(We are a prepay station. A little old lady walks in.)

Lady: “So what, I can’t get gas now because so many idiots drive off? What kind of world do we live in that a Christian doesn’t get treated right?”

Me: “… I’m sorry, Ma’am, we lost over 75,000 gallons of gas last year due to drive-offs.”

Lady: “This is just stupid. Why don’t you just turn the d*** pump on? I’m filling up, I don’t know how much it’s going to take.”

Me: “Ma’am, you can either leave your keys, a credit card, or an ID, and I’ll be more than happy to turn the pump on.”

(The lady hands me a $20 bill.)

Me: “Alright, I’ll just prepay this 20, and it’ll shut off for you when it hits 20.”

Lady: “No no no. That’s my down-payment. Turn the pump on and I’ll come pay the rest.”

(I sigh and turn the pump on, I’m really not supposed to, but at least I’ll have some money to put towards it if she drives away. The lady goes out and pumps her gas, comes back in to pay.)

Lady: “One day, the Lord is going to come down and smite everybody who doesn’t respect the Christians who live by the rules.”

Man Behind Her: “I’m going to be a good Atheist and prepay my gas. $15 on pump 3, please and thank you.”

(I was doing rebates for cellphones at the time…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Okay, so, I want my rebate.”

Me: “All right, all I need from you is the cellphone number.”

Customer: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “…you don’t have a cellphone number?”

Customer: “No, but I want my rebate.”

Me: “You do know that in order to receive a rebate, you actually need to purchase a cellphone?”

Customer: “For f*** sakes. You’re telling me that in order to get MY rebate, I need to go out, waste MY gas, and with MY money, buy a cellphone?”

Me: “Well, that would be the general idea of getting a reimbursement on something you had purchased.”

Customer: “But I just want the money back.”

Me: “Well, it’s not like this is free money.”

Customer: “Uh… it’s not?”

Me: “No.”

(After about twenty seconds of silence, the customer hung up.)

Me: “…so if you cancel your other company’s long-distance plan which costs you $10/month, and take ours that’s $8/month, you’ll save $2/month.”

Customer: “Look I called up to save money, and you’re gonna increase my bill?”

Me: “Well, yes, but overall you’ll save…”

Customer: “Look I’ve studied marketing, and you’re not doing this right.”

Me: “Look… I study math.”

Customer: “Yes, I’m calling to complain. Your store has false advertising. You say you have the cheapest [item] prices in town, and I just came from a store that is selling them cheaper.”

Me: “Really? Well let me call, and you can call back in five minutes, okay?”

(I call the store and soon she calls back.)

Customer: “Well?”

Me: “You are correct, We sell for $5.00 and they’re selling for $4.81.”

Customer: “Like I said, false advertisement. I could sue.”

Me: “It’s a $0.19 difference.”

Customer: “With four of those, that would be a dollar!”

Me: “Correction, that would be $0.76. Would you like to sue me for that complete bill or should be round it up to a whole dollar?”

Customer: “I will never shop with you again!”

Me: “There will never be a need.”

(Customer approaches cash desk with two t-shirts with a price tag of $14.99 each. I scan the t-shirts.)

Me: “Oh, they scan at $7.99 each.”

Customer: “The sign on the table where I found them says that they’re 2 for $20.00.”

Me: “I know, but they scan at $7.99.”

Customer: “…but the sign says 2 for $20.00.”

Me: “I know, but head office must have changed the sale and updated the computer before we had a chance to change the sign. So you can buy the shirts for $7.99 each.”

Customer: “I don’t care what price comes up in the computer. The sign says 2 for $20.00 so you have to sell them to me at that price!”

Me: “Okay.”

(I override the $7.99 price in the computer and change it to $10.00. The customer pays two dollars more per shirt than he has to and smugly goes on his way.)