(We are sold out, as is every hotel for at least a hundred miles. This is normal for a summer Saturday. A woman comes in at two am looking for a room. I call everywhere I can think of heading east — she’s going that direction — and then finally get a hotel in Billings that had a late cancelation. We book the room for her. She asks to use the bathroom and brings her daughter in. Then, she turns to me and glares.)

Mother: “Now, tell my sweet angel why you won’t give us a room, and why she can’t go to bed yet.”

Me: *looking at her in shock* “No. I found you a room and that is all I can do.”

(She left still complaining about my “unreasonableness.”)

(I work in the bakery department at a grocery store. One of our more popular items is the pistachio muffin, which is bright green, and comes in a package that says, “Pistachio,” on it in two different places and even has a picture of a pistachio on it. I have just clocked in and gotten into my department when this exchange occurs.)

Customer: “Excuse me, ma’am, but what are those bright green muffins you have out there?”

Me: “Those are our pistachio muffins, ma’am. They are very popular!”

Customer: “Hmm, they do sound good, but do they have nuts in them?”

Me: “Pistachios are nuts, ma’am.”

(The customer stares at me like I don’t know what I’m talking about, and then I can see the realization of what just happened dawn on her.)

Customer: “Oh, my God.”

Me: “It’s okay, ma’am, happens all the time.”

Customer: “No… I can’t believe I asked that. I can never show my face here again.”

(The customer then drops her basket and bolts out the front door.)

Me: *to my coworker* “So… it’s going to be one of those days.”

(I work at an alternative smoke shop. We sell glass pipes among other things, and I always ask if people would like their smaller pieces wrapped to save bubble wrap.)

Me: “Would you like me to wrap that up for you?”

Customer: “It doesn’t matter. Why do you ask?”

Me: “Sometimes people prefer to not waste the packaging. You know, save the dolphins.” *trying to be humorous, as it’s a hippy store*

Customer: “Oh.” *stares blankly with the pipe in her hand*

Me: “So would you like that wrapped up?”

Customer: “Uh… yeah.”

Me: “Okay.” *slightly stunned*

(I wrapped up the pipe and she left.)

(A guest is mad because our rates went up during the busy season but any other hotel would have meant at least an hour drive so he takes my last room.)

Me: “So if you drive toward the McDonald’s you’ll see a turn in to our back lot. Just go in door four and you are right there!”

Guest: “I still think your rates are too high!” *I just smile because he is already getting discounts* “But is your breakfast at least free?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we have a great breakfast from 6 to 10 am right down here.”

Guest: “Well, then, I will come down and eat ALL your food. How about that?”

Me: “We do hope you enjoy the breakfast.”

(He made it to his car and headed toward the back lot before I started laughing, but it was close.)

(I work in a hotel. We’ve just renovated some rooms, and management has asked us to sleep in them for a night so we can talk about the improvements first hand. My coworker has decided to use his night to get VERY drunk. When he gets back to the hotel, I’m working on getting the floor swept and washed before breakfast. He works the overnight shift, same as I do.)

Coworker: “Why are the chairs up?”

Me: “So I can sweep and mop.”

(He’s been working this shift for a few months at this point, and this is part of every overnight shift.)

Coworker: “Why? It always looks clean to me.”

(He then stumbled off to his room and I made a note to talk to my manager to have some retraining done. It didn’t stick, and he didn’t last.)