I used to work in a bookstore that had a large academic section, selling textbooks and the like. It was situated near a large college campus, so we got a lot of customers for that section.

I remember when a college girl came in and purchased a crap ton of textbooks. It was way more than any student would reasonably need in a whole year.

Me: “Wow, are you opening your own bookstore?”

Customer: “Nope.”

She pays for the whole thing using a credit card (her name matched the ID), and then she carries all of them over to the buyback desk. This is where we buy back pre-purchased textbooks from students who have no more need of them.

Customer: “I’d like to sell these back to you, please.”

Me: “Uh, since you haven’t even left the building yet, if you need a refund—”

Customer: “—No, I don’t need a refund. I want to sell these back to you.”

Me: “But… you just bought them.”

Customer: “Yeah, but my parents cut me off.”

Me: *Confused look.*

Customer: “Okay, so they gave me spending money last semester, and they got really p***ed off with me because I spent it all, so they cut me off. They said no more money except for textbooks. So, here I am!”

Me: “But… I can only buy these books back at fifty cents on the dollar.”

Customer: “That’s plenty for my partying budget! Cash, please!”

What she was doing wasn’t illegal, so I bought the books back and gave her the cash she needed to party.

For the rest of the year, until I left that job, when she ran out of money, she’d just pick up a few more books, and she’d do the same thing. Apparently, her parents were none the wiser.

I worked at Abercrombie and Fitch a few years ago. I was on the register, ringing a lady up:

Me: “Your total is [almost $100].”

She hands me a $50 bill. After realizing she wasn’t planning on adding more money to it:

Me: “That’s not enough.”

Customer: “That’s all I can do, take it or leave it.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is an Abercrombie & Fitch, not a yard sale. If my choices are take it or leave it, you’re not getting a gold star for correctly guessing which of those two I’m going with…”

She did not like my choice.

Me: *Scans the customer’s last item.* “Your total is $30.12.”

The customer, probably about twelve or thirteen years old, gives me a dime, a nickel… and a $30 bill.

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “We good?”

Me: “I can’t accept this… bill.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “It’s fake.”

Customer: “How do you know?”

Me: “It’s a $30 bill. Those don’t exist.”

Customer: “If they don’t exist, how come there’s one in your hand?”

Me: “Rephrase: they don’t count as legitimate forms of currency.”

Customer: *Takes the bill back and gives me a ten and a twenty.* “Fine. My friend made it as a joke, but I wanted to see if I could use it.”

Me: “I would advise that you… Don’t? That’s incredibly illegal. I need to report this, I think.”

Customer: “Meh. I’ll just leave the bill with you. I don’t want it anymore anyway.”

The customer walks away, happy as a clam. I later tell my manager and ask him what to do.

Manager: “I’ll report it to Loss Prevention, and they’ll be on the lookout for that kid again, but I don’t think we have to worry about anyone thinking this is real, so I’m going to chalk this up to a childish prank.”

Me: “What if another cashier does think it’s real?”

Manager: “I mean, instead of a President, he’s using the scary staring meme of Samuel L. Jackson from ‘Black Snake Moan’. If a cashier thinks it’s real, I’d be more worried about the cashier…”

Customer: “I read online that the production cost for this frappe is only $2.89.”

Me: “Possibly. I’m not aware of the production costs.”

Customer: “So then why am I paying $6 for it?!”

Me: “The store needs to make a profit.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “So it can pay to maintain the building… as well as pay baristas like me.”

Customer: “Ugh. You already get free coffee!”

They pay for their ‘overpriced’ frappe and come back after finishing it to get another for the road, as well as a slice of cake.

I work in a bubble tea shop in a luxury mall. We’re next door to a fancy coffee place. A well-dressed mother and her teenage daughter have come into the store, so that the daughter can get her boba. The mother is looking around in confusion.

Customer: “Don’t you sell regular coffee? What’s all this bubble stuff?”

Me: “We don’t sell regular coffee, but there’s a really nice coffee place literally next door. If you wanted to drink one of their beverages in this store to enjoy with your daughter’s drink, that will be fine.”

Customer: “Hmm, fine. What do they sell that’s good?”

Me: “They advertise themselves as an artisanal coffee place, so I’m sure all their coffee is of good quality.”

Customer: “Yes, but I’m asking you personally.”

Me: “I’ve never actually had any of their drinks, ma’am, but as I’ve said, I’m sure they’re—”

Customer: “—They’re literally next door, and you’ve never had one of their drinks?”

Customer’s Daughter: “Mom, maybe she doesn’t like coffee.”

Customer: *To her daughter.* “I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to be able to answer a simple question like that, considering how much these places charge.”

Me: “Ma’am, how much they charge is the reason I can’t answer that question. The price of their regular latte is double my hourly wage.”

Customer: “That can’t be right. Like they charge $30 for a latte?!”

Me: “$16, actually.”

Customer: “But that would mean…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…Oh.”

Customer’s Daughter: “Mom, I tried to stop you, but no, you just had to make it awkward.”

The mom was silent while the daughter ordered her bubble tea (a relative steal at $11). The mom did not go next door to have her coffee…

Related:
A Brewed Awakening, Part 2
A Brewed Awakening