Trying To Explain The Difference Is A Mis-Steak

, , , , | Right | January 25, 2019

(I’m eating out at a fairly fancy restaurant when a couple gets seated at the table behind me.)

Lady: *holding up her menu* “EXCUSE ME?”

Waitress: *who is standing right next to her* “Yes?”

Lady: “Your [dish containing chicken] is listed as being 17.99, but your [same dish with steak] is listed at 20.99. Why are they different?”

Waitress: “Because the first uses chicken, and the second uses steak.”

Lady: “Yes, but why are they different prices?”

Waitress: *sounding a bit confused* “Because the steak costs more than the chicken.”

Lady: “But why?!”

Waitress: *still sounding confused* “Because those are the prices the restaurant set?”

(At that, the lady let out a dramatically disgusted and prolonged huff, before snapping her menu shut, slamming it on the table, standing up, and walking off. After a moment, the man she was sitting with let out a long and tired sigh, stood up, picked up the bag the woman had left by the table, and followed her, while the waitress stood there looking lost.)

Her Brain Is On Permanent Layaway

, , , , | Right | January 24, 2019

(We offer layaway and sometimes allow customers to have more than one at a time. This particular customer whom I recognize is paying off one layaway, paying on another, and starting a new one on a busy sale day, so the counter is surrounded by customers.)

Me: “So, you would like to pick up your coat, pay on your other layaway, and put these items into layaway?”

Customer: *furiously chomping on gum* “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, would you like to pay for those separately or all in one transaction?”

(I’d prefer to run a credit card once rather than three individual times.)

Customer: *drops a crumpled pile of cash on the counter that is not enough for the total*

Me: “Okay, how would you like me to do this?”

Customer: *condescendingly over her glasses* “Is it too complicated for you?”

Me: “…”

, , , , , | Right | January 22, 2019

My stepdad is the customer in this story, but first, a little history.

When I was in high school, my mom remarried. The man she married thought he was hilarious with his jokes. They were the standard sort of Dad Jokes, only if you didn’t laugh or say, “That’s funny!” he would get really offended and angry over it.

Anyway, one of my stepdad’s favorite things to do was to ask employees at every store he went to if they accepted “Alaskan Money.” For those who may not know, Alaskan Money is still just the US Dollar, and my stepdad thought it was great fun to confuse people by asking. Most of them assumed that since he was asking, it must have been a different form of currency than the US Dollar, and then he got to gleefully tell them that it was just dollar bills, and laugh at their supposed incompetence.

We were in the drive-thru getting dinner one day when my stepdad pulled that trick, and asked the cashier at the window if she accepted Alaskan Money. The girl was so confused, she went and asked her manager whether they did or not. The manager said irritably, “[Cashier]! Alaskan Money is just regular money!”

The poor cashier realized this at about the same time the manager said so, and was so mortified, she actually burst into tears on the spot. Just broke down crying right there.

Surprisingly, my stepdad felt bad for her and apologized rather than commenting on her crying over nothing. The rest of us were pretty embarrassed over the whole experience and apologized profusely, as well. My stepdad cut back on his Alaskan Money joke after that. Thank God.

Three Fee See?

, , , , | Right | January 21, 2019

(I work in a bank.)

Customer: “Three dollars for a printout of my statement? That’s outrageous! I’m not paying it. Call your boss.”

Coworker: “Feel free to speak with him yourself; his policy is to only refund fees if they were caused by a bank error.”

Customer: “Well, I need a statement, and I’m not paying the fee.”

Coworker: “We mail you a statement every month on the tenth. You should have gotten one last week.”

Customer: “I don’t keep those. You need to just print me one and waive the fee. Three dollars is ridiculous.”

Coworker: “I can’t waive the fee; it’s a bank-wide policy. You can print all your statements through online banking if you didn’t keep the ones we sent you.”

Customer: “I can’t print anything at home. It’s too expensive.”

Coworker: “That would be why we charge the three-dollar fee.”

A Dime Crime

, , , , , | Right | January 21, 2019

(A customer tells me she wants to get rid of her change, so she pays in mostly loonies, quarters, and a few dimes. I type in the change and scoop some up to put in the register.)

Me: “Okay, so—“

Customer: “Oh, I want to keep that.” *puts a dime I didn’t pick up back into her wallet*

Me: “Oh, wait. If you take that back you won’t have enough to pay and my till will be off.”

Customer: “But I want the dime.”

Me: “But you technically already gave it to me.”

Customer: “I. Want. The. Dime. Back. I didn’t mean to give it to you.”

Me: “Okay, do you have money you can give me in exchange for that? You haven’t fully paid yet if you take back the dime.”

Customer: “I. WANT. THE. DIME. BACK! [STORE] IS STEALING MONEY FROM CUSTOMERS! NO ONE BUY HERE!”

(It was one of my first days on the job and my manager was MIA so I just let her leave since being ten cents short wasn’t such a big deal.)

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