Me: “Just a soda, thanks.”
Cashier: “$2.50.”
Me: “The sign outside says sodas are on special for a dollar.”
Cashier: “Oh, you have to tell me that you want the dollar drink.”
Me: “Oh, that’s weird.”
Cashier: “No, it’s not.”
Me: “Okay… well, I’d like the soda.”
Cashier: “$2.50—”
Me: “—dollar soda! I would like the dollar soda!”
Cashier: “Okay! Jeez, don’t sound so desperate.”
Customer: “I won the European lottery. I need your help claiming the winnings!”
This is the USA, not Europe, but okay.
Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be happy to assist you, but let me get some more information. How did you enter this lottery?”
Customer: “I was playing chess on the Internet, and the banner told me I’d won! Now I only have six hours, so I need you to send over a copy of my driver’s license, passport, social security card, and a blank check.”
Me: “Ma’am, I really want to be clear with you; I think this is a scam. I will try my best to check into everything, but I cannot in good conscience send these people all of that information to have them steal your identity. In all of our training, the number one rule is always “you don’t win lotteries you don’t buy tickets for”. They wouldn’t need all that info to get you simple winnings, either.”
She wouldn’t budge. After clearing with my manager that I had the right to refuse, I sent her off. As she’s leaving:
Customer: “You just want all the winnings for yourself! Well, it’s mine! I’m going to come back here when I’m a millionaire and laugh in your face!”
She hasn’t come to laugh in my face yet, but I’m sure it’s happening any day now…
A customer comes into the bank looking to pay off the starter credit card bill associated with his account. He gets confused when he sees the balance.
Customer: “I only spent $500 on this card. Why is my total bill more than that? Is my identity being stolen?”
Me: “That’s the interest.”
Customer: “What’s interest?”
Me: “Uh… interest is what you owe the bank for extending you credit over a period of time.”
Customer: “I don’t understand.”
I go back to basics and explain the concepts of credit cards, interest, percentages, all of it. This guy had no idea, as in none at all, how credit cards worked.
Customer: “Well, I never would have gotten a credit card if I knew I would be charged money for being given free money!”
Me: “Well… It’s not free money.”
Customer: *Annoyed.* “Yes! I know that now!”
He pauses and then looks worried.
Customer: “Wait… will this interest thing be on my car loan, too?”
I was on a road trip with my dad, and we stopped at a little gas station to switch drivers. I went inside to get a two-dollar bottle of water.
Clerk: “There’s a five-dollar minimum if you’re gonna use a debit card.”
Me: “Oh. I don’t have cash.”
Clerk: “Do you want a three-dollar lotto?”
Me: “Sure!”
I scratched it there and then, and I won fifty dollars! I showed it to the clerk.
Me: “I guess I’ll have cash now!”
The clerk glared and grumbled at me the entire time he was counting out my cash!
A woman storms into the lobby and slams her purse onto my desk.
Customer: “You stole my money from God!”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Customer: “God sent me money, and you stole it!”
Me: “Ma’am, I’ve never met you before.”
Customer: “Don’t play dumb with me! I prayed to God for money, and He sent me a check! I deposited my check, and now all the money is gone!”
I go through the security questions and pull up her account.
Me: “Well… the account is heavily overdrawn, so the deposit went toward the negative balance.”
Customer: “No! That was Jesus’s money! It was a blessing!”
Me: “It was still deposited into the account, ma’am.”
Customer: “So you admit you took God’s money?!”
Me: “The bank applied the funds to the overdraft balance.”
Customer: “I want my blessing back!”
At this point, I’m honestly too tired to deal with her.
Me: “Okay. I can reverse the deposit and give you the check back.”
Customer: “Finally! The power of God compelled you!”
I reverse the transaction and hand her the check. Also turns out Jesus works at Taco Bell because that’s where the check came from.
