I have a landline phone which came with my apartment. I exclusively use my cellphone for all business, so all calls on the landline are scams.

I answer the phone one day.

Me: “Hello.”

Scammer #1: “Hi, I am [Scammer #1] from Microsoft and I am calling about your computer.”

I’m pretty sure his name is fake. I try to suppress my glee at this scam as they are my favorite to mess with.

Me: “Oh, dear, what is wrong?”

Scammer #1: “We are receiving signals from your computer about [some made-up issue that I don’t care to remember].”

Me: “Oh, give me a second to log into my PC. It will take me a second.”

He’s probably thinking he has an easy mark. 

Scammer #1: “Sure, take your time.”

I mute my phone, log in to YouTube, and open my anti-scammer video. Then, I unmute the phone. As the scammer waits, I play a video of dial-up modem sounds.

Normally, that is where the story ends, but you probably noticed the “#1” in the scammer’s name.

The next day, the phone rings again.

Me: “Hello.”

This scammer has a different voice but gives the same name.

Scammer #2: “Hi, this is [Scammer #2] calling from Microsoft.”

Me: “Really, we are doing this again? I would have thought that after what I did yesterday I would be on your do-not-call list.” *Hangs up*

Let’s see if they call back tomorrow.

A woman comes into our shop, walking directly toward the counter where I am working. She puts a purse she visibly bought from us on the counter.

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to get a refund for this purse.”

Me: “Hello! I’m really sorry, but according to store policy, we don’t give out refunds.”

Customer: “What do you mean by that?”

Me: “It means that, unfortunately, you can only get store credit for the item or just exchange it for something of equal value. Store credit doesn’t expire, so if you don’t want anything else, it is probably the safest choice!”

Customer: “But I don’t want store credit or another item, I just want my money back. I’m from Europe and I won’t be coming back to your store ever again. This is ridiculous; no one told me about this.”

Me: “We have a sign right here on the counter and it is printed on every receipt we give out to customers.”

Customer: “Well, anyway, I don’t want anything from this store so you are going to give me my money back right now; just find a way. And be quick. I don’t have all day.”

I went to the back of the store to ask the owner what to do. She told me to process a refund just to get the customer out of the store.

I went back to the front to tell that woman about the good news. She didn’t have the receipt and didn’t remember when she’d gotten it, so it was a pain to retrieve it from the system, and when I finally found it, she didn’t even have the proper card to get the refund on, since it was her husband who bought the item in the first place.

Every time I asked for anything, she would just throw a fit and be rude to me, so I ended up having to get her the refund anyway. She stormed off without even a thank-you or a goodbye.

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 50
Refunder Blunder, Part 49
Refunder Blunder, Part 48
Refunder Blunder, Part 47
Refunder Blunder, Part 46

I work at a call center for an airline. A passenger calls, already upset, because a third-party booking site charged her infant for an adult ticket. I agree that this is wrong and she should call the ones who issued the ticket to refund that ticket and rebook. 

Caller: “Well, you’re the airline. Why can’t you do it?”

Me: “The third-party has your money and they are the ones in control of your reservation. The only information we have in our system are the flight details, but we can’t even see how much you paid for the ticket. It is them that made the error, but they are perfectly equipped to handle this situation so they can help you with no problem!”

Caller: “I waited on hold with you guys for half an hour and you won’t even help me!”

Me: “If I could, I would refund it for you, especially since you are calling within the same day as booking your ticket. Unfortunately, though, you bought the ticket through a third-party and, as I said, they have your money, not us.”

Caller: *Outraged* “You guys make this mistake and then won’t even help me! I’m never flying with you again!”

I work at a small-ish store that has a round cashier counter with two registers, one on either side. Unless it’s a particularly busy day, we only have one cash open, and the cashier usually uses the counter space on the other side to unpack and price merchandise. Even with our cash closed sign, customers are constantly confused by this.

The customer walks up to the counter, pushes aside the boxes and sign, and places their items down.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, this cash is closed; you’ll have to go to the other side.”

I gesture to the other side of the counter.

Customer: “There’s no one there.”

Me: “Just go over, you’ll see.”

The customer walks over to the other side and places their items down. I spin around to face the customer.

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Related:
You Spin My Head Right Round

I work for a shop which is about to go under and close. All other locations are gone; we only keep the better selling spot for one last year to try and get all the inventory sold before we are over for good. Obviously, I’m not allowed to tell anyone about our situation.

Unfortunately, one of the “great” ideas higher-up management has to show us as still active and going is to advertise jobs open in the shop. I can’t take the sign down.

That leads to this happening a few times a week.

A job seeker comes in, CV in hand.

Job Seeker: “Hi, may I speak to the manager, please?”

The manager doesn’t even want to be disturbed about that at this point, and any employee is allowed to pretend to be the manager in such a case.

Me: “Yes, it’s me.”

Job Seeker: “Yes, I’m here to apply for [position].” 

Me: “Okay, I see. Actually, I’m not looking to hire anyone. If you insist on leaving your resume here, I’m turning around and putting it in the recycling.” *Points to the bin* “Seriously, don’t waste it.”

This is when they all give me the same look, thinking, “This a test! I’m going to prove my determination!”, and get into a self-selling speech. 

Me: “Yeah, that’s good but I’m not pretending. I’m not hiring and your resume really is going in recycling. This is not a test, filter technique, or any kind of trick. We are not hiring.” 

Job Seeker: “Here’s my availability and contact information.”

They push their resume to me on the counter, since I make no move to take it.

Job Seeker: “Thank you and I hope to hear from you soon!”

They walk away with confidence and no look back.

And… that’s when I grab the paper, turn around, and drop it in the recycling. 

I try. I try as hard as I can but they all leave their resumes with us.