Money Talks But It Doesn’t Read

, , | Working | December 13, 2017

(This happens back in the ‘80s. Our $1 note has been replaced with a coin, followed four years later by the $2 note being replaced as well. The $2 coin is much smaller than the $1 coin, which is unusual as our coins usually go up in size with each increase. I use a $10 note to buy something worth $6.)

Salesperson: “We have new $2 coins.”

Me: “Really? I’ve been waiting to see what they are like.”

Salesperson: *hands me two coins back* “There you go. $4 change.”

Me: *looking at the coins, wondering why the $2 coins are the same size as the $1 when I know they are supposed to be smaller* “Hold on, you’ve just given me the wrong change. You still owe me $2”

Salesperson: “No, that’s right. Those are the new $2 coins.”

Me: “I don’t think so.”

Salesperson: “How do you know? You said you had never seen them before.”

Me: “The fact that these say $1 on them.”

Salesperson: “Are you sure?”

Me: *holding them up* “Yes, I am sure.”

Salesperson: “I don’t know. I think you might be wrong but I’ll check.” *opens cash drawer* “No, those are the larger coin which means they are worth more.”

Me: “No, the $2 are the smaller coin.”

Salesperson: “Now I’m confused. If you want two of the smaller ones that’s ok, but I still don’t think you are right.” *we exchange the coins*

Me: *holding up the $2 coin* “See? It says $2 right there.”

Salesperson: “Oh, is that how you can tell which is which?”

Green Cards Put You In The Red

, , , , | Working | December 13, 2017

(I have gone to visit a friend in Canada. I live in New York but am originally from Germany. I received my green card when I was 11 and at the time I am 20. I hand the border agent my green card, driver’s license, and German passport.)

Agent: “This doesn’t look like you.” *referring to the picture of 11-year old me on my green card* “However these two do.” *referring to the pictures on my driver’s license and passport which are much more recent*

Me: “I’m sorry, I was 11. All the information matches across all three forms of identification, does it not?”

Agent: “Yes but this doesn’t look like you. Why do you not have a more recent picture on here?”

Me: “Because it hasn’t expired yet.”

Agent: “Well, you should update it anyway.”

Me: “It’s $450 to renew a green card; I’m not going to be doing it early if I don’t need to.”

Agent: “I just don’t know if this is really you or not.”

(After a bit more back and forth of him not understanding why I wasn’t willing to pay $450 to renew my green card when I didn’t have to yet, he looked in the trunk of my car and had me pull over and go inside for them to take my fingerprints.)

Advancing Their Knowledge

, , , , | Working | December 12, 2017

(I get a call from one of my payroll clients and the following conversation occurs:)

Client: “Hi, we have a new employee who just started today and asked for an advance. I don’t want to give him an advance. What should I do?”

Me: “Well, you don’t have to give him an advance. You’re the employer. You can just tell him that he’ll have to wait until payday next week.”

Client: “I mean, is there any way I could maybe just cut him a check today for roughly the amount of one day’s work, and then you can take that amount out of his pay next week?”

Me: *pause* “Yes… we can do that.”

Client: “Oh, ok, great! So what is that called?”

Me: “An advance.”

Got To Give Him Extra Credit For Trying

, , , , , , | Working | December 12, 2017

I attempt to top-up my “pay as you go” mobile at a bank’s ATM, but the message on the screen says that the transaction failed. I try once more and get the same result, so I decide to try at a different bank.

Then I check my phone and see that, according to it, my credit had been topped up successfully, both times. So I go back to the bank and print a statement, which shows that both transactions failed and my account hasn’t been charged. Effectively, I have gained money out of nowhere!

I explain the situation to the teller, who tells me that there is nothing the bank can do, and it is the phone company’s problem. I call the phone company’s service number and tell them, but they insist it is the bank’s problem. Since both sides don’t want to do anything, I don’t mention it again.

I figured that eventually the issue would be discovered and the money taken from my account, but that never happened. I got a lot of credit for free.

Keeping Communists In Check

, , , , , | Right | December 6, 2017

(A man hands me a tax check for $3,000 and asks to cash it all. Because of tax season, we are required to put a $25 fee on tax checks, due to the large amount of money we have coming in and out daily.)

Me: “Sir, to cash this I do have to charge you a fee of $25; however, it is free to deposit it, and you can access it from your debit card if you would like.”

Elderly Man: “You know, I didn’t just get on the boat and come up from Cuba. I’ve had my green card since I hit age 16. You d*** commies are always finding ways to take my money. I’m a resident of the USA, and I demand my check be cashed for free.”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m sorry, but we charge that fee because we have to express-order money, and we must pay a fee to do that. So, the $25 we charge you goes into making sure we have enough money in the building to cover checks like these.”

Elderly Man: “I ain’t paying no f****** fee! I’ll go to [Popular Retail Location]!”

Me: “Good luck, sir.”

(He comes back an hour later.)

Elderly Man: “Just cash the d*** check and take your fee!”

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

Elderly Man: “F*****g commie.”

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