Drunk Guys Will Pay Anything For Pizza

, , , , , | Working | March 19, 2019

(My grandpa once told me a story from when he delivered pizza. One night, he had an especially big order to a house in the suburbs. When he arrived, there was a party in full swing and lots of talking and music. After he knocked on the door, this happened.)

Grandpa: “Hello, order of pizza!”

Drunk Man #1: “Oh, [Someone Else] has the money! Hold on!”

([Drunk Man #1] stumbles away, leaving the door open. As [Grandpa] stands there waiting, another drunk guy wanders by.)

Drunk Man #2: “Oh, you the pizza guy?”

Grandpa: “Yep.”

([Drunk Man #2] pulls out a twenty and hands it to him, then wanders off. Unsure what to do, Grandpa stands there, waiting for the rest of the money. Then, another drunk guy walks past.)

Drunk Man #3: “Oh, pizza’s here!”

(Grandpa gets another twenty and [Drunk Man #3] wanders off. Still waiting, more drunk men wander past the open door, some more than once, and each time they hand him money. Not wanting to get into it with the drunks, Grandpa just politely takes the money. Finally, the first guy gets back.)

Drunk Man #1: “Okay! Here’s the money for the pizza and here’s a tip!”

(He hands Grandpa two twenties for the tip.)

Grandpa: “Oh, actually…”

(The guy slammed the door shut. After a minute, Grandpa just got back in the car and counted out all the “tips.” It totaled almost $300!)

Some People Bet Hard Cash That People Can’t Be That Stupid

, , , , , | Right | March 18, 2019

(I do sales support for several brands of small appliances. We can take credit cards over the phone but not cash, for obvious reasons. For some reason, I occasionally get some clown trying to pay cash over the phone. I have developed a way to deal with this, but this particular instance is a whole new level of stupid. I’m on a call with a customer. I’m just reaching the payment part of the transaction:)

Me: “…and how would you like to pay for this today? We can take credit card over the phone or you can pay in-store when you pick up the item.”

Customer: “I’d like to pay cash.”

Me: “Certainly, you can pay cash on pick-up at the store.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “No?”

Customer: “No. I want to pay cash now!”

(It’s going to be one of those calls. Sigh. Time to break out the secret weapon.)

Me: “Certainly, ma’am, if you could just hand me the cash.”

Customer: *silence*

(This usually forces them to figure it out on their own while seeming to be helpful. Most customers take about thirty seconds for it to click and then give up and pay by credit card or in-store. But…)

Customer: *satisfied* “Okay, there you go.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Do you have the money yet?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m afraid I cannot take cash over the phone.”

Customer: *irate* “What?! But you just said you could. I gave you my money! Give it back.”

(The customer started screaming and swearing that I’d taken her money. She demanded to talk to my supervisor, and I was only too happy to hand it off to him. My supervisor couldn’t make sense of it, either, but he eventually managed to calm the woman down enough to get her to come into a store location. A few days later, my supervisor relayed to me what the manager of the store had told him. Apparently, this middle-aged woman had come in shouting about us taking her money through the phone. When they asked her what she had done with the money, she opened up the case of her cell phone and, lo and behold, there was the money shoved into the case. How she thought her cell phone was going to transmit the money, I don’t know.)

Haggling That Makes No Cents

, , , , | Right | March 13, 2019

(My cousins, my family, and some family friends are having a garage sale. My cousins, age eleven and thirteen, are selling some books for $1 each.)

Customer: *points to brand-new book that they’re selling* “How much is this book?”

Cousin #1: “That would be $1, please.”

Customer: *hands her 25¢*

([Cousin #1] glances at [Cousin #2].)

Cousin #2: “Uh… that’s going to be another 75¢.”

Customer: *grumbles about it being a ripoff and hands her 75¢*

(Long story short, don’t try to scam kids by being cheap and bargain with a book that costs a DOLLAR.)

The Motor’s Blown And So Is This Deal

, , , , , | Right | March 12, 2019

(My newer Land Rover SUV’s motor blows. Even blown, the SUV is worth about $1500, according to my research. I list it online for $1200, but I want $1000. Some guy keeps emailing every few hours, trying to lowball me.)

Guy: “So, I see you are trying to sell your Land Rover with the blown engine. You won’t get over $500 for it, but I need the parts, so I will gladly give you $600 to be nice.”

Me: “Thank you for your offer, but no, thank you. My husband is selling it for me and is sure he can get more. You are welcome to come to look at it, but not for that price.”

Guy: “Your husband is very wrong. He knows nothing about cars. Trust me; $600 is more than fair.”

Me: “My husband knows a great deal about cars, being not only a mechanic but from a family of mechanics, so I will go with him. If you wish to see the vehicle, I can arrange a time for you, but don’t waste either of our time if you think it will be for anywhere near $600.”

(He keeps emailing me for two days telling me that he was offering a great deal, and if I don’t take him up on it, the offer will go down to $500 and I will lose out. I ignore every email. On the third day, I receive ANOTHER email just as I am selling it.)

Me: Thank you for your offer but the vehicle is sold. The new owner is here picking up.”

Guy: “You’re kidding! So, just how much did you get? I will still give you $600 if you hold it.”

Me: “No, thank you. I got over $1100 for it.”

Guy: “I don’t believe you.”

Me: “I don’t care. I have to go to the bank now with my cash. Goodbye.”

Don’t Count On Them Changing

, , , | Right | March 8, 2019

(I work in a mid-end clothing store where customers can have a store credit account and pay it off monthly or in other installments online or at a till in-store. This is 9:05 am on a Saturday, minutes after we open. A customer walks to my register.)

Me: “Hi. How are you?”

Customer: “Hi. I would like to pay the full balance on my account, please. Here’s my card.”

Me: *enters details* “Ah, yes, the full balance is £88; is that okay to pay?”

Customer: *places notes and a bag full of coins on the counter* “Here you go.”

(I count the notes — a £10 and £20 note makes £30 — and I proceed to count twenty-nine individual £2 coins.)

Me: “Okay, £30 in notes and twenty-nine £2 coins is £58 in coi—“

Customer: *interrupting impatiently* “Which makes £88.”

Me: “Yeah, I know.”

(Not sure if she thought I was stupid, or if she was impatient that I had to count all twenty-nine coins individually, or both.)

Page 5/92First...34567...Last