Too Dumb To Have Money

, , , , , | Right | November 17, 2018

(I work as a bank teller.)

Customer: “I’d like to withdraw twelve hundred dollars from my account.”

Me: “Certainly. Can I have your account number?”

Customer: “I don’t know it, and I don’t have my card.”

Me: “In that case, can I have your social security number to look it up?

Customer: “I don’t give that out.”

Me: “Well… okay. What is your name?”

Customer: “I don’t give it out.”

Me: “Can I see your ID?”

Customer: “You shouldn’t need my ID; just give me my money and hurry up!”

Me: “Sir, without ID we are unable to give you any money.”

Customer: *slams his first on the counter and yells* “What’s the point of even banking here at [Our Rival Bank] then?!” *storms out*

Your Dignity Is Not Worth Her Dollar

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2018

(We’ve just gotten special limited edition promotional tubs which cost $1 more than our standard large popcorn. I’m helping a man and his girlfriend who are buying a large popcorn.)

Customer: “How much more would it be to get one of the tubs?”

Me: “They’re one dollar more than the standard large popcorn.”

Customer: “How much more do you get?”

Me: “They’re basically the same size as our regular large popcorn; they’re just a limited edition promotional item supplied to us by [Film Studio].”

Customer: “Bah, no thanks. Not worth it.”

(He wanders away. A few minutes later, his girlfriend walks back.)

Customer’s Girlfriend: *trying to hand me a dollar* “Gimme one of the tubs.”

Me: “Sure thing, that’ll be [total that’s significantly more than $1].”

(She doesn’t say a word and just walks away. About ten minutes later, she comes back.)

Customer’s Girlfriend: *trying again to hand me a dollar; fuming* “I’m giving you a dollar. Give me one of the tubs. I don’t know how you idiots go from $1 for the tub to that ridiculous price you told me before, but I’m only giving you a dollar. Give me the d*** tub.”

Me: “I’m sorry if there’s been any confusion, ma’am. The tubs were never $1.”

Customer’s Girlfriend: *turning bright red* “My boyfriend said the tubs were $1.”

Me: “Oh, I understand. They’re not $1. They’re $1 more than the large popcorn he bought.”

Customer’s Girlfriend: “So here’s your $1. Give me a tub of popcorn.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but he already bought a large popcorn. I can’t give you a tub for $1.”

Customer’s Girlfriend: “So?”

Me: “So I’d have to charge you the full price if you wanted a tub of popcorn.”

Customer’s Girlfriend: *scoffs, sarcastic sigh* “What stupid logic did you have to follow to get that idea?”

Me: “Because he already purchased a large popcorn?”

Customer’s Girlfriend: “So?!”

Me: “I can’t sell a full-priced tub for only $1.”

Customer’s Girlfriend: “But you said it was only $1!”

Me: “Ma’am, I said it was $1 more than the large popcorn he was buying when he asked me how much more it cost.”

Customer’s Girlfriend: “I don’t care!”

(This goes on for some time. She doesn’t understand that I can’t just give her a promotional item — from a studio that’s know to be very controlling and micro-manages how their products are handled in theaters, no less — that costs nearly $10 for $1, and she seems to think that the fact they bought a large popcorn means they can get a second full-priced popcorn for only $1. She eventually storms off, only for her boyfriend to return a few minutes later.)

Customer: *seeming sad and defeated* “Uh, sorry about that. If I buy a tub, and she says anything, can you just say you gave in and only charged me a dollar? She’s not gonna shut up until she thinks she’s ‘won.’”

Me: “Sure.”

(He paid the full price, but thankfully I was on break when their theater let out. From what I gather, she actually laughed at the concession staff on duty, being sure to make eye contact with each one while she did it. Thank god I haven’t seen them again. Poor guy.)

Rhe-storei-cal Questions

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2018

Me: “All right, so, your total today is [total].”

Customer: “Even with the 40%?”

Me: “Um, well, the only thing that you got on sale today was this shirt and it was an additional 50% off the clearance price. We don’t have any shirts in the store today for 40% off.”

Customer: “And the other shirts?”

Me: “Those are full price today.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Um… because they’re not on sale.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “They… they just aren’t. They’re selling at the full price. I don’t—”

Customer: “Never mind, I don’t want any of it.”

Be The Change You Want To Force On The World

, , , , , | Right | November 17, 2018

(I have just spent over an hour helping this woman find everything she wants in the sizes she wants. She has interrupted me every time I try to help another customer. She has changed her mind on all the items and what sizes will work multiple times before coming to the cash register, and then she’s gone through and changed a bunch of things again while holding up the line. I am extremely relieved that she has finally let me ring her through, and I keep shooting apologetic looks to the customers behind her.)

Me: “Your total is $165.42.”

Customer: “Okay…”

(She opens her purse and hands me five $20 bills. It takes me a moment to realise she isn’t searching for more money.)

Me: “So, that’s $100; I need $65.40.”

Customer: “Oh!”

(The customer reaches into her purse again and starts dropping $1 and $2 coins on the table, along with some other change. She makes no attempt to count this, just shoves it in my direction.)

Me: “Okay, so that’s… 2, 4, 6, 8, 10… 20… 30… 34.65…”

Customer: *getting agitated* “Fine, I’ll pay debit, and add that jacket on.”

Me: *after ringing in the jacket* “So… $195.25.”

(The customer does nothing; she doesn’t even take out her debit card.)

Me: “Did you want to put this cash towards it?”

Customer: *says nothing, just shoves the money in my direction again*

(I counted up the cash, needing paper to help me figure it all out, which apparently upset the customer, and when I told her what was owed on debit she looked surprised and told me to remove the jacket. The other customers in line were thankfully very nice about having to wait.)

Giving Change Is Not A Piece Of Cake

, , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I am helping out at my school’s summer fair by selling cupcakes and chocolate lollies. Note that cupcakes are 20p and chocolate lollies are 10p, and we have only been selling for ten minutes.)

Me: “Hello. What would you like?”

Customer: “One cupcake and two chocolate lollies, please.”

Me: “Okay, that will be 40p, please!”

Customer: *places a £50 NOTE down* “Do you have change for this?”

Me: *screams internally* “No, sorry.”

(She came back later, but thankfully paid with a £20 note, instead! I always wonder why she thought we had enough change when we had only clearly sold a few cakes!)

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