In Soviet Russia, Mother Translates You!

, , , , | Related | October 7, 2018

(I am on holiday with my parents. To enter many tourist places in Moscow, you have to go through metal detectors and a bag check. My first language is English but I can understand some Russian. However, I struggle if it’s spoken quickly. My mother, who is fluent, has gone through the detector. The guard says something quickly to me, which I don’t catch. I look at my mum for help, so she comes over.)

Mum: “Put your bag on the table and walk through.”

(The guard looks confused as I place the bag on the table and walk through the detector. The guard says something else, and I glance at my mum again.)

Mum: “Take the bag.”

(I do so. The guard frowns but says something else.)

Mum: “Open it.”

(I open the bag. The guard, still looking really confused, checks it and nods to indicate I can go. It is at this moment that I realise why the guard is so confused.)

Me: *in English* “Mum, thanks for translating all of his instructions into Russian for me.”

Mum: “Wait, did I really?”

(The guard apparently understood some English because at this point, he looked at us and laughed before returning to checking the next person.)

Make That Mango Away

, , , , , | Right | November 1, 2017

(I work at a bagel and coffee shop and we have smoothies on our drink menu, but the only flavors we have are mixed berry and strawberry-banana.)

Customer: “I’d like a mango smoothie.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have mango smoothies. We have mixed berry and strawberry-banana.”

Customer: “But I want mango.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I can make you a strawberry smoothie.”

Customer: “Strawberries aren’t mangoes.”

Me: “I understand that, but we don’t have mango smoothies; we only have mixed berry and strawberry-banana.”

Customer: *walks out*