a 40-something man and his wife had made fun of me for being fat to my face and I got screamed at by at least a half-dozen people over prices I have no control over, it took every ounce of patience not to flip my lid.)

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New Year With A Perfect Movie Ending

| Devon, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Holidays

(It is New Year’s Eve, and I am working on the close. I usually do work New Year’s, though before we used to finish by about 10 pm. We have later shows on so are set to leave at about 12:15.)

Customer: *approaching me as the last film finishes and everyone is leaving* “We’ve tried to keep it as clean as possible for you, so we didn’t leave a big mess for you. Thank you so much for being here tonight. We really appreciate it. Happy New Year!”

(I didn’t mind being at work that night, but it was very touching to hear that someone appreciates us working on holidays and special occasions.)

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Won’t Even Try To Un-butter You Up

| Santa Monica, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Holidays, Movies & TV

(I’m working concessions on Christmas Day and due to the release of about four new movies, we have four registers open with long lines on all of them. A woman and her daughter come up to my register.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you?”

Guest #1: *not looking at me and rambling rudely* “[Candy] and two water bottles.”

Me: *handing her what she ordered* “Here you go. Anything else?”

Guest #1: “No!”

Me: “Okay. So, [Candy] and two water bottles… Your total will be $12.27.”

Guest #1: *throws credit card on counter* “Here!”

Me: “Okay. Here’s your receipt. Enjoy your movie!”

(Guest #1 moves over to the side without taking her receipt and I start processing Guest #2’s order.)

Guest #2: “Hi! I’ll have a small popcorn and a sm–”

Guest #1: “Unbuttered popcorn!”

Guest #2: “–small diet [Soda].”

Me: *thinking the two guests are together and handing Guest #2 his order* “Okay. Your total is $11.23*

(I notice Guest #1 didn’t leave with the other guest and put it all together.)

Me: “Hi. Did you want a small popcorn?”

Guest #1: “ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR IT THIS WHOLE TIME!”

Me: “Well, I didn’t charge you for a popcorn. I can show you the receipt right here. If you want one I’m going to have to charge you for it.”

Guest #1: “THIS IS BULL-S***! I SHOULD BE GETTING THIS FOR FREE BECAUSE THIS IS YOUR FAULT! IF YOU DIDN’T HAVE SUCH A LONG LINE, I WOULD BE COMPLAINING TO YOUR MANAGER SO I GET A FREE POPCORN! THIS IS HORRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE! HERE!” *throwing her card at me*

Me: *bringing popcorn and swiping card dramatically* “That’ll be $6.09. Enjoy!”

Coworker: “D***… What a b****.”

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What We’re Going To Do Is Not What You Were Expecting

| NY, USA | Holidays, Liars & Scammers

(We’ve been having issues with a customer who has been bringing in gift-cards for small amounts of money — usually $5-$10 — and claiming that they were supposed to have higher amounts. We let it slide the first time since sometimes mistakes do happen. But it’s become a trend with him and we’re starting to suspect he’s been scamming us. Today is the day after Christmas and it’s the third time he’s coming in claiming that his gift-cards are missing money. He’s just ordered popcorn and drinks for himself and his young daughter.)

Me: “All right, your total is $20.”

(He hands me a gift-card. I scan it and it takes $5 off his orders.)

Me: “So, after that you’ll owe $15.”

Customer: “Then we’re going to have a problem…”

Me: “I’m sorry, why?”

Customer: “That’s a $25 gift-card. See?”

(He presents me what appears to be a printed-out piece of paper with our theater’s name and “$25 Gift Card” printed on it. The sort that come with online-ordered gift-cards.)

Me: “Hmm, let me try it again.”

(I try it twice more. Same result.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. The computer says there’s exactly $5 on this card.”

Customer: “Come on! You’re supposed to make the customer happy, right? Make me a happy customer! It’s only $15! And this was a Christmas gift for $25! Just give me my order for free and we’ll call it square… sound good? $15 isn’t a huge loss with the crowds you’re bringing in.”

Me: “Unfortunately sir, I cannot just give you free items. $15 may not be much, but I cannot just give out free items without authorization and have my register short by $15. Do you have any way of verifying how much was on the card? Like a receipt?”

Customer: “Nope. This is a problem, then. And how are we going to resolve it?”

(I flag down a manager who checks the card on another register. Sure enough, EXACTLY $5.)

Manager: *blunt* “There’s $5 on this card. That’s all we can give you towards your order unless you can give us some way to verify that there was supposed to be more on it.”

Customer: “My uncle gave me this gift-card for Christmas. He didn’t give me the receipt. Come on! We don’t hang onto receipts.”

Manager: “Then there’s nothing else we can do. If you can bring in proof to verify your claims, we can give you a refund in the future.”

Customer: “But there’s supposed to be $25 on it! I have a print-out!”

(I’m now 100% sure he’s trying to scam us. I’ve just noticed it was an in-store purchased gift-card. Those don’t come with print-outs like the one he’s presenting, meaning that either he or his “uncle” printed it out themselves.)

Manager: *stern* “There’s nothing more we can do. We can honor the $5 on the card at this time, but that’s it.”

Customer: *very smarmy* “You’re supposed to make the customer happy! Make me a happy customer! What can we do?”

Manager: *VERY stern* “I. Just. Told. You. What. We. Can. Do.”

Customer: “But it’s only $5 off! You don’t even offer gift cards for $5! Who buys a $5 gift-card! So you KNOW that I’m telling the truth.”

Manager: “We do indeed offer $5 gift-cards. So that tells me nothing.”

Customer: “So you’re not going to give me my $25 that I got as a Christmas present?”

Manager: “No!”

(The customer SLAMS his wallet onto the counter and thus thrusts his fist forward about six inches from my manager’s face, flipping him off. I cringe, trying to contain myself from both laughing and from telling him off.)

Manager: *shocked, but still very stern* “Sir, do NOT do that. There are FAMILIES here.”

(The customer mutters a weak apology, pays, and doesn’t say one word. In a last ditch attempt to calm him down, I humor him.)

Me: *handing him his now-empty gift-card* “If you can find a receipt, bring it in.”

Customer: *snatching it from my hand; to his daughter:* “And that’s what you call a lesson in highway-robbery! Let’s get out of here.”

(He wanders away whining and complaining.)

Me: *to a coworker who witnessed the whole thing* “Yeah, says the guy who just tried to scam me and get away with $15 in free merchandise…”

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