Unfiltered Story #199865

, , , | Unfiltered | July 3, 2020

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “We are flying from [City in Russia] to Amsterdam. Is it, like, in Holland?”
Me:”Yes, it is”
Customer: “Then we are going to the Hague. I heard it is, like, in the Netherlands. We have to get a visa to the Netherlands, right?”
Me: “Exactly”
Customer: “Won’t we have problems with arriving in Holland on the Netherlands visa? I know it’s all Shengen, but my friend once wasn’t allowed entering Germany because he had a Spanish visa ”
Me: “Umm… Holland and the Netherlands are the same country. Just different names”
Customer: “I understand, but… are you sure border guards let me go from Holland to the Netherlands?”
Me (sigh): “I’m 100% sure there’s no border between the two.

(Finally, I schedule an appointment with the Embassy for her and send her a confirmation letter from their site. She calls back after that)

Customer: “Are you trying to fool me? I can read English! Your letter says I am going to Deutsch Embassy! I want a visa to the Netherlands, not to Germany!”
Me: “Deutsch? Do you mean Dutch?”
Customer : “So… Am I going to the Embassy of Denmark?”

Unfiltered Story #131061

, , | Unfiltered | December 4, 2018

A customer of mine told me today: “You’re so sweet and polite, it feels so nice torturing you”

That explains pretty much everything about customer service.

In Soviet Russia, Mother Translates You!

, , , , | Related | October 7, 2018

(I am on holiday with my parents. To enter many tourist places in Moscow, you have to go through metal detectors and a bag check. My first language is English but I can understand some Russian. However, I struggle if it’s spoken quickly. My mother, who is fluent, has gone through the detector. The guard says something quickly to me, which I don’t catch. I look at my mum for help, so she comes over.)

Mum: “Put your bag on the table and walk through.”

(The guard looks confused as I place the bag on the table and walk through the detector. The guard says something else, and I glance at my mum again.)

Mum: “Take the bag.”

(I do so. The guard frowns but says something else.)

Mum: “Open it.”

(I open the bag. The guard, still looking really confused, checks it and nods to indicate I can go. It is at this moment that I realise why the guard is so confused.)

Me: *in English* “Mum, thanks for translating all of his instructions into Russian for me.”

Mum: “Wait, did I really?”

(The guard apparently understood some English because at this point, he looked at us and laughed before returning to checking the next person.)

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Make That Mango Away

, , , , , | Right | November 1, 2017

(I work at a bagel and coffee shop and we have smoothies on our drink menu, but the only flavors we have are mixed berry and strawberry-banana.)

Customer: “I’d like a mango smoothie.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have mango smoothies. We have mixed berry and strawberry-banana.”

Customer: “But I want mango.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I can make you a strawberry smoothie.”

Customer: “Strawberries aren’t mangoes.”

Me: “I understand that, but we don’t have mango smoothies; we only have mixed berry and strawberry-banana.”

Customer: *walks out*

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(Ursa) Major Pain In The A**

, , , | Right | September 29, 2010

(A customer calls and asks that he and his friend need to be picked up. He sounds intoxicated.)

Me: “Where should the driver pick you up?”

Caller: “Do you know Ursa Major?”

Me: “Ursa Major? Is it the name of a local business? A restaurant or a hotel?”

Caller: “What is this world coming to? It is a constellation! In the sky! We are standing right under it!”


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