You’re The Stinkiest Person To Ever Stay In That Room

, , , , | Right | October 11, 2018

(I work in a motel.)

Guest: “I don’t like my room and would like a new one.”

Me: “What was wrong with the room?”

Guest: “It’s a handicap room.”

Me: “Oh, so, you don’t like the additional handicap stuff?”

Guest: “No, I don’t like the smell. Everyone knows that handicapped people smell because they can’t take care of themselves.”

(I know that the room has recently been renovated.)

Me: “Well, actually—”

Guest: “WELL, IT’S TRUE! Give the room to someone else! Let it be their problem.”

Mothers Can Be Scarier Than Robbers

, , , , | Legal | July 14, 2018

(While he was in high school my brother worked graveyard shifts for a rather shady motel. At the time a man had been going around robbing people at gunpoint, and had already killed a clerk who refused to hand over the money. My brother was unlucky enough to have that same man come in and rob him at gunpoint, and he was obviously terrified. He handed the guy the money and luckily wasn’t shot. Later, when the police and ambulance arrive, his boss finally comes down from his room in the motel.)

Boss: “You gave him all the money?! Even from the safe?!”

Brother: “Yeah, he said he’d shoot me otherwise.”

Boss: “That’s no excuse! These people never actually shoot anyone. You should have called their bluff. Now I need you to pay back the money he stole.”

Brother: “What?! I don’t have that kind of money!”

Boss: “Then I’ll keep all your paychecks until it’s paid for. Now finish out your shift. I don’t want to hear anything about you going home due to ‘emotional distress.’”

([Boss] then went back upstairs to his room and my brother finished his shift. My mother was furious when she found out, and stormed in to rip the boss a new one. Eventually the boss decided not to make my brother pay, offered him free psychological services, and gave him three days vacation time. My mom, being similarly generous, decided not to sue. My brother didn’t stay at the job long after that.)

Behaving Like The Animals

, , , , | Working | November 22, 2017

(I work housekeeping at a motel. One day, there is a terrible snowstorm. A coworker and I are chatting with a truck driver who has stopped for the night.)

Trucker Driver: “I don’t like [Sleazy Motel down the road]. There’s too many lizards.”

Me: “Lizards? In the wintertime?”

(The truck driver and coworker just gave me a look. About 25 years later, I finally got it. And for those who don’t know, a “lot lizard” is a prostitute that caters primarily to truck drivers.)

No Clean Way To End This

, , , , | Right | November 13, 2017

(My motel uses cleaning chemicals to clean each room, and one day a fussy customer takes offense to it.)

Customer: “Can you tell the maids not to use those awful chemicals to clean my room? I have allergies!”

Me: “Okay, so, you don’t want your room cleaned, then?”

Customer:No, I want it cleaned; I just don’t want those awful perfumes and stink in my room! Can you do something?!”

(I get the manager when she starts screaming, I explain, and the manager and the customer argue back and forth for a bit. She huffs off and the manager tells the housekeepers not to use chemicals to clean. Later, the customer returns, calmer.)

Customer: “The housekeepers did a good job. Tell them thank you. But it smells like feet now.”

Me: “I will.”

(A week later, the customer checked out. The housekeeper told me that the customer’s room smelled so much like dirty hair and cigarettes — we are non smoking — it was unsellable.)

A Disservice To Service Dogs

| Niagara, ON, Canada | Working | July 29, 2016

(I have a service dog, for psychiatric reasons. I’m not blind, though most people seem to think eye-seeing dogs are the only service dogs out there. Thus, my life gets harder sometimes… Like while on vacation…)

Me: *with my dog by my side* “Hi, checking in for [Last Name]…”

Motel Guy: “NO DOGS! NO PETS ALLOWED!”

Me: “Well, she’s not a pet…”

Motel Guy: “NO PETS!” *yells something in a language I don’t understand to a woman in a back room*

Motel Lady: “Hi, yes, no pets here!”

Me: “She’s a service dog… We prepaid…”

(I starting to have a panic attack come on, but I try to keep it together.)

Motel Guy: “I’ll call the booking company…”

(I text my husband who is outside in the car with the baby, and ask if he can switch spots with me. Unfortunately the baby is crying and so he took him for a ride around the block.)

Motel Guy: “They say I need to let you stay. So the fee, for staying… plus a $300 deposit…”

Me: “What? We pre-paid, online…”

(At this point my husband pulls back up to the office.)

Me: “I’ll let my husband talk to you…”

(The next part, I am not present for; I run back to the car with my dog in tow, wishing I could hide under a table.)

Husband: “Would you refuse a wheelchair to someone that needed one? Because she NEEDS her dog. You can’t charge a FEE to someone who needs a fridge to store their medication, can you?”

Motel Guy: “I will make it only a $50 deposit…”

Husband: “No. I’ll be calling the booking site to cancel this, and if you manage to weasel a CENT out of us, we’ll sue.”

(Not only did the booking site refund us, but they gave us a credit, AND found us a nicer hotel for the same cost we had put up for that place, on a busy weekend. Sometimes, the good guys DO win!)

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