Finding Those Rare Jewels

, | CA, USA | Hopeless | April 1, 2016

(It’s the beginning of December. My family is travelling through California on our way to a famous theme park and have stopped at a fast food place for dinner. It’s dark and my father and I are taking our time getting out of the car while my sister and mother head in when a lady holding a box approaches us.)

Lady: “Hey, I don’t mean to bother you guys, but I’ve recently lost my job and so has my daughter. Our rent’s coming up so we made some jewelry.”

(She pauses, starting to get emotional.)

Lady: “Sorry, I’ve never done this; I just don’t feel like I have any other option. I understand if you want me to leave.”

(I exchange a glance with my dad.)

Me: “No, no, it’s totally fine! Unfortunately I don’t have any cash on me. Is there anything else we can do to help though?” *half-jokingly* “Do you need a hug?”

(To my surprise she starts crying and says yes, so I do my best to give her the most comforting hug ever.)

Lady: “Thank you so much. Tell you what, I have some bumper stickers in my car. You’re not from here right? I’ll give you one for free.”

(She headed to her car with her box of jewelry and my father and I went to follow when I remembered I had a little pouch with at least $5 in quarters for laundry. I grabbed that and headed over. When I tried to give it to her, she at first refused, saying the hug was enough. Then we decided I was paying $3 for the bumper sticker she would have normally sold for $1. We went inside and ate, telling my mom and sister about her. She was still there when we left and my dad remembered he had a $20 bill, so the whole family came over and my mom picked out a beautiful hand beaded necklace and earring set and my little sister bought a bumper sticker for $2. My mom gave her a hug, too, and we wished each other well in job searches. We never exchanged names, but I hope you and your family are doing well! I didn’t get a job but I’m going to college instead, and am doing fine living with my parents.)

Will Pay For That Later

, , , , , | Right | December 8, 2014

(I’m making a big coupon trip to a big-box retailer, a really big trip I’ve been planning for the better part of a week. I have a couple hundred items in my cart, and just as many coupons that need to be scanned. As the cashier starts scanning, I let anyone who gets in line behind me know that I have a lot of coupons and that my checkout will take a while, so they might want to get in another line. They all decide to go to another line, until…)

Me: “I’ve got a few hundred coupons that are going to need to be scanned after he’s done ringing up my items.” *waves big stack of coupons* “So this will be a while. You might want to get in another line.”

Customer: “Don’t tell me what to do. This register has the shortest line. I’m checking out here.”

Me: “All right, just wanted to let you know the coupons were going to take a bit to scan.”

(In a few minutes, the cashier has finished ringing up all my items.)

Cashier: “Your total is $1,760.43.”

Me: “Okay. Here are my coupons.”

(The customer behind me groans loudly and mutters something about ‘people who can’t afford to just buy things.’ As the cashier continues to scan my coupons, the customer gets more pissed off and more impatient.)

Me: “I’m sorry this is taking so long. This is why I suggested you might want to get in another line.”

Customer: “YOU should have gotten in another line, you dumb b****! I don’t know who the f*** you coupon b****es think you are, making those of us who work for a living wait for you so you can get 50 cents off your stupid crap. You’re just wasting my time, you stupid b****!”

(The rant continues while the cashier continues to scan my coupons. The cashier and I just roll our eyes at each other about the woman’s behavior and let her rant at us. Finally, after about 15 minutes, the cashier scans the final coupon and announces my savings.)

Cashier: “All right, so from $1,760, you’re down to $132.73, and you’ve earned $245 in gift cards. Thank you for shopping at [Store]!”

Me: “Thank you for your patience. Have a great day!”

(I grab my bags and start to head out when the woman behind me yells for me. I turn.)

Customer: “So, do you, like, teach people how to do this?”

Me: “Yes, I absolutely do, but dumb coupon b****es like me shouldn’t take up the time of people who work for a living like you, so I wouldn’t be able to help you. Enjoy paying for your things!”

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I Know You Are But What Am I

, , , | Right | August 1, 2008

Debtor: “It’s not my fault the payment didn’t go through; your system stuffed up.”

Me: “No, it didn’t; the message from the bank we have here clearly states ‘Invalid Transaction.'”

Debtor: “No, it doesn’t.”

Me: ” Actually, it does. I see here your credit card has expired.”

Debtor: “No, it hasn’t.”

Me: “I mean, the one we have on file. I can update this right now.”

Debtor: “It’s not my fault. You refused the payment.”

Me: “The bank, your financial institution, reversed the payment.”

Debtor: “No, they didn’t.”

Me: “Yes, they did. Why would we refuse a payment? Your bank reversed it. We need to update those details.”

Debtor: “No, you don’t.”

Me: “Please stop simply contradicting me.”

Debtor: “I’m not contradicting you.”

Me: “Yes, you are.”

Debtor: “No, I’m not!”

Me: *eye-twitch*

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While We’re At It, Here’s A Check For A Gazillion Bucks

, , , | Right | June 21, 2008

(My pizza place recently stopped accepting checks, due to a large number of returned checks. We have a large sign in the lobby, and a smaller sign at the register.)

Customer: “What?! I can’t write a check?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we no longer accept checks. We simply get too many returned for insufficient funds.”

Customer: “But I was going to write a check…”

Me: “We accept credit cards, or you can use your debit card for that checking account.”

Customer: “I can’t use my debit card! I don’t have enough money in my account!”

(And THAT is why we no longer take checks!)

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Ocean’s Negative Seven

, , | | Right | June 8, 2008

(A woman walks up to my blackjack table, and sits down without putting any money up for her bet. I assume she’s waiting for the end of the shoe.)

Woman: “How come I didn’t get a hand?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you didn’t have your bet up when the cards came out. I’ll get you on the next.”

(When I get ready to deal the next, I tap the bet box in front of her.)

Me: “You comin’ in?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Me: “It’s a fifteen dollar table.”

Woman: “What?”

Me: “Table minimum is fifteen.”

Woman: “I have to pay to play?”

Me: “Well, if you win, I’ll give you fifteen more and you get to keep all of it.”

Woman: “What happens if I don’t win?”

Me: “At that point it becomes the casino’s money.”

Woman: “That’s stealing!”

Me: “No, that’s gambling.”

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